Why I shouldn't be trusted with a wine bottle (Pics)

[GraysonK]

Hi all,
Someone (cough "kim" cough) put me in charge of getting a bottle of wine for dinner tonight.  I know nothing about wine and have drank only a handful of glasses total in my life.  Kim asked me to open one and tell her what it tasted like since I got one she had never heard of but came recommended by the salesman.  Yeah...this is why I shouldn't be trusted around a wine bottle.  Broke the bottle opener, cork in 3 pieces and bent the hell out of the corkscrew on my LM Juice SC2.  Grrr...anyway, here are pics.  I put this here because of the pics...if ya'll want it in the break room feel free to move.  

[DaveK]

Bloody hell Kel 

Carnage!

[sardauker]

Poor corkscrews or amazingly strong cork?

[MultiMat]

Kel you just bent the Juice's cork screw didn't you  . Have you been able to straighten it out 

BTW you need a Flair if you are going to become a cultured, highfalutin wine drinker 

[PyroJames]

You should have gotten wine in a box... 

[Sean]

Geeze what is it with corkscrews lately?  That looks like a bit of a flaw in casting, just twist and snap huh?

[GraysonK]

Geeze what is it with corkscrews lately?  That looks like a bit of a flaw in casting, just twist and snap huh?

I have no idea...it was one of those bottle openers that has the arms that raise up as you screw in the corkscrew and then you push down on the arms and it lifts the cork.  Well, it didn't lift the cork all the way out and when I went to pull it...SNAP! 

Kel you just bent the Juice's cork screw didn't you  . Have you been able to straighten it out 
 
BTW you need a Flair if you are going to become a cultured, highfalutin wine drinker 

Yep, after I used the Juice pliers to get the broken end of the corkscrew out of the cork I figured I'd try using the corkscrew and can opener on the Juice to lift it the rest of the way out...yeah, that didn't work.  Bent the snot out of it.  And I haven't tried to bend it back yet...I may break if I do.  I don't know.  And I'm not becoming a highfalutin wine drinker (although I still wouldn't mind having a Flair ).  Kim wanted wine with dinner since we didn't celebrate the new year last night because she was tired from work and I was sick as a dog.  Why she thought I should go get wine is beyond me.  I argued with the guy in the shop because he told me that pink wine was actually white.  I said, "No, it's pink"  He said, "Yes, but it's a white wine"  I said, "No, it's pink...pink is not white"  He said, "Well it's a blush" I said, "I will accept blush as an answer, but not white."  He was very nice and finally just smiled and chuckled.  I think we both knew I wasn't going to get "it" anytime soon.   

[Teofilo]

Leatherman too?

[GraysonK]

Leatherman too?

Yep...it's a little sad isn't it?

[GraysonK]

Bent the heck out of the can opener too...it won't close right and I can't get it bent back...I have no idea how to go about getting the corkscrew bent back...Colorful Enunciation!

[PyroJames]

Kim asked me to open one and tell her what it tasted like since I got one she had never heard of but came recommended by the salesman.

I'm wondering, what brand of wine was it?  I just remembered a few friends of mine were recommended terrible wine with flawed corks and the only reason why the salesman recommended it was because he knew it was terrible wine and wanted to unload it.

[AHB]

I don't know helluva lot about wine, but I heard someplace the bottles are stored lying to prevent the cork from drying out..
You really killed those corkscrews, kel   You better cut down lifting those weights..    
Plenty of updates on the wounded Juice, that poor thing..

[Magnus]

well, I guess your warranty should cover that?  probably better than doing it yourself

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

Yeah that's a warranty job

Best lay of the spinach for a while girl

[Chako]

You probably applied a bit of lateral force to the device. Corkscrews are thin and are only meant to be pulled upwards. That is the main cause of corkscrew carnage.

But a Leatherman!  Oh the horror!

If I need any tools beaten into submission...I am shipping them to you Kel.

[Whoey]

It's not the wine bottle you shouldn't be trusted with, it's the opening of said wine bottles

good excuse to get new toys tho!

[AHB]

Go practice this with a SAK, Kel.. 

[GraysonK]

Yeah, if I can't fix the Juice myself, I'll probably send it in.  I would think it would be an easy fix.  I hope so anyway. 

I honestly didn't mean to put any torque on it.  I used the can opener as a lever against the lip of the bottle and not only didn't that work to get the cork out, it also bent the hell out of the can opener and corkscrew.  It kept slipping off the rim of the bottle.  I don't think myself a stupid woman but that wine bottle and cork kicked my butt yesterday! 

I don't know what kind of wine it was, we drank it and Kim already took the trash and recycling out so I have no idea what it was.  It wasn't "cheap" but it wasn't real expensive either, I do know that. 

So, let it be known, if you have any tools that are misbehaving you can send them my way...I promise to return them with better attitudes.  LOL! 

[Chako]

I bought a bottle of Dubonett a while ago that was super tough to get the cork out. I had to resort to destroying the cork into small pieces to get at the contents. This necessitated a bit of racking to get all the bits of cork out of the aperitif. Now that was one tough cork. It happens to everyone Kel.