Your Attention Please

turbov21 · **Reply #60 on:** July 25, 2010, 08:20:18 AM

My deepest condolences.

edap617 · **Reply #61 on:** July 25, 2010, 08:33:19 AM

I wish to extend my heartfelt condolences to Dave and his family. May Dave regain the strength from this.

thebullfrog · **Reply #62 on:** July 25, 2010, 10:30:05 AM

I have absolutely no idea what to say. So I guess I will simply that I am sincerely and truly sorry.

josekym · **Reply #63 on:** July 25, 2010, 10:40:12 AM

Very terrible news.

To Dave and family, our prayers go out to you.

Please accept our sincere condolences for your loss.

David Bowen · **Reply #64 on:** July 25, 2010, 03:53:13 PM

Last couple days have been extremely hard, somehow and I don't know how, the girls are taking it better than I am. Course I am holding alot in and helping them, plus I keep them occupied so they don't dwell on it. It's being especially tough for me, it's just not right when you spend the last 12 or so years (married 9 as of last month) with someone whom you love more than anything in the world and they are just gone. I don't sleep much at night, everyday I wake up and it feels like I am still trapped in a dream world and I am never going to wake up. I see her everywhere and in everything I see and do, I know I can handle this and life will go on but it's so blessed hard. Part of me wants to crawl up into a ball in some corner and stay there. I swing from being ok, to crying and then to cussing and whatnot. I am so mad at this world right now, I am so mad that she was taken from me and she was only 32. I keep wondering if there was something, some sign I missed and I could have saved her. Should I have taken to the emergency room at 2:30am even though she told me that she would not go maybe she would be here with me today. I have all these what ifs and questions unanswered that I have to live with for the rest of my life. For the past week or go I woke up with the base of my neck hurting and then the soreness spread to my chest. Last couple days it has spread to the left side of my chest. Its only muscular, I have found that out but it's funny how it moved to the chest side of my body, almost like I am not only emotionally aching but physically aching. Please keep me in your prayers folks, this is so hard and I don't know what I am going to do. I keep trying to think of positives like how she is not hurting anymore, not suffering in anyway and is better off but it doesn't make me feel any better.

Grant Lamontagne · **Reply #65 on:** July 25, 2010, 04:25:14 PM

Keep on keeping on man. You have to stop thinking about what you could have done different though. There's no guarantee that going to the hospital earlier would have helped, and you can take solace in the fact that she obviously didn't suffer. If she wakes you up on a regular basis because she's cold, she would have certainly woken you up if something was seriously wrong.

It's a difficult enough situation to be in as it is- you don't need to add self doubt or blame into it.

Def

Hedge Kid · **Reply #66 on:** July 25, 2010, 04:29:23 PM

Thanks Def for saying what I couldn't find the words for. I couldn't agree more.

Love and strength to you David

x

Quote from: Grant Lamontagne on July 25, 2010, 04:25:14 PM

Keep on keeping on man. You have to stop thinking about what you could have done different though. There's no guarantee that going to the hospital earlier would have helped, and you can take solace in the fact that she obviously didn't suffer. If she wakes you up on a regular basis because she's cold, she would have certainly woken you up if something was seriously wrong.

It's a difficult enough situation to be in as it is- you don't need to add self doubt or blame into it.

Def

nuphoria · **Reply #67 on:** July 25, 2010, 04:35:38 PM

I totally agree to, you will have to find a way to let those doubts go.

You have the strength to do that, and much more. Time is going to help you believe that even though your heart is truly breaking right now.

Keep checking in David, we're all here for you when you need us.

Stormdrane · **Reply #68 on:** July 25, 2010, 04:36:07 PM

We'll keep you in our prayers.

Whoey · **Reply #69 on:** July 25, 2010, 05:50:55 PM

Our entire life is made up of "what ifs", and this is definitely one of the ones you want to let slide, otherwise it will consume you, and that's no good for you or the girls.

Chako · **Reply #70 on:** July 25, 2010, 06:48:18 PM

David. I can somewhat related to your feelings. I shall bore you with my story in the chance that you may find something useful in the telling and sharing.

