Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length

Hello Lurker! Remove this ad by logging in.

A must have $2000 bottle opener! 2326

Global Moderator Absolutely No Life Club Posts: 19,999 I may get older but I refuse to grow up.
A must have $2000 bottle opener!
« on: February 27, 2012, 12:19:24 PM »

The description is hilarious.  :facepalm:

After years of experimentation and mind numbing laboratory work the Mad Scientist of Haviland tm has finally been able to combine 2 favorite hobbies, meteorites and drinking beer. [/size]At long last, what the world really needs, a beer bottle opener made from 4.5 billion year old meteorite metal.  If that isn’t enough, what may superficially look like ordinary metal is in fact thought to have cooled a remarkably slow 3 degrees per million years in the center of an asteroid.  The resulting macroscopic crystals of iron and nickel are visible to the naked eye (may be fuzzy or not perceptible to a more modest eye).  Given the name Widmanstätten pattern, the macroscopic crystal structure of the meteorite nickel-iron can not be reproduced by mankind or else it would be manufactured in China and we’d be buying 5 a dollar at Walmart.You may be asking yourself, what kind of person would pay $2000 (inflation!) for a freaking bottle opener, for God’s sake it would have to be made out of pure I don’t know what.  Well I’m thinking the same simple folk receiving an annual bonus >$10MM.  When you are given that much dough all at once you don’t think twice about using a Grover to wipe your hiney.  Sadly, such folks are not likely to be opening bottles for themselves until the indictments freeze the accounts.  But while you are still in the mood for a great investment, rest assured the funds from this purchase will go directly into economic development and job creation as the Mad Scientist of Haviland tm is beginning a program to develop a meteorite wine bottle opener and solemnly swears to pay his tab before conducting any more research and will employ himself as head of bottle opener operations.  And we’re not talking Pagan Pink Ripple here folks, no sir, only the good stuff with a cork.The informed among you “;-)” will recognize that making beer bottle openers out of meteorites is a sure sign of the apocalypse.  So, eat, drink and be merry for the end is nigh.  For everyone else, don’t worry, everything is fine.  As always, please drink responsibly and never operate your spacecraft while impaired, you might fly it up someone’s nose and get them really cheesed off.OK, I’d better stop; the villagers are massing at the end of the drawbridge with pitchforks and torches.  The corporate sponsors are providing trebuchets nicely decorated with their logos trying to counteract declines in NASCAR attendance.  With the price of oil we can hardly keep the moat burning.And as a friendly reminder, please visit our eBay shop[/size] [/color][/size]http://stores.ebay.com/Haviland-Crater [/color] for more high quality, genuine meteorite materials (more appropriately priced).[/size]And don’t forget to drink your OVALTINE®.[/size]For auction: 29 gram Brenham iron meteorite slice in the frivolous form of a bottle opener with a through hole, sterling silver soldered loop.  Meteorite metal is not magic metal, iron will rust whether it is from an asteroid or Pittsburg.  If you put this in your sock drawer and pull it out for the big party it may not be pretty.  Iron and stony-iron meteorites require maintenance, a jewelry polishing cloth is included, that’s a $1 value, absolutely free!  The Mad Scientist of Haviland (tm) will personally train your man servant in the methods needed to keep the opener in tip top shape.  The slice is not etched but it is buffed to such a high degree the metal crystal pattern is subtlety visible.  Anyone that knows the Mad Scientist of Haviland (tm) or the Meteorite Whisperer (tm) will tell you subtlety is always held in the highest regard.  Beer not included, it has already been consumed.

Ambidangerous Mistress of Mod Admin Team Absolutely No Life Club Posts: 15,073 I'm not all bad, I'm just drawn that way.
Re: A must have $2000 bottle opener!
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2012, 02:37:29 PM »

That's what I call chutzpah! Good luck to anyone who can afford it however, fun trinket to have :D

I quite fancy a slice of the meteorite they sell - that's very pretty albeit unable to open bottles.

A dyslexic man walks in to a bra...

All my music for free: http://soundcloud.com/chrissyvandyke
Head Turd Polisher Administrator He who has the most nuts, wins! Posts: 55,920 Optimum instrumentum est inter aures
Re: A must have $2000 bottle opener!
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2012, 03:01:28 PM »
$1 polishing cloth absolutely free!   :ahhh


No Life Club Posts: 1,209 In a world of compromise, some don't.
Re: A must have $2000 bottle opener!
« Reply #3 on: February 27, 2012, 03:24:40 PM »
Without a doubt the most ridiculous item and description i've ever seen on-line.  :rofl:
Thanks for sharing.  :salute:

No Life Club Posts: 2,577 There is no spoon
Re: A must have $2000 bottle opener!
« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2012, 09:31:39 PM »
I hope Bob posts some pictures when he gets it... :D

Never underestimate the power of the fleece
Absolutely No Life Club Posts: 6,001 Not taking any more orders.
A must have $2000 bottle opener!
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2012, 03:47:13 PM »
I hope Bob posts some pictures when he gets it... :D

More like Chako lol
New User Posts: 2
Re: A must have $2000 bottle opener!
« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2012, 02:29:11 AM »
"will rust whether it is from asteroid or Pittsburgh" says it all.
No Life Club Posts: 1,703 Test
Re: A must have $2000 bottle opener!
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2017, 11:15:12 PM »
I have slightly over 80 SAKs. Considering the condition these are in, it would not be too much to value them at $ 25 a piece, on average. Which amounts to $ 2,000  worth of can openers, beer openers, and wine openers. They are manufactured of stainless steel, and do not require a servant (unless for opening bottles, that is).
Hero Member Posts: 950 Born to multitask.
Re: A must have $2000 bottle opener!
« Reply #8 on: March 11, 2017, 07:54:20 PM »



Operational Funds

Keep the Unworkable working! Donate with PayPal!
March Goal: $275.00
Due Date: Mar 31
Total Receipts: $75.00
PayPal Fees: $4.34
Net Balance: $70.66
Below Goal: $204.34
Site Currency: USD
March Donations

Community Links

Powered by EzPortal
© 2016 Defender Web & Tool