OK final nomination, and we can all go back to normality
Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time to bestow our highest accolade for which the winner shall receive pretty much nothing other than recognition on the world’s finest forum and the planet’s greatest multitool think tank. This award is where we acknowledge true talent, not just on a single event or product, but a lifetime of dedication leading to some amazing triumphs and the inspiration of a great many people. Our story begins over 30 years ago when a young Timothy S Leatherman bought a really crap car.
Tim wasn’t a bright fellow and had many things against him, including his fashion sense and an obscure floppy hairstyle. To start off with his story was a perpetual catalogue of dazed bewilderment and mind boggling mishap. Many a time the floppy haired imbecile was caught trying to drive his car by climbing into the trunk.
One day, confused by his inability to find the steering wheel, or the gear stick, or any pedals, or even the window, he turned to the multipurpose knife in his pocket for guidance. Whilst the knife that lay within was highly efficient in a great many ways, it was sorely lacking a sense of humour and merely mocked Tim for his stupidity in a very scathing manner.
At that moment, Tim felt that the disappearance of all driving apparatus was a cruel trick played upon him by the small bladed tormentor in his pocket, and inspired by the online community at Multitool.org decided that a whole new style of pocket tool was required to deal with such events. The following morning Tim finished off a packet of Cornflakes at breakfast and decided to trick the knife into assisting him in creating a successor in title as pocket companion. Using the scissors he cut out some bizarre shapes from his cereal box, taped them together and took them to Gerber, a prominent knife and tool company in his home town of Portland, Oregon. Tim truly was a blithering idiot.
Although Tim had very nicely presented his cardboard creations, Gerber politely explained they were unimpressed with the mechanical properties and didn’t think a cardboard tool would be the way forward for them. Little did either Tim or Gerber know at that time, that decades later another company called Taylor Brands would be influenced by the notion of inferior materials and would secure a major supply contract from the Australian Army. Gerber did however take some pity on the poor misguided fool, and gave him one small free piece of advice which turned out to be his first step on the road to success.“Get rid of that coat you clown, it looks like the insulation off a hot water tank”
With his fashion sense rebuked and his hairline drifting Northward, Tim tried a red apron. Whilst he got many offers for playing an in-store elf around Christmas time, no developments were being made in his range of cardboard tooling. Tim decided to get ambitious. He acquired another jacket, but this time with far less padding and this revolutionised his toolmaking approach.
He began gluing together bits of coat hanger and other assorted bits of metal he found, and while his creations were no more useful than the cardboard carbuncles that went before, Tim realised that metals might be more advantageous as a base material. Despite this he still couldn’t fashion together anything to impress Gerber or to get his psychiatric assessor off his back, and if he didn’t move fast his next outer garment would have wraparound sleeves that fastened up the back. Tim needed help – and quick! He was rapidly becoming aware of his limitations and knew he had to come up with something to compensate for his inadequacies. He knew that if he grew a beard he would instantly acquire great wisdom which would aid him in his quest, but alas he was incapable of even this.
Thankfully, before things collapsed once and for all, there came the coalition which formed the start of a great journey, in turn leading to the creation of the Leatherman Tool Group.Timothy S Leatherman got a fleece!
From that day forward things became much clearer for Tim, and new designs started to present themselves. People started showing an interest in his tools, and orders started dribbling in. Guided by the fleece, Tim created design after design, each one better and more popular than the last. The designs were new, but still awkward and primitive by today’s standards and Tim was having to produce the tools one by one with a Dremel
A better thermal performance was needed if the company was going to succeed. Whilst Tim was still unable to tie his own shoelaces without assistance from the fleece, his synthetic woolly counterpart knew exactly what was required. In the early hours of the morning one September night, the fleece whispered in Tim’s ear a phrase which Tim would adopt as his own personal motto.
From that day forward, Tim started using the zipper and his fleece became even more efficient. Suddenly the most amazing designs began to spring forth. The masses were mesmerised by Tim’s (and fleece’s) creations and every design he made sold like hot cakes.
Not everything was a success however. Occasionally Tim, still being a fully fledged moron, would thrust his guiding light into a low temperature wash and 1200RPM spin cycle leading to moments of profound disorientation. This accounts for the blips in LTG’s history such as the Juices floppy scissors and vicious drivers, the Wingman marketing campaign, and most recently the “photo-fit” design aspects of the OHT.
Despite this, fleece persevered and continued to drag Tim through every clueless moment of every waking day, and deliver us the range of products that so many of us have come to know and love. It even accompanied Tim when he achieved his lifelong dream in meeting the guys who inspired him so many years before.
So without further ado, it is with this tireless dedication in mind that we must present the Lifetime Achievement Award to none other than ...Tim Leatherman’s Fleece!!!