Giveaway

[edcgear]

Yesterday March 8th

- I was in walk with my kids. While walking I started the "8th March gift" talk. So I asked what do they think we should buy to mom and grandmom... My 9yo son replied: "Don't count me in! I've made my present in school!". Ok, no problem, I'll pay for them 

After a while walking we entered in flower shop. I picked up a royal lily, and asked them to make a nice bouquette...

We started walking home, so I've asked my daughter (5 year old) *next is transcript of our conversation*

Me: "Jovana, would you like to give your grandma this flower's?"
Jovana (while looking at me very surprised): "But my mom loves flowers also!!"
Me: "Ok, I know, but I think I'll buy something else to mom!"
Jovana: "I saw a beautifull pink shoes! Mom would love them!" (IMHO I dont need to say she chooses everything pink. She even likes Grant kayak  )
Me: "Well I didn't have shoes in mind, I thaught some nice shirt, or clothes. Do you have any other suggestion?"
Jovana: "Well buy mom a ring! She loves rings. And bracellet... And necklace..."
Me: "Well Jovana I've bought her a ring when we got married...." She haven't left me finish and quickly said
Jovana: "Well there is no such thing as enough jewelery!!!" 

Damn when do they get so OLD?!?

[82brutus]

This thread is knee slapping funny. 

Maybe for you... I'm not slapping anything. It's more of a wincing, shielding motion.

[hawkchucker]

Not entering this because no one would believe it, but Grant and Bob will verrify that my wife told them its true.
I shot a cow with a cannon. Yup I shot a cow! Wife said I could not buy one because I was to irresponsible she was right. I bought a mortor that shot beercans filled with cement, and brought it to work with 2 cases of ammo and 3 pounds of powder. We proceeded to shoot the rounds into the forest and never relised that a cow paddock was in there. We hit the cow directly in the head and had to pay for the vet visit. Police took the cannon and wife proved she married a moron

[powernoodle]

It is early Spring, and I am at a social gathering on the veranda of a Victorian mansion situated on 700 acres just outside of Charleston, SC. A cool spring breeze is bringing the smell of ribs from the grill. An intoxicating aroma of charcoal and sizzling meat.

The estate's owner, a very attractive young widow who recently inherited a shipping fortune of almost $800M, is clearly captivated by my charm and good humor. She approaches, accompanied by her twin sister who has returned just this morning from a boarding school in Switzerland. After a shy giggle and a bit of conversation, the young widow flings her long, brown hair away from her face and asks if I might slice a lime for her Gin and Tonic. As she does so, I sense the slightest whiff of her scent, which is quickly replaced by that of the grill. I find myself suddenly hungry, though for what I know not.

I am faced with a choice.  Do I:

a) remove from my pocket a Spyderco Camo Military with black blade, and snap it open with a satisfying clunk?  If so, the young widow retracts in fear and drops her Gin and Tonic.  Her security personnel wrestle me to the ground and removes me from the estate; or,

b) or, I casually remove an old style GAK from my pocket, that my good buddy tattoosteve99 had just given me.  I casually slice the lime with the GAK's razor edge, and place a slice in the widow's drink. As I do so, my hand briefly touches hers, precipitating her to blush. But the blush is accompanied by an unblinking stare into my own eyes, and I see her pupils dilate ever so slightly. After an embarrassed pause, she asks if I might accompany her and her sister on a private walking tour of the riding stables. I accept, and the three of us begin our stroll as the sun begins to set behind the adjacent hills.

It could happen.  If only I had a GAK . . .  .

[angusW]

This happened many years ago one summer when I was 14. I went to a football camp in Ohio with some of my teammates and our coach. The first day at the camp we were split up into different groups with my group getting a classic drill sergeant for a coach. The first thing he tells us is to put a piece of masking tape onto our helmets and to write our first initial and our last name on the tape. So I get the roll of tape, put a piece on my helmet and write my first initial and last name. I then put my helmet on and stand still as I had a feeling that it wouldn't be a good idea to get on this coaches bad side. So everyone finishes with the tape and the coach turns around to instruct us for the practice but then he stops and stares in my direction. He then points at my direction and yells "Boy. Are you trying to be some kind of wise a$&?" I then look to my left and then to my right to see who he's yelling at because I'm just standing there doing nothing. He then walks right up to me with his face just a few inches away and says "Boy. I asked you a question".

It never occurred to me before that day but you see, my last name is 'Watt' and my first initial is 'T'.

After some explaining he cracked a smile and then roared with laughter. He ended up being an excellent coach and we got along just fine that week.