My mother was never a healthy woman. When I was growing up, she always didn't feel good. Multiple doctor visits while I was growing up came of naught. One day, she suffered a massive stroke. I was in University doing exams. Somehow, I managed to do well on the exams, but I do not remember writing them at all. The human mind does weird things in times of worry and grief. Fast forward to 2005. I received a dreaded phone call from my father at work. He informed me that she suffered another stroke, and that he was sure she passed on. I remember informing my boss that I had to go. They didnt' want me to leave alone, but I insisted, I needed time to think things through on my own. As I drove to the Hospital, I remembered getting her up that morning (That first stroke in 94 paralyzed her whole left side. She was a fighter though, and I stuck around the house to give my father some much needed help). The thing was I was immensely grateful that I did take the time to put on her shoes, and to help her to her chair in the living room that morning. Quite often, I just didn't have the time, and she would have to wait for my Dad to get up and help her. If I hadn't I would have suffered terrible guilt, but you know, there is always guilt no matter what. I felt guilty for a long time not telling her that I loved her. It took me a lot of time to realize that she knew I did every single day. The positive side, and at the time, I did not know this, was that she didn't suffer anymore. It was quick and quite a shock to the system. We both didn't have any warnings other then she wasn't feeling very well for a day or two before she passed away. I came to realize that such passings are a blessing in some ways. My father died of cancer after 2 and a half years fighting it. He suffered something fierce, and to watch a loved one waste away in pain and suffering by increments...well...let me just say that there comes a day when you want your loved one to pass on....that does terrible things to you.

In a way, I can understand your grief. I went through all the emotions you are going through right now. All I can say is that as Men, our society tells us to be tough and to not cry. Crying is the best thing for you right now. You need to grieve and to let it all out. Not in front of your lovely children, but you do need to let yourself heal...and in time...you will. I didn't give myself that opportunity for my mother right off the bat. I bottled it up for a whole year, and I didn't feel right, I was hurting inside. One day, it just all came out, and it felt very very good. I was very angry because I felt I was powerless...and I was. There not a thing I could do to stop either from passing on. Once I got over the anger, I was then ready for grief and the healing process.

David, everything you are feeling is normal. There will be a healing process and you will undergo it. Thankfully, you have two lovely daughters, and they will help you immensely in that healing process. Someone said that time heals all, and in a way it does. You will never forget, and you should never do so, but time will make the bearing of it a bit easier

So hang in there, be tough for your daughters, but also give yourself time to grieve. Don't be like me and hang onto the anger for a full year before I could come to grips with my grief. And please do yourself a favor and don't do the what if mind game. Hindsight is always a terrible game, and feeling guilty isn't the most healthiest thing ever. I felt guilt, and it was a lot of draining feelings until I realized I was powerless and there really wasn't anything I could have done anyways. You should focus on your beautiful children. I did not know your wife, but you know she would want you to do that. Also keep in mind that everyone has suffered the loss of loved ones. So although you may feel isolated, you will find strength all around you.

On another note, when my father passed away after his long fought battle with cancer, I lost all sensation in my hands for a few weeks. I realized that my body was reacting to all the stress/grief. Stress does weird things to the body, and everyone is affected differently.

BIG-TARGET · **Reply #71 on:** July 25, 2010, 09:23:03 PM

David, prayers are heading your way!!

MultiMat · **Reply #72 on:** July 26, 2010, 02:35:21 AM

Hang in there mate. You & your girls are very much in my thoughts.
Do not be afraid to ask for help buddy.You have a lot of people here to talk too when you need someone.

Fisting_Chili · **Reply #73 on:** July 26, 2010, 04:30:30 AM

Wow...My deepest condolences to David and his girls!! All are in our thoughts and prayers!

J-sews · **Reply #74 on:** July 28, 2010, 04:46:52 AM

So sorry to hear about your loss David.

I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better. Just be as strong as you can for the girls - they really need you now.

