Pitching for a new TV Cop Show: Fags and Muzzy

[Fast Bill]

No no no... you've got it all wrong! I'm the good looking one with the tache. Fags is the one with the idiotic mullet!

Terribly sorry old chap, that's what they wrote on my order book. I'm just the props guy. Nobody ever fills me in - I've stopped worrying about this. Take it up with the director would you? Now would you sign for the bikes please? Right here, dotted line.................

No, no, no .... this isn't CHiPS .... the script says that the outfit for Muzzy matches the bike cop in Village people. I'm sorry can we get the right costume please ? WARDROBE ! NOW PLEASE !

[magentus]

I'll sign for my bike without any of the Hollywood fuss  that Fuzzy makes DT. 

The character I play (Fags 'Chernobel' Mandango) in the tv show used you be the police commissioner until he was framed by a drug lord and disgraced in a highly public, spectacular and heroic sex scandal. He was demoted to traffic cop and was about to end his life jumping from the Brooklyn bridge when he saw a kitten about to be run over. Using his expert traffic skills he saved the kitten and returned it to its distraught owner who was crying helplessly on the sidewalk (american pavement). That owner was Detective Muzzy 'Porkit' Mercury Who vowed there and then to restore his bbf to his rightful place and exonerate his reputation.

[Fast Bill]

I'll sign for my bike without any of the Hollywood fuss  that Fuzzy makes DT. 

The character I play (Fags 'Chernobel' Mandango) in the tv show used you be the police commissioner until he was framed by a drug lord and disgraced in a highly public, spectacular and heroic sex scandal. He was demoted to traffic cop and was about to end his life jumping from the Brooklyn bridge when he saw a kitten about to be run over. Using his expert traffic skills he saved the kitten and returned it to its distraught owner who was crying helplessly on the sidewalk (american pavement). That owner was Detective Muzzy 'Porkit' Mercury Who voted there and then to restore his bbf to his rightful place and exonerate his reputation.

Thank you Mags some sense at last. Honestly ...luvvies !! Now, given your submariners qualifications can we just run through your blocking for "In the Navy" as the end of show tune for the Pilot please?

EDIT: What's a "heroic" sex scandal ??!

[Dutch_Tooler]

I'm reliably informed that the saving of the kitten involved quick action using the hook on a green Huntsman to catch its collar, a near-parabolic trajectory, and a bowler hat - are we planning to recreate that scene? I'll see if I can find a hat. They're getting rare these days.

[Fuzzbucket]

I'll sign for my bike without any of the Hollywood fuss  that Fuzzy makes DT. 

The character I play (Fags 'Chernobel' Mandango) in the tv show used you be the police commissioner until he was framed by a drug lord and disgraced in a highly public, spectacular and heroic sex scandal. He was demoted to traffic cop and was about to end his life jumping from the Brooklyn bridge when he saw a kitten about to be run over. Using his expert traffic skills he saved the kitten and returned it to its distraught owner who was crying helplessly on the sidewalk (american pavement). That owner was Detective Muzzy 'Porkit' Mercury Who voted there and then to restore his bbf to his rightful place and exonerate his reputation.

sniff... That's so godamn beautiful!!!

[Fuzzbucket]

No no no... you've got it all wrong! I'm the good looking one with the tache. Fags is the one with the idiotic mullet!

Terribly sorry old chap, that's what they wrote on my order book. I'm just the props guy. Nobody ever fills me in - I've stopped worrying about this. Take it up with the director would you? Now would you sign for the bikes please? Right here, dotted line.................

No, no, no .... this isn't CHiPS .... the script says that the outfit for Muzzy matches the bike cop in Village people. I'm sorry can we get the right costume please ? WARDROBE ! NOW PLEASE !

Spot on! I've already got that costume too, so that'll free up some dosh.

[magentus]

My character is to classy to name names but believe me when I tell you it was heroic on a wwf wrestlers scale.

For the end of show number I was thinking that after the fight on the pier between us and the Belgian slave traffickers We would handcuff them all and Muzzy would offer to take a picture of the arrest. He keeps asking me to take a step backwards until, and this is hilarious, I fall into the bay.  Quick snap though I jump back up onto the pier wearing a sailors costume and launch into 'In the Navy' with the Belgians as the chorus line.  Thoughts?

