Report Derailments to the Anti Derailment dept here.

[magentus]

There is an onslaught of derailments on the forum.

A small but highly trained group of forum stalwarts, to whit - Sergeant ('Sarge') Fuzzbucket and I have decided it's time to step up and offer a solution to the problem of threads devolving into a quagmire of perversity and surrealism. To this end we have formed a quasi-military unit (with badges, a club headquarters, theme song and our very own Anti-Derailment Midden where we will ceremonially chuck the guilty threads).

Obviously even soldiers as vigorous as Sarge and myself will be inundated so we could use a little help. In order to serve you must prove you have what it takes: Guts, determination, verve, vigour, chutzpah, courage, nous, spunk, grit, kahona's, steel, perseverance, and you have to supply your own uniform (Dark grey with a red stripe on sleeves and trouser hem, golden epaulets and braiding, black shirt with diamonte detailing, sturdy boots and red socks.

Above all you must be steadfast in the battle against derailment and be able to prove you have no history of wrecking, despoiling, going 'Off Topic', straying from the path, hijacking or otherwise.

So far we have:

Captain Mags - Baltic Patrol
Sergeant (Sarge) Fuzzbucket - Rural Midden Department

We'll be needing some foot soldiers, a caterer, an internal security division and a scully maid. If any of these positions interest you please apply directly myself or the Sarge.

Otherwise, if there are any miscreants derailing a thread please inform us confidentially and we will bring our full force onto them like a huge block of cheese.

BTW I note with interest that our local minimarket has got a special on stir in carbonara sauce. 

[Fuzzbucket]

...

So far we have:

Captain Mags - Baltic Patrol
Sergeant (Sarge) Fuzzbucket - Rural Midden Department

We'll be needing some foot soldiers, a caterer, an internal security division and a scully maid. If any of these positions interest you please apply directly myself or the Sarge.

Otherwise, if there are any miscreants derailing a thread please inform us confidentially and we will bring our full force onto them like a huge block of cheese.

BTW I note with interest that our local minimarket has got a special on stir in carbonara sauce. 

... and Kitchens.

Sergeant (Sarge) Fuzzbucket - Rural Midden Department and Kitchens

 

[magentus]

Carry on Sarge 

[Fuzzbucket]

Wait a minute - hold the bus...  what's the pay... and perks?

[magentus]

The pay is the knowledge that you're making a difference. The perks are getting to jail forum members for realsy, lording it over everyone and an enormous amount of power.

My first act as Captain of the Baltic patrol division was to order 500 bricks to build a derail jail to confine miscreants.

500 bricks should be enough do you think?

[Don Pablo]

My back says yes....

[magentus]

I wondered how long it would take for the arch derailer to turn up. You'll not derail this thread while I and Sarge have a breath left in our bodies.

Could you wait around until I get this brick brig built please Pabs? Then I shall sentence you to a day or two of rerailment therapy.

If you want to make yourself useful while I sort the brig out, Sarge needs a hand with the 'middencakes' in the kitchen. Make sure you do a good job with them because that's your meals for the next few days.

[Fuzzbucket]

500 bricks for three walls... sounds about right.

[Fuzzbucket]

I wondered how long it would take for the arch derailer to turn up. You'll not derail this thread while I and Sarge have a breath left in our bodies.

Could you wait around until I get this brick brig built please Pabs? Then I shall sentence you to a day or two of rerailment therapy.

If you want to make yourself useful while I sort the brig out, Sarge needs a hand with the 'middencakes' in the kitchen. Make sure you do a good job with them because that's your meals for the next few days.

Ooooh, that's me... Yes with our speSmurfpillst clinician, Dr Professor Fuzzbucket MD (as seen on tv).

[magentus]

I wondered how long it would take for the arch derailer to turn up. You'll not derail this thread while I and Sarge have a breath left in our bodies.

Could you wait around until I get this brick brig built please Pabs? Then I shall sentence you to a day or two of rerailment therapy.

If you want to make yourself useful while I sort the brig out, Sarge needs a hand with the 'middencakes' in the kitchen. Make sure you do a good job with them because that's your meals for the next few days.

Ooooh, that's me... Yes with our speSmurfpillst clinician, Dr Professor Fuzzbucket MD (as seen on tv).

We'll need to make you a new badge. How should we refer to you? Sergeant (sarge) Dr, or Dr Sergeant Fuzzbucket BA Hons BRa

[Don Pablo]

This is all very fancy sounding ...
What kinda bricks are you using ?

[G-Dizzle]

Hurry, someone derail this thread!

[Fuzzbucket]

I wondered how long it would take for the arch derailer to turn up. You'll not derail this thread while I and Sarge have a breath left in our bodies.

Could you wait around until I get this brick brig built please Pabs? Then I shall sentence you to a day or two of rerailment therapy.

If you want to make yourself useful while I sort the brig out, Sarge needs a hand with the 'middencakes' in the kitchen. Make sure you do a good job with them because that's your meals for the next few days.

Ooooh, that's me... Yes with our speSmurfpillst clinician, Dr Professor Fuzzbucket MD (as seen on tv).

We'll need to make you a new badge. How should we refer to you? Sergeant (sarge) Dr, or Dr Sergeant Fuzzbucket BA Hons BRa

I think keep the multiple personalities separate for now... a quick change of attire, maybe with the aid of velcro, whistle etc, should surfice for now. 