Shorty66 · **Reply #75 on:** July 28, 2010, 07:52:21 PM

Hey Dave!
I Am sure, that your girls are very lucky to have a father like you. So caring and helpful and thats what they really need at the moment. But keep in mind to let you help by somebody - you will need the help of others at the moment and you cannot only give your help but you need to receive some.
Im sure you three will make it well even though this must be a damn hard time.
I have to say that i would have acted just the way you did. Im sure you did nothing wrong - nobody could know how severe it was and as a loving husband you had to respect her will not to go to hospital. Dont make yourself responsible for what happend - you did just what everyone here would have done.

I am with you and your girls in my thoughts.

silentio · **Reply #76 on:** August 13, 2010, 08:40:25 AM

My condolences, Dave.

edcgear · **Reply #77 on:** August 13, 2010, 08:46:03 AM

I am sorry to hear this terrible news. My deepest condolences.

Gojkan

ICanFixThat · **Reply #78 on:** August 17, 2010, 07:55:20 PM

I don't travel around this site too much, and I've just read this story.

My sincere condolances David.

After a sudden death in my family a couple years ago, I know how shocking it can be. There are not really any answers, but there are still reasons for living.

specgrade · **Reply #79 on:** August 20, 2010, 02:37:58 PM

I am so sorry to hear about your losses Mr. Bowen. I truly hope you find some comfort as time passes.

damota · **Reply #80 on:** August 25, 2010, 03:30:48 PM

Since retiring I only occasionally come on the forum and have just read the terrible news.

My deepest condolences to you and your girls.

DaveT

David Bowen · **Reply #81 on:** August 25, 2010, 06:19:00 PM

It's still tough even though a month has passes already. It's such a struggle in my head, on the outside I look fine but on the inside it feels like I could go crazy or I just want to scream and let it all out. I had to get some help from the doc to help me sleep and to keep me from wanting to fire folks at work. I have my moments, I think about her every min of everyday and in everything I do. I thought losing my Dad was hard but nothing compares to this. Keep praying for me, if not for friends and family I don't know what I would do.

Hedge Kid · **Reply #82 on:** September 03, 2010, 07:15:46 PM

David, you're still in our thoughts. Carrying on is the hardest thing to do when you feel like your whole world is crumbling around you but you CAN do it. Is there something practical you can do to try to get the pent-up feelings out of you - like going for a run until you can't run anymore? Or (if you don't live in a city) standing in a field and screaming? I found that the screaming one helped me when I went through a hard time a few years ago. You feel like a crazy nutter at first but the release is very welcome. It might even be something that the girls would want to do with you. Being allowed to release is good.

As far as work goes, is there any way your management could reassign certain duties for you for a short time - like direct staff management?

Most of all, remember, you are allowed to fall apart. You have been through something dreadful and it has only been a month. Give yourself the credit due for having the strength to make it through this month. Take it a day at a time and slowly you will heal.

You and your girls are in our thoughts and hearts and will stay there.

Much love and strength,

HK x

nuphoria · **Reply #83 on:** September 03, 2010, 07:23:36 PM

Apologies for missing your post last week David - it slipped by my radar somehow

I think M'lady HK has expressed how I feel too, and we are genuinely thinking of you lots. Time is what you have lots of now, so just take it in abundance and allow yourself as much as you need to try and normalise your life again. It will never be the same, but it will be better than now.

Go easy on yourself dude... each day at a time.

Fisting_Chili · **Reply #84 on:** September 03, 2010, 07:45:03 PM

Quote from: David Bowen on August 25, 2010, 06:19:00 PM

It's still tough even though a month has passes already. It's such a struggle in my head, on the outside I look fine but on the inside it feels like I could go crazy or I just want to scream and let it all out. I had to get some help from the doc to help me sleep and to keep me from wanting to fire folks at work. I have my moments, I think about her every min of everyday and in everything I do. I thought losing my Dad was hard but nothing compares to this. Keep praying for me, if not for friends and family I don't know what I would do.

You and yours are in our thoughts as well David. "sorry" just doesn't convey the heartache we all have for you here. If you need to vent, please do so. Don't hold it in. Bless you