[Fast Bill]

My character is to classy to name names but believe me when I tell you it was heroic on a wwf wrestlers scale.

For the end of show number I was thinking that after the fight on the pier between us and the Belgian slave traffickers We would handcuff them all and Muzzy would offer to take a picture of the arrest. He keeps asking me to take a step backwards until, and this is hilarious, I fall into the bay.  Quick snap though I jump back up onto the pier wearing a sailors costume and launch into 'In the Navy' with the Belgians as the chorus line.  Thoughts?

Oh that’s inspired Mags. Where do we find enough  Belgian extras?

[Don Pablo]

I'm close enough to Belgium, pick me!

[Fuzzbucket]

Well... I think that's good bye Emmy...

[Fuzzbucket]

... and... Hello Oscars - here we come! Brilliant!!!

[Fast Bill]

I'm close enough to Belgium, pick me!

Ok Pabs, do you like chips and mayo?

[Don Pablo]

I'm close enough to Belgium, pick me!

Ok Pabs, do you like chips and mayo?

.....
How about carrot and mayo?

[magentus]

I'm close enough to Belgium, pick me!

Ok Pabs, do you like chips and mayo?

.....
How about carrot and mayo?

Or carrot and County Mayo?

[Don Pablo]

I'm close enough to Belgium, pick me!

Ok Pabs, do you like chips and mayo?

.....
How about carrot and mayo?

Or carrot and County Mayo?

I don’t think they grow carrots there. 

[lister]

I hereby declare this forum to be off its collective rocker. 

 

Ps: I am quite sure that I did it before, but you guys just don't learn! 

[magentus]

I hereby declare this forum to be off its collective rocker. 

 

Ps: I am quite sure that I did it before, but you guys just don't learn! 

I think we have our cynical, gruff but warm hearted, desk banging police chief!

Lister can we run through the scene where you demand Fags and Muzzy's badges because you're taking us off the case because we're 'too close'. You'll have to be good at this because there's the same scene in every episode.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd ACTION!

[lister]

I hereby declare this forum to be off its collective rocker. 

 

Ps: I am quite sure that I did it before, but you guys just don't learn! 

I think we have our cynical, gruff but warm hearted, desk banging police chief!

Lister can we run through the scene where you demand Fags and Muzzy's badges because you're taking us off the case because we're 'too close'. You'll have to be good at this because there's the same scene in every episode.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd ACTION!

Ok, but I get to wear one of those huge old school glasses that have an actual thick glass for the lenses.

Also, I want my character to smoke a pipe. Make that the pipe. The pipe to end all pipes. And by pipe I mean an actual implement for consumption of tobacco via combustion.   

 

[magentus]

I hereby declare this forum to be off its collective rocker. 

 

Ps: I am quite sure that I did it before, but you guys just don't learn! 

I think we have our cynical, gruff but warm hearted, desk banging police chief!

Lister can we run through the scene where you demand Fags and Muzzy's badges because you're taking us off the case because we're 'too close'. You'll have to be good at this because there's the same scene in every episode.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd ACTION!

Ok, but I get to wear one of those huge old school glasses that have an actual thick glass for the lenses.

Also, I want my character to smoke a pipe. 

 

Obviously you'll have to speak to the director and wardrobe about that and how much sway you have over your character depends on your celebrity standing. But you've clearly thought this through and I look forward to working with you.

[lister]

I hereby declare this forum to be off its collective rocker. 

 

Ps: I am quite sure that I did it before, but you guys just don't learn! 

I think we have our cynical, gruff but warm hearted, desk banging police chief!

Lister can we run through the scene where you demand Fags and Muzzy's badges because you're taking us off the case because we're 'too close'. You'll have to be good at this because there's the same scene in every episode.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd ACTION!

Ok, but I get to wear one of those huge old school glasses that have an actual thick glass for the lenses.

Also, I want my character to smoke a pipe. 