[Fuzzbucket]

Hurry, someone derail this thread!

Looks like we've got a bit of a funnyboy here Sarge!

[G-Dizzle]

Does anyone have any cake?

[Don Pablo]

Does anyone have any cake?

Begone, cake!

[magentus]

If it's cake you want, pop these cuffs on and we'll be serving middencakes fresh from Sarge's kitchen. You're Nicked Sonny. 

[magentus]

I wondered how long it would take for the arch derailer to turn up. You'll not derail this thread while I and Sarge have a breath left in our bodies.

Could you wait around until I get this brick brig built please Pabs? Then I shall sentence you to a day or two of rerailment therapy.

If you want to make yourself useful while I sort the brig out, Sarge needs a hand with the 'middencakes' in the kitchen. Make sure you do a good job with them because that's your meals for the next few days.

Ooooh, that's me... Yes with our speSmurfpillst clinician, Dr Professor Fuzzbucket MD (as seen on tv).

We'll need to make you a new badge. How should we refer to you? Sergeant (sarge) Dr, or Dr Sergeant Fuzzbucket BA Hons BRa

I think keep the multiple personalities separate for now... a quick change of attire, maybe with the aid of velcro, whistle etc, should surfice for now. 

Right you are Sarge 

[G-Dizzle]

If it's cake you want, pop these cuffs on and we'll be serving middencakes fresh from Sarge's kitchen. You're Nicked Sonny. 

You have a long flight to come get me

[Don Pablo]

If it's cake you want, pop these cuffs on and we'll be serving middencakes fresh from Sarge's kitchen. You're Nicked Sonny. 

You have a long flight to come get me

Mags and fuzzy have a police phone box! Don’t test them!

[G-Dizzle]

If it's cake you want, pop these cuffs on and we'll be serving middencakes fresh from Sarge's kitchen. You're Nicked Sonny. 

You have a long flight to come get me

Mags and fuzzy have a police phone box! Don’t test them!

[magentus]

If it's cake you want, pop these cuffs on and we'll be serving middencakes fresh from Sarge's kitchen. You're Nicked Sonny. 

You have a long flight to come get me

The arm of the Derailment Rerailment Reeducation Department is long and has a fist at the end of it. Think on, gdoolittle. Fuzzy and I won't rest (except for tea breaks, smoke breaks, a swift half down the local, the odd lie in every now and again, and regular naps) until we catch our miscreant.

[G-Dizzle]

If it's cake you want, pop these cuffs on and we'll be serving middencakes fresh from Sarge's kitchen. You're Nicked Sonny. 

You have a long flight to come get me

The arm of the Derailment Rerailment Reeducation Department is long and has a fist at the end of it. Think on, gdoolittle. Fuzzy and I won't rest (except for tea breaks, smoke breaks, a swift half down the local, the odd lie in every now and again, and regular naps) until we catch our miscreant.

Ill make you a deal. You find me, I’ll buy you a beer. But you’re still not taking me to MTO jail

[magentus]

If it's cake you want, pop these cuffs on and we'll be serving middencakes fresh from Sarge's kitchen. You're Nicked Sonny. 

You have a long flight to come get me

The arm of the Derailment Rerailment Reeducation Department is long and has a fist at the end of it. Think on, gdoolittle. Fuzzy and I won't rest (except for tea breaks, smoke breaks, a swift half down the local, the odd lie in every now and again, and regular naps) until we catch our miscreant.

Ill make you a deal. You find me, I’ll buy you a beer. But you’re still not taking me to MTO jail

We don't make deals in the DRRD. One day, when you're least suspecting it, we will pounce. See you in jail punk.

[G-Dizzle]

If it's cake you want, pop these cuffs on and we'll be serving middencakes fresh from Sarge's kitchen. You're Nicked Sonny. 

You have a long flight to come get me

The arm of the Derailment Rerailment Reeducation Department is long and has a fist at the end of it. Think on, gdoolittle. Fuzzy and I won't rest (except for tea breaks, smoke breaks, a swift half down the local, the odd lie in every now and again, and regular naps) until we catch our miscreant.

Ill make you a deal. You find me, I’ll buy you a beer. But you’re still not taking me to MTO jail

We don't make deals in the DRRD. One day, when you're least suspecting it, we will pounce. See you in jail punk.

[magentus]

Oh don't worry - there'll be plenty of grits getting kissed in jail. I bet your grits are real pretty.

[MMR]

I will gladly give a helping hand, anything I can do to contribute and/or help out the community...let me know. 

...I promise I will shut up about cake. 

[magentus]

Walkie Talkie noises fffcrrr Sarge? You there Sarge? Looks like we got ourselves another jack the lad here. Requesting backup and some big sticks. Also get Pabs to rustle up a few more middencakes - looks like it's gunna be a loooong night ffffffcrrt /i]

[Fuzzbucket]

I will gladly give a helping hand, anything I can do to contribute and/or help out the community...let me know. 

...I promise I will shut up about cake. 

Oooooooowwwwwhhhh... Wait a minute - hold the bus, if you were in a bakery themed thread, you'd be in serious danger of derailment if you refused to talk about and discuss cake. I think all you're talk about not talking cake is rather seditious! I think you're going to have to come with me... 

[Don Pablo]

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.