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[CLOSED] Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway

hr Offline enki_ck

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We already gave one of these away to our No Lifers so it's time to give other guys a chance to own one of these too. :cheers:

And, of course No Lifers can play again too. :P

The prize:



 :dd:


What do you need to do to get on this one? Simple, tell us a joke. Each joke earns you one entry, but they have to be posted in separate posts to make it easier for me to make a list later on. :salute:

We already had a giveaway like this a few years back and it was a blast, but please don't copy the jokes from that thread, you guys and gals are hilarious in most of your posts anyways. :fugly:

AND PLEASE, REMEMBER THE ONLY RULES WE HAVE ON MTO, FAMILY FRIENDLY; NO RELIGION, NO POLITICS!

Open worldwide no matter what your post count is. We draw the winner on the 23th at 20:00h CET (server offset time)

Get posting and have fun. :pok:
« Last Edit: July 24, 2015, 12:12:59 PM by enki_ck »


ca Offline Toolslinger

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #1 on: July 17, 2015, 10:12:02 PM
I already have a nice cap on it's way, so I'll sit this one out.

Great GAW and I look forward to some funny jokes!


ch Offline Etherealicer

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #2 on: July 17, 2015, 10:14:35 PM
 :woohoo:

Looking forward to read all the jokes :P
Thanks LM

An old and a young man at the Zoo. Suddenly, the young man ask the older: "Waddaya think would this tiger tell us if he could speak"? "Well", replies the old man, he probably would say: "I'm a jaguar".
It wouldn't be the internet without people complaining.


ca Offline derekmac

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #3 on: July 17, 2015, 10:26:49 PM
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? - Damn


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ca Offline derekmac

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #4 on: July 17, 2015, 10:27:29 PM
Thanks for the chance LM!


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cy Offline dks

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #5 on: July 17, 2015, 10:29:18 PM
None of my jokes are within the forum rules.... :facepalm:

Maybe I will find some tomorrow...
Kelly: "Daddy, what makes men cheat on women?
Al : "Women!"

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ro Offline Corwyn

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #6 on: July 17, 2015, 10:30:37 PM
None of my jokes are within the forum rules.... :facepalm:

Maybe I will find some tomorrow...

Corwyn of Multitool, the First of His name, King of Victorinox, King of Leatherman, Gerber and the First Generation SOG, Lord of the Seven Wrenches, Protector of the Forum, Khal of the Bushes, called Corwyn Toolborn, the Unsharpened, Father of SAKs.


de Offline RT1969

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #7 on: July 17, 2015, 10:32:14 PM
A sphere rolls around a corner, trips and falls down....


I have the slight feeling that it is funnier in german.  ;)
« Last Edit: July 17, 2015, 10:36:21 PM by RT1969 »


ro Offline Corwyn

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #8 on: July 17, 2015, 10:39:24 PM
Not an entry.

A man was going every day to a grave with flowers and sobbing: "Why did you have to go, why did you goooo?  :cry: "
A priest is so impressed of his sadness that he asks the man: "Poor you, who was he? Your father, your brother, your son?"
The man answers between the tears: "My wife's first husband..."
Corwyn of Multitool, the First of His name, King of Victorinox, King of Leatherman, Gerber and the First Generation SOG, Lord of the Seven Wrenches, Protector of the Forum, Khal of the Bushes, called Corwyn Toolborn, the Unsharpened, Father of SAKs.


ro Offline Corwyn

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #9 on: July 17, 2015, 10:41:27 PM
Another similar one.. still not an entry:
A man goes to a witch: "Milady, you must help me, because a priest put a curse on me and my liife went down the drain."
"Hmmm... a curse you say.. what were the actual words he used?"
"I now pronounce you husband and wife...  ::)"
Corwyn of Multitool, the First of His name, King of Victorinox, King of Leatherman, Gerber and the First Generation SOG, Lord of the Seven Wrenches, Protector of the Forum, Khal of the Bushes, called Corwyn Toolborn, the Unsharpened, Father of SAKs.


bg Offline N_N_R

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #10 on: July 17, 2015, 10:44:33 PM
a five-word joke: dks not derailing a thread. :D


de Offline RT1969

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #11 on: July 17, 2015, 10:49:52 PM
That reminded me:

A man goes to the park and sits down on a bench. He sees two workers: the first one digs a hole and piles up the soil next to it. 5 Steps behind him, the second worker shovels all the soil back into the hole and flattens the earth. The two men advance in this fashion in a straight line for half an hour. Finally the man watchin them stands up and asks them: "I usually don't interfere with the work of others, but may I ask what you are doing here? This seems to be totally pointless to me." One of the workers replies: "Well, our third man who plants the trees is home with illness today.".


de Offline RT1969

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #12 on: July 17, 2015, 10:50:28 PM
a five-word joke: dks not derailing a thread. :D

In-Con-Ceive-Able!  :D


de Offline Sweety-Sama

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #13 on: July 17, 2015, 10:55:11 PM
Two cows are sitting in a cellar and hacking heating oil.
One of them says to the other: next week is Christmas
The other: I know, but I'm not going


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Using a future communicator stolen from the NCC-1701


us Offline captain spaulding

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #14 on: July 17, 2015, 11:24:26 PM
Thank you for the giveaway!



