As Seen on TV

Grant Lamontagne · **on:** November 22, 2016, 10:15:38 PM

Are you tired of using the same old plier based multitool for all your kitchen needs? Does a quality tool bore you? Are you ready to wrap your head in Saran Wrap just thinking about whether you need a Leatherman or a Gerber?

If you answered YES to any of these, then you need an AS SEEN ON TV multitool! They slice, they dice, they chop and they slap just like Zsa Zsa Gabor. It whitens your whites and puts it's hands on its hips like a lumberjack in the mountains showing pride in his rampant deforestation for the day.

But wait, that's not all!

That's right, if you keep reading you'll see a few of the As Seen On TV multitools I have in my collection- RIGHT NOW!

The first one I am going to look at looks like the illegitimate love child of BB-8 and Marvin the Paranoid Robot, and is called the All Open 8 in 1 kitchen multitool.

So what are the 8 functions? Simple:

Bottle cap lifter
Jar cap lifter
Twist off bottle cap twister
Corkscrew
Wine stopper
Can topper
Foil cutter
Pull tab lifter

Don't believe me? Watch the commercial:

So how good are the functions? Well, as three of them (jar cap lifter, cap lifter and pull tab lifter) are exactly the same, I wondered how the rest would work out- maybe they budgeted for eight tools and cheaped out on three so they could go above and beyond with the other 5!

The base comes off and exposes the corkscrew, which is fine if you want to use the corkscrew, but if you need to use the base as a can topper or wine stopper, you are left with a fist sized ball rolling around your kitchen with a pointy steel worm sticking out of it. Fun for the whole family!

I will say that the corkscrew does indeed work well enough. There are a couple of wedges on the inside of the main ball that keep the cork from twisting as you turn the top ball to drive the corkscrew in. Physics does the rest and the cork comes out well enough. The foil cutter is actually the three steel pins you see sticking out in the above photo, and should more aptly be called a "foil ripper and tearer and maker a messer of-er" because that would be somewhat more accurate.

The jar cap lifter, bottle cap lifter and pull tab lifter are, as I said, all the same tool, so I'm not sure I can in good conscience list it as three separate functions, any more than I can refer to a single bladed knife as a multifunction tool since you can open envelopes with it, cut cheese with it, perform surgery with it, strip wire with it, dispatch zombies with it, cut string to very specific lengths with it etc.

It's one smurfing function, no matter how many different ways you want to dress it up.

That brings us to the next tool, the bottle cap twisting tool. I could see this as functional, if it wasn't more of a pain in the bum to use this tool than to not. A tool should make an action more convenient, but who wants to grab a fist sized ball with a smaller ball and a satellite dish sticking out of it just to knock a cap off a bottle? Or you could leave the dish behind (or maybe it's already stuck to a can or stopping a wine bottle) so you can twist that bottle cap off with the afore mentioned steel worm sticking out? The family that bandages together, stays together.... and little Timmy didn't really need that eye anyway.....

But, I'll leave it up to this tool's father to sum up it's usefulness.

Def

Chako · **Reply #1 on:** November 23, 2016, 12:19:59 AM

AimlessWanderer · **Reply #2 on:** November 23, 2016, 12:48:48 AM

Damn good review

Grant Lamontagne · **Reply #3 on:** November 23, 2016, 12:54:07 AM

Oh yeah, this tool cost $14.95, and for that price I'd suggest you give it a pass. There are better options for $15.

Def

ColoSwiss · **Reply #4 on:** November 23, 2016, 02:21:59 AM

Chako now has one on order.

Poncho65 · **Reply #5 on:** November 23, 2016, 02:57:17 AM

That is to funny

As Seen On TV stuff is on my Stay Away From list

Sea Monster · **Reply #6 on:** November 23, 2016, 02:57:59 AM

Quote

Chako now has one on order.

Two, one for storage, one for show.

It's okay though, he took advantage of the first 50 callers offer and got both (plus an ab-rocker, valued at 5,000,000 dollars) for just 14.95 plus postage and handling.

(I can't believe I'm saying this, and I'm not particularly sure it applies to this abomination......

A lot of crap sold on late night TV is designed for people with disabilities, and then sold to the masses to make up sales.

So whenever you see something that seems patently ridiculous, try to imagine if it would be more useful if you had 1 arm, or arthritis, or cerebral palsy - If it makes more sense through those eyes, then it was probably designed to be used by someone with more limited abilities, but there are not enough of them buying the product so it gets a terrible spiel and a spot at 2am to market to people who's only disability is poor decision making)

Grant Lamontagne · **Reply #7 on:** November 23, 2016, 04:00:34 AM

Now you have me thinking of adding utility to other As Seen on TV items. Perhaps a Snuggy with MOLLE panels?

Def

ColoSwiss · **Reply #8 on:** November 23, 2016, 05:58:08 AM

The Vegamatic!!! It slices, it dices, it makes jullien fries!!!

Ed McMahan, Johnny Carson's old side kick, got his start peddling Vegamatics at state fairs. Said he always used beets in the demonstrations so the blood wouldn't show.

ColoSwiss · **Reply #9 on:** November 23, 2016, 06:02:55 AM

And don't forget the Pocket Fisherman!!

Does it catch fish??!! YOU BET!!!

Chako · **Reply #10 on:** November 23, 2016, 12:31:06 PM

I have not bought one yet.

I will add however, that as seen on tv product sales pitches are particularly nasty if you just happen to fall asleep while watching TV at night. I can recall having a vivid dream about that woof washer 360 product, but instead of cleaning dogs, I attempted to clean my cats. Yeah, it was a bit of a nightmare that one.

Alan K. · **Reply #11 on:** November 23, 2016, 06:33:38 PM

Quote from: Sea Monster on November 23, 2016, 02:57:59 AM

Quote
Chako now has one on order.

Two, one for storage, one for show.

It's okay though, he took advantage of the first 50 callers offer and got both (plus an ab-rocker, valued at 5,000,000 dollars) for just 14.95 plus postage and handling.

(I can't believe I'm saying this, and I'm not particularly sure it applies to this abomination......

A lot of crap sold on late night TV is designed for people with disabilities, and then sold to the masses to make up sales.

So whenever you see something that seems patently ridiculous, try to imagine if it would be more useful if you had 1 arm, or arthritis, or cerebral palsy - If it makes more sense through those eyes, then it was probably designed to be used by someone with more limited abilities, but there are not enough of them buying the product so it gets a terrible spiel and a spot at 2am to market to people who's only disability is poor decision making)

That makes so much sense. I never thought of it that way.