[hugh_h]

1. I was at a party at a coworkers home. I grabbed a bottle of beer, noticed it wasn't a twist-off cap, and started to open it with my Victorinox Adventurer. I didn't want to crack the glass, 'cuz with a SAK, you need to work the opener around the cap rather than just flip it off with one motion of a regular cap lifter. (Or, if *you* can do it in one motion, I guess I just don't have the knack.) Doing the process in a couple steps leaves the cap nearly undeformed. So, I had the cap off and pocketed my knife. A couple guys came over to talk to me when I went to remove the cap that was just sitting on top of the bottle. "That's not a twist-off!" They said, and I kind of hammed it up how I was twisting the cap off. After that, they thought I was some kind of hulk.

2. I was going over to help a friend move, and grabbed my survival knife thinking that a real big blade might help unpack if there were big boxes to cut open. Plus, on the backside, there is a bottle opener. You know how people look when they expect you to whip out a pen knife and you pull out a medium-sized blade? Well, imagine the knife-averse people's reaction when someone says "Can you open up this taped box?" and you whip out a survival knife!

[hugh_h]

3. A few years back, my company rewarded its employees for submitting cost savings ideas with gift certificates. More certificates meant more or better gifts. One of the things I used several certificates on was a Buck knife...really sturdy and thick, with wood scales and brass end caps...a real solid and quality lock back single blade knife. Last Christmas, my oldest son got me a Wenger Ranger Grip knife, which I absolutely love. Instead of the normal "nick" in the blade that lets you open it with one hand while holding it in the other, the Ranger has a thumb hole and you can flick that thing open with one hand. Being able to flip a knife open with one hand was a slick trick.

I was using the Buck knife, and noticed that if you *really* tried and flicked your thumb just right, you could open it one handed. So, I wanted to show sonny my clever trick. When I showed him how I could open the Buck knife one handed, I ran my thumb down the blade and sliced it open. Because the Buck was so sharp, it was a deep cut that took three weeks to heal.

4. I unlocked my desk at work, and tossed my keys into a side drawer. The lock mechanism that works all the drawers had rotated enough to access the side drawers, but the lap drawer must have needed a few more degrees of rotation because it was still latched. Rather than get the keys out of the side drawer, I used the large screwdriver blade on my SAK to turn the thing another couple degrees. One of my cubicle mates walked in at that time, and now thinks I can pick locks with my SAK.

[Swiss Man]

My story has the National security of two nations (Germany & USA) 
relationships between soldiers, silliness and bucking against the system.
All rolled into one.

Many years ago I was assigned to a Nuclear security site in 
Rodenkircken Germany. 

It was a joint security site meaning the Germans owed the land, buildings and bunkers and the US owned the ten Nike Hercules missiles in the barns.

Being a Nuclear site there was a lot of stress (rumor has it that one of our Nike's had 10 x the firepower of Hiroshima) and we had ten of them. So we found ways to entertain ourselves and build relationship with the other soldiers.

Attached to the security building was a 40' concrete reinforced guard tower with two highly trained German soldiers. 

Since they wanted "no distraction" while on duty they were not allowed to eat while in the tower (these shifts would last from 8 to 12 hours).

I knew one of the guards in the tower and he called me and asked if I could get them some food.  Looking thru our refrigerator I found some tasty items and put them in a mess bag.

The only  trouble is there is only one access to the tower and that is thru the German side of the building and they would frown on me carrying food thru there.

Having a small nylon rope in my AWOL bag I grabbed it and headed out the door into the limited area. 

Climbing up on the building I walked to the side of the tower. 

Opening a gun port I tossed up the rope, they unraveled it an lowered it back down. 

Since the rope was nylon it was coiled and wasn't reaching me, attaching a pants belt to the end he tries again.  Now it is about a foot too short for me to reach.  

They say third time is a charm,he pulled it all back in attached a weight to it and dropped it back out the window.

The weight uncoiled the rope just enough for me to reach as I took the weight off  I noticed it was a German Issue Swiss Army Knife (never saw one before didn't know they existed)  I tied off the bag and dropped the GAK in and they pulled their lunch up into the tower.

About an hour passed they called to have me come and get it (after all you gotta remove ALL EVIDENCE) back up on the roof and down came the bag and all.

After shift I was talking to my friend  I asked him about the GAK he took it out and handed it to me.

Admiring it I told him I was a big Swiss army fan.  Handling it back to him he backed away and told me it was mine now. "Don't worry I have another".

