Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
+-

Hello Lurker! Remove this ad and much more by logging in.


Tools explained 507

Head Turd Polisher Administrator He Who Has The Most Nuts, Wins! Posts: 60,450 Optimum instrumentum est inter aures
Tools explained
« on: October 29, 2018, 03:11:06 PM »
TOOLS EXPLAINED

DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'

SKILL SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Micrometer- expensive C clamp designed to show you down to a ten thousandth of an inch how bad you f**ked up

Adjustable wrench - non-parallel jaws guaranteed to be just slightly larger or smaller than whatever fastener you're trying to use it on

MAGNET: A tool used to pick up all the shavings, rust, and welding slag while you're looking for the parts you lost

Welder- A machine used to repair small holes in completely saveable projects but often times Makes the hole much much larger until there is no saving it. Sometimes in very skilled hands it can be used to firmly and permanently attach your project to your welding bench.

MAINTENANCE MAN
A guy who fixes stuff that is working and keeps on fixing it until it doesn't work anymore

SCREW EXTRACTOR : A tool used to break off a hardened piece of metal into a stripped bolt head, ensuring the bolt can never be removed, and turning the object efficiently into scrap.

Son of a bitch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

It's important to know your tools before you start!

Def



Absolutely No Life Club Posts: 5,730 Man of Multiple MultiTool Manufacturers
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2018, 03:29:33 PM »
 :rofl:
Thanks for posting that, Def!

Main collections: SOG, Gerber, Leatherman, Victorinox. Also lots of cheap & cheerful tools.
Global Moderator Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here... Posts: 48,940
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2018, 03:51:58 PM »
 :rofl:

 :like:
No Life Club Posts: 1,713
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2018, 04:02:04 PM »
Great explanation :hatsoff:

Sent fra min FRD-L09 via Tapatalk

Zombie Apprentice Posts: 14,104 Firm believer of Sturgeon's Law
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2018, 04:23:55 PM »
 :clap: :rofl:

soooo true :hatsoff:

My toys:

MTs: Surge (2x), Skeletool CX, Rebar, Blast, Fuse, Micra, Squirt (3x), Wave, Crunch, Mini, Spirit (2x), Pro Scout, MP700 (2x), Diesel, Powerlock, PowerPlier (2x), PocketPowerPlier, Blacktip , ST6 (2x), 5WR, A100

SAKs: Bantam, Executive, Ambassador, Minichamp, Classic Alox, Champion, Farmer, Explorer, Swisschamp, Golf Tool, Wenger Champ, EVO 52, Pocket Tool Chest
Zombie Apprentice Posts: 15,936 I'm not a pessimist, I'm an experienced optimist!
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2018, 04:55:41 PM »
I can't argue with any of those  :D



The cantankerous but occasionally useful member, formally known as 50ft-trad
Absolutely No Life Club Posts: 7,125 Smurf smash!
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2018, 08:34:11 PM »
 :rofl:

Still as funny as it was first posted in circa 2007  :cheers:

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams

Completely Random Smurf with Aleph

Missing pics because of Smurfbucket? Check out Aleph's Pic Repost Thread - Smurf Off Smurfbucket
Head Turd Polisher Administrator He Who Has The Most Nuts, Wins! Posts: 60,450 Optimum instrumentum est inter aures
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2018, 10:14:07 PM »
:rofl:

Still as funny as it was first posted in circa 2007  :cheers:

I'm pretty certain I have posted similar ones before, but as we have this fancy new forum I figured it was worth posting again!

Def

Absolutely No Life Club Posts: 7,125 Smurf smash!
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #8 on: October 30, 2018, 11:22:08 AM »
:rofl:

Still as funny as it was first posted in circa 2007  :cheers:

I'm pretty certain I have posted similar ones before, but as we have this fancy new forum I figured it was worth posting again!

Def

Definitely! :cheers:

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools." - Douglas Adams

Completely Random Smurf with Aleph

Missing pics because of Smurfbucket? Check out Aleph's Pic Repost Thread - Smurf Off Smurfbucket
Zombie Apprentice Posts: 17,752 Oxygen and magnesium toghether?! OMg!
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #9 on: October 30, 2018, 01:33:26 PM »
:rofl:

Still as funny as it was first posted in circa 2007  :cheers:

I'm pretty certain I have posted similar ones before, but as we have this fancy new forum I figured it was worth posting again!

Def

Definitely! :cheers:

Awlso, I believe this was your 60k post! Nice way to mark it!

 :cheers: :drink: :tu: :salute:

________________________________
It is just a matter of time before they add the word “Syndrome” after my last name.

I don't have OCD, I have OCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

Eff the ineffable, scrut the inscrutable.

IYCRTYSWTMTFOT

Head Turd Polisher Administrator He Who Has The Most Nuts, Wins! Posts: 60,450 Optimum instrumentum est inter aures
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #10 on: October 30, 2018, 04:47:13 PM »
Wow, 60,000 nearly pointless posts!

Good thing there are a lot of you here to keep me amused!   :pok:

Def

Zombie Apprentice Posts: 14,104 Firm believer of Sturgeon's Law
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #11 on: October 30, 2018, 05:39:38 PM »
Wow, 60,000 nearly pointless posts!

Good thing there are a lot of you here to keep me amused!   :pok:

Def

60K! :ahhh :hatsoff:


My toys:

MTs: Surge (2x), Skeletool CX, Rebar, Blast, Fuse, Micra, Squirt (3x), Wave, Crunch, Mini, Spirit (2x), Pro Scout, MP700 (2x), Diesel, Powerlock, PowerPlier (2x), PocketPowerPlier, Blacktip , ST6 (2x), 5WR, A100

SAKs: Bantam, Executive, Ambassador, Minichamp, Classic Alox, Champion, Farmer, Explorer, Swisschamp, Golf Tool, Wenger Champ, EVO 52, Pocket Tool Chest
Absolutely No Life Club Posts: 5,403 motionless wheel, nothing is real
Re: Tools explained
« Reply #12 on: November 24, 2018, 10:42:49 PM »
lol, awesome post.  :rofl:

I'm not really here, I forgot to log out. 🤷🏼‍♂️

 

Operational Funds

Operational Funds

Keep the Unworkable working!
Donate with PayPal!
January Goal: $275.00
Due Date: Jan 31
Total Receipts: $158.19
PayPal Fees: $10.16
Net Balance: $148.03
Below Goal: $126.97
Site Currency: USD
54% 
January Donations

Community Links


Powered by EzPortal
© 2018 Defender Web & Tool