How do you make a tissue dance?



You put a little boogie in it.  :D
I'm the milk man!


us Offline mrynnr

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #15 on: July 17, 2015, 11:31:50 PM
Why did the mushroom get invited to every party?
Because he was a fungi... :facepalm:


us Offline detron

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #16 on: July 17, 2015, 11:56:40 PM
Thank you Leatherman, MTO, and staff.

A man in Alaska hears a noise on his roof, and goes outside to see a bear on his roof.
he goes back in and calls the wildlife department,  but they cannot make it for another 48 hours.
so he calls a pest removal service and a van shows up outside his house within 2 hours.
the driver opens the side door and lets out a dog that is riddled with scars yet seems non-threatening, a ladder, a cattle prod, and a shotgun.
the driver hands the shotgun to the home-owner, grabs the ladder and heads towards the house.
the home owner says "Hey, what's the plan, and why do I have the gun?"
"I am going to use the ladder to go up on the roof with this cattle prod, I will shock the bear until he jumps off the roof.  Rosco over there has been trained to grab whatever falls by the crotch and hold on until I can get back and tranquilize the animal, then we escort it back to the wild"

the home-owner seems satisfied, but then shouts "Hey what is the shotgun for??"

"If I fall off,  shoot the smurfing dog!!!!!"

 
If I can help, let me know 


us Offline captain spaulding

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #17 on: July 18, 2015, 12:05:01 AM
What's the difference between a smart man and a stupid man?



Nothing. They both think they know everything.
I'm the milk man!


us Offline Kampfer

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #18 on: July 18, 2015, 12:33:23 AM
What's the difference between a smart man and a stupid man?



Nothing. They both think they know everything.
The more you know, the less you know you know.
EDC: Black Talon, Black Cat, Spirit, LD02


ca Offline Toolslinger

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #19 on: July 18, 2015, 12:35:01 AM
What's the difference between a smart man and a stupid man?



Nothing. They both think they know everything.
The more you know, the less you know you know.
Sad, but true.


us Offline detron

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #20 on: July 18, 2015, 12:49:56 AM
perfect for this site

 There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
If I can help, let me know 


ca Offline Toolslinger

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #21 on: July 18, 2015, 12:54:21 AM
perfect for this site

 There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Ya. There are day's I don't know where I fall anymore.


us Offline SAK Guy

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #22 on: July 18, 2015, 04:52:55 AM
Why didn't the 13 year old get into the Pirate movie?

It was rated Arrrrrrrrrr!
- Robert




Quo Fata Ferunt
"It's sad that governments are chiefed by the double tongues." - Ten Bears


us Offline captain spaulding

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #23 on: July 18, 2015, 06:59:07 AM
A old joke from a Cheech and Chong movie.


What's green, red, and goes 100mph?.........



A frog in a blender.
I'm the milk man!


cy Offline dks

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #24 on: July 18, 2015, 07:06:23 AM
What is similar between a single man and a married man?


They both believe the other one is getting "it"  ;) ;) all the time
Kelly: "Daddy, what makes men cheat on women?
Al : "Women!"

[ Knife threads ]  [ Country shopping guides ]  [ Battery-Charger-Light threads ]  [ Picture threads ]


cy Offline dks

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #25 on: July 18, 2015, 07:09:58 AM
A Rabbi , a congressman and Osama walk into a strip club..... yes, probably not suitable....   :D :D :D
Kelly: "Daddy, what makes men cheat on women?
Al : "Women!"

[ Knife threads ]  [ Country shopping guides ]  [ Battery-Charger-Light threads ]  [ Picture threads ]


si Offline lister

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #26 on: July 18, 2015, 08:54:53 AM
How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?

So much about meta-humor...  :D
There is no magic therefore gadgets!


ro Offline Corwyn

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #27 on: July 18, 2015, 09:10:28 AM
An engineer looks at a long deep well, made by his workers: "Guys, why is there a light on the bottom?"
"It was according with your drawing, sir..."
He takes the drawing, turns it upside down and says:
"You idiots: it was supposed to be a lighthouse!!!"

Not an entry, just joining in the funsies  :P
« Last Edit: July 18, 2015, 09:39:25 AM by Corwyn »
Corwyn of Multitool, the First of His name, King of Victorinox, King of Leatherman, Gerber and the First Generation SOG, Lord of the Seven Wrenches, Protector of the Forum, Khal of the Bushes, called Corwyn Toolborn, the Unsharpened, Father of SAKs.


no Offline Grathr

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #28 on: July 18, 2015, 04:12:45 PM

An engineer looks at a long deep well, made by his workers: "Guys, why is there a light on the bottom?"
"It was according with your drawing, sir..."
He takes the drawing, turns it upside down and says:
"You idiots: it was supposed to be a lighthouse!!!"

Not an entry, just joining in the funsies  :P

:rofl:


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-Knívleysur maður er lívleysur maður.
 "A Knifeless man is a lifeless man" old Faroese proverb.


gr Offline kkokkolis

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Re: Tell us a joke --> 9th Anniversary LM Hat giveaway
Reply #29 on: July 18, 2015, 07:37:34 PM
Two men are talking in a bar. After four drinks one gets emotional and says: "My wife is an angel!", "You lucky guy" says the other, "mine is still alive!"


 

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