That was twenty plus years ago and since then  I "forwarded" it to another individual.

[tattoosteve99]

BUMP! Come on people. Surely you have a story or 3.

[Dr.Lipids]

I have plenty of stories if they don't have to be multi related!

So I recently got a kindle which is great for this two hour break I have between classes.  My first chance to sit down and read and I can't find a nice quiet place to sit!  So I remember that this building I've had classes in is virtually empty on the 3rd floor.  Head up there, a girl is reading on the window sill. Oh god. Can't be alone around a woman.  Hmm. I walk a bit further and find a bathroom. Perfect! So I sit on the throne and read away.  50ish wonderful minutes of reading later and I need to get going to class. I walk out of the bathroom and there is a beautiful girl sitting right across from the men's bathroom... Oh god again. How long has she been there?    I get the heck out of there and hope to never see her again.

This probably isn't the best. Just the most recent. I have many uncomfortable experiences relating to women.

[angusW]

I have plenty of stories if they don't have to be multi related!

So I recently got a kindle which is great for this two hour break I have between classes.  My first chance to sit down and read and I can't find a nice quiet place to sit!  So I remember that this building I've had classes in is virtually empty on the 3rd floor.  Head up there, a girl is reading on the window sill. Oh god. Can't be alone around a woman.  Hmm. I walk a bit further and find a bathroom. Perfect! So I sit on the throne and read away.  50ish wonderful minutes of reading later and I need to get going to class. I walk out of the bathroom and there is a beautiful girl sitting right across from the men's bathroom... Oh god again. How long has she been there?    I get the heck out of there and hope to never see her again.

This probably isn't the best. Just the most recent. I have many uncomfortable experiences relating to women.

I've been married almost 10 years brother. I hear ya 

[MadPlumbarian]

I have plenty of stories if they don't have to be multi related!

So I recently got a kindle which is great for this two hour break I have between classes.  My first chance to sit down and read and I can't find a nice quiet place to sit!  So I remember that this building I've had classes in is virtually empty on the 3rd floor.  Head up there, a girl is reading on the window sill. Oh god. Can't be alone around a woman.  Hmm. I walk a bit further and find a bathroom. Perfect! So I sit on the throne and read away.  50ish wonderful minutes of reading later and I need to get going to class. I walk out of the bathroom and there is a beautiful girl sitting right across from the men's bathroom... Oh god again. How long has she been there?    I get the heck out of there and hope to never see her again.

This probably isn't the best. Just the most recent. I have many uncomfortable experiences relating to women.

I've been married almost 10 years brother. I hear ya 

LOL ive been married for going on 13yrs, and couldnt say it any better..  JR

[Dr.Lipids]

I have plenty of stories if they don't have to be multi related!

So I recently got a kindle which is great for this two hour break I have between classes.  My first chance to sit down and read and I can't find a nice quiet place to sit!  So I remember that this building I've had classes in is virtually empty on the 3rd floor.  Head up there, a girl is reading on the window sill. Oh god. Can't be alone around a woman.  Hmm. I walk a bit further and find a bathroom. Perfect! So I sit on the throne and read away.  50ish wonderful minutes of reading later and I need to get going to class. I walk out of the bathroom and there is a beautiful girl sitting right across from the men's bathroom... Oh god again. How long has she been there?    I get the heck out of there and hope to never see her again.

This probably isn't the best. Just the most recent. I have many uncomfortable experiences relating to women.

I've been married almost 10 years brother. I hear ya 

LOL ive been married for going on 13yrs, and couldnt say it any better..  JR

So it never gets better... 

[tattoosteve99]

Come on people. This is a giveaway after all.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz]

Well, I think my bike messenger story was my best shot, but I do have another one I can tell about the night I met my wife...

We were both students at Berkeley many years ago, and were members of the campus hiking club, called the Cal Hiking And Outdoor Society, acronym - CHAOS. 

They were having a Halloween party and I had been a member of a group of weirdos called the Society for Creative Anachronism, who hold big campout/get-togethers, wear medieval clothes, and dress up in armor and beat on each other with big sticks.  I hadn't been active in the group for a while but still had my 9th century Danish viking duds, so I wore them to the party.  I also took along my bearded axe and my Hauskarl's axe, both well wrapped and tied of course.

Well, I was enjoying the party, and she actually introduced herself to me... she was wearing a heavy black cape and had zombie face paint.  She asked me what I was so I explained and showed her my axe, and no joke... my hollowed out steer's horn that I used for drinking.  (Yes, I can already see the jokes that's gonna get...) 

