I'm at work and bored!

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

So send me some jokes please

[Roadie]

Highlight the end of the lines for the answers!

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea!
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and is on fire? Still flaming no idea!

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

That's kinda funny, in a pathetically sad way

Thanks mate

[Grant Lamontagne]

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.

14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.

Def

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

  , you better delete that before Tim see's it

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

By the way Roadie, how did you do the invisable print thing

[Grant Lamontagne]

[ color=white ]Your text here[ /color ]

This is how you hide text

Def

[Roadie]

Change the colour of the text to white, putting [ color=white][ /color] around the words (without the spaces) just like this!

As to the Cat and the pill, thats exactly why i will never have a cat as a pet! (don't get me wrong i like cats, just rather it was someone else's)

Edit: too slow!

[Grant Lamontagne]

It works better on every second post, that's in white.
Def looks kind of silly when he shows you how to write invisible words that are visible!
Def

[Roadie]

Using #ECEDF3 as the colour you can do it on the bluey background too
just like this!

[Grant Lamontagne]

There's no way in the dark pits of Hades that I will remember that!

Def

[Benner]

Using #ECEDF3 as the colour you can do it on the bluey background too
just like this!

How on earth did you find that out?!? 

[Grant Lamontagne]

Some folks have way too much time on their hands!

Def

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

Or far to much in the way of brains (just in case you were wondering, I don't fall into that catagory )

[Roadie]

Using #ECEDF3 as the colour you can do it on the bluey background too
just like this!

How on earth did you find that out?!? 

Its easy! HTML (in which webpages are mainly written) have a standard code for colours (hex format) so.... take a screenshot of webpage, use dropper tool in Paint Shop Pro to find out the RGB (red, green, blue) values, find a RGB to hex converter on the web and put the RGB values into it et voila! Simple really.....

[Grant Lamontagne]

Wow, that sounds almost as simple as neurosurgery!

Def

[Roadie]

I took the easy way out and didn't convert the RGB to hex (via binary) by hand.....i'd just had 3hrs of lectures i wasn't in the mood for that sort of effort!

Roadie

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

Using #ECEDF3 as the colour you can do it on the bluey background too
just like this!

How on earth did you find that out?!? 

Its easy! HTML (in which webpages are mainly written) have a standard code for colours (hex format) so.... take a screenshot of webpage, use dropper tool in Paint Shop Pro to find out the RGB (red, green, blue) values, find a RGB to hex converter on the web and put the RGB values into it et voila! Simple really.....

If that's simple mate, I'd hate to see your definition of complicated