 

Obviously you'll have to speak to the director and wardrobe about that and how much sway you have over your character depends on your celebrity standing. But you've clearly thought this through and I look forward to working with you.

I did and they told me: "Fine, but you must wear a red fedora and bring your own damn pipe".  So a bit of product placement there but otherwise  .

[ReamerPunch]

Will there be multi-tools and SAKs in this show?

[Don Pablo]

Will there be multi-tools and SAKs in this show?

Knock offs, lots of them! 

[Fuzzbucket]

Will there be multi-tools and SAKs in this show?

Well... there's plenty of tools!... fnar fnar...

[Fuzzbucket]

I hereby declare this forum to be off its collective rocker. 

 

Ps: I am quite sure that I did it before, but you guys just don't learn! 

I think we have our cynical, gruff but warm hearted, desk banging police chief!

Lister can we run through the scene where you demand Fags and Muzzy's badges because you're taking us off the case because we're 'too close'. You'll have to be good at this because there's the same scene in every episode.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd ACTION!

Ok, but I get to wear one of those huge old school glasses that have an actual thick glass for the lenses.

Also, I want my character to smoke a pipe. Make that the pipe. The pipe to end all pipes. And by pipe I mean an actual implement for consumption of tobacco via combustion.   

 

Cor, he's good in'he Mags?! Propah pro! (nods head with approval)...

[Yadda]

I don’t like this, it sounds like I’ll only be on two or three episodes out of 3 seasons.

If costuming brings you a red body suit don't wear it on away trips! 

[magentus]

I hereby declare this forum to be off its collective rocker. 

 

Ps: I am quite sure that I did it before, but you guys just don't learn! 

I think we have our cynical, gruff but warm hearted, desk banging police chief!

Lister can we run through the scene where you demand Fags and Muzzy's badges because you're taking us off the case because we're 'too close'. You'll have to be good at this because there's the same scene in every episode.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd ACTION!

Ok, but I get to wear one of those huge old school glasses that have an actual thick glass for the lenses.

Also, I want my character to smoke a pipe. Make that the pipe. The pipe to end all pipes. And by pipe I mean an actual implement for consumption of tobacco via combustion.   

 

Cor, he's good in'he Mags?! Propah pro! (nods head with approval)...

A Real life Method Actor. You don't see many of them anymore, not since Corvac Dumpling launched himself into space for real to gain true life astronaut experience. Got up there fine, never came back again. Makes you think eh? Prolly still up there somewhere trying to radio Houston on his CB and pooing in his suit.

[Ron Who]

I´d like to show you guys Dr. Who´s laboratory and the new FrankenDevice (thanks Techy), but then again this is a family friendly forum. I wonder if the show will get a triple X rating.

PS about the murders. In case your wondering Whodunnit, it wasn´t me. I´m on the good side, and only a little bit corrupt. The meth cooker in the lab is for personal use.

[magentus]

You're a brilliant doctor with a shady past.  Great scope for long term story arc 

[Ron Who]

Well I have some Police Officers in my family, one of them very high up. They would like to keep my past as shady as possible.

There are some chefs in my family too. I share their love of cooking but my chemistry know how and some creativity allow me to do nice things with fireworks and other explosives, not to mention designer drugs and untraceable poisons.

Then at some point in time, I got a few new friends. The bad kind...

[Fast Bill]

I hereby declare this forum to be off its collective rocker. 

 

Ps: I am quite sure that I did it before, but you guys just don't learn! 

I think we have our cynical, gruff but warm hearted, desk banging police chief!

Lister can we run through the scene where you demand Fags and Muzzy's badges because you're taking us off the case because we're 'too close'. You'll have to be good at this because there's the same scene in every episode.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd ACTION!

Ok, but I get to wear one of those huge old school glasses that have an actual thick glass for the lenses.

Also, I want my character to smoke a pipe. Make that the pipe. The pipe to end all pipes. And by pipe I mean an actual implement for consumption of tobacco via combustion.   

 

Cor, he's good in'he Mags?! Propah pro! (nods head with approval)...

It's so refreshing not to have rank amateurs trying to upstage your artistes.

Just so I'm clear Listy Old Chap did you want a particular wood for the pipe ?