After several minutes of conversation I guess she thought I was interesting enough and decided to reel me in, so she took off her cape.  Well, underneath, other than the skirt and tights she was wearing, she only had on a long sleeved black lace top that was pretty see-through, and no bra, and she's rather well proportioned...     Now, if there's one thing I'd learned in my life up to that point, if you want a well proportioned gal to think well of you, you look her in the eye at all times and never stare at her chest.  (Think Seinfeld... "cleavage is like the sun... you glance at it, and look away...)

Anyway, I offered her a drink and she accepted... dressed up as a viking, I had brought a couple of bottles of mead with me, so I went to retrieve them from where I had stashed them in the fridge in the house where the party was.  Back in the living room, I saw she had gone and sat down on the couch and there was another guy sitting next to her, talking to her.  (She still had her cape off, and had a small crowd of guys buzzing around her...) 

The spot on the couch next to her was open so I walked right over and sat down next to her, put my arm around her shoulders, and handed her a bottle of mead.  She didn't flinch or object at all...  The guy on the other side of her asked her who I was; she told him and that I was bringing her the drink I'd promised her, but he didn't seem to appreciate my directness with her, and ended up getting up and walking away, as did most every guy that was there...  I say TS for them... fortune favors the bold!

Anyway, after having a few more drinks and talking for a while, she asked if I wanted to go outside with her and get some fresh air, which of course I gladly agreed to.  Once outside we found a quiet, private place, and proceeded to snog enthusiastically...  after about 10 min. she pushed me away and slapped my face, HARD!  I was stunned... I sheepishly asked what that was for, and she said flat out, in no uncertain terms... "We've been talking for over an hour, and you never even once looked at my t*ts!"  At that point I informed her I'd be happy to look at them all she wanted!  A short while later, we went to my apartment.  Our wedding was 15 mos. later.  (And no, it was NOT a shotgun wedding! )

This is the outfit she was wearing that night, at a party we had the following year, however, she's got appropriate undergarments on in this one...

[turnsouth]

So to sum up the story, the guy dressed like a geek hooks up with the hot chick at the party, who get pissed that he is not objectifying her because her outfit is smoking hot too, takes her home and get to spend the rest of his life with her?

 

Where is the justice...
 

[tattoosteve99]

Going to be closing this soon as not many people interested. It's a shame    . I figured it would go good but I guess not. Closing this on Sunday 3/25 and I will announce winner(s) later.

[Sazabi]

I just don't have any good stories. ^^;

Heinz:  Lucky guy.  Meow.

[Threeme2189]

So to sum up the story, the guy dressed like a geek hooks up with the hot chick at the party, who get pissed that he is not objectifying her because her outfit is smoking hot too, takes her home and get to spend the rest of his life with her?

 

Where is the justice...
 

Life isn't fair!!!

Good for you

[scattergun13]

I for one, found it to be a nice distraction. Thanks tattoo, and to everyone else as well. Also a special thanks to Heinz, I salute you sir  . I have a spare bedroom for you when she finds out you posted that...
Stew and Ajo...

[tattoosteve99]

We have 2 winners. 1st place is scattergun13 and second place is Heinz. Congrats guys and I will be in contact very soon. Thanks for playing.

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz]

I for one, found it to be a nice distraction. Thanks tattoo, and to everyone else as well. Also a special thanks to Heinz, I salute you sir  . I have a spare bedroom for you when she finds out you posted that...
Stew and Ajo...

I'll keep it in mind!

[82brutus]

I thought it was a great contest, I just didn't have any stories that could come close to that. 

Only one I could think of was the time I almost got killed on my first day of a two month stay in Guatemala when I was fifteen.

Sent from my phone.

[edcgear]

Great contest!! And love the stories!!

Thanks tattoosteve99 for the chance 

Congrats scattergun13 and Heinz. 

[Zed]

Nice one steve, and congrats guys, i would of entered but although got some stories my memory is crap and i type with the speed of a striking slug   

[Logrus9]

Thanks Tattoo, this thread was hilarious! 

Congrats to the winners.

[turnsouth]

Congratulations to the winners

[badwolf]

Nice one steve, and congrats guys, i would of entered but although got some stories my memory is crap and i type with the speed of a striking slug   

Congrats to the winners, great stories great giveaway tattoosteve99

[Heinz Doofenshmirtz]

I'm honored!   

[AHB]

Good show. congrats guys..


Sent from my iPhone 4S using Tapatalk.