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EBay seller FAQ 203

Head Turd Polisher Administrator Just Bananas Posts: 61,325 Optimum instrumentum est inter aures
EBay seller FAQ
« on: June 12, 2019, 03:10:07 PM »
I was looking at something on eBay and I came across this guy's FAQ written out in the description.   Having sold a bit on eBay myself, I totally get why he would put it front and center!

Quote

Frequently asked questions

How are you?
About the same, thanks for asking.

So what's included in your listing?
Everything you see in the pictures and nothing you don't.

Anything else?
I'll throw in a box.

Oh, a smart guy, eh?
In case that's not rhetorical: I'm no expert, and I'm certainly not smart enough to know about everything that passes my way. I do my best to evaluate the things I sell, but often defer to the superior knowledge of the prospective buyer.

Will you ever learn?
Probably not.

What’s with your hair?
Um…wait, what?

What if the item I buy from you doesn't work?
You have 30 days from receipt to return it for a refund if it doesn't do as I describe.

What if I don't like the color?
Then you have 14 days.

If I tell you how crappy and obsolete your item is in a condescending enough tone, will you do me the favor of selling it to me for a fraction of your asking price?
You sure know how to butter a guy up. No.

I didn’t bother to read your description. Can you fill me in on the details?
Sure. Send a stamped self-addressed envelope to: mehoff58, c/o eBay, Internet.

Can I pick up my winnings in person?
I don't know you well enough to know your capabilities.

OK, may I?
Certainly!

I need your item, so lower your price.
Not really a question. Nope, not a question at all.

I bought this gadget from you 5 months ago and just found out it doesn’t work. Will you refund my money?
30 days is my limit. I can’t afford to keep large stores of cash handy for long warranties on used equipment. Besides, I don’t know how you stored it or handled it or if it was damaged in shipping. Anyway, no.

Did I forget anything?
What am I, a mind reader?

Will you discuss these imaginary conversations with your psychiatrist?
The conversations are quite real, it's you who are imaginary.

You just blew my mind.
Who said that?

The best way to keep your sanity sometimes is to never have had any to begin with!  :D

Def

Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.
Global Moderator Point Of No Return Posts: 37,839
Re: EBay seller FAQ
« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2019, 03:15:22 PM »
What was he selling and did you buy it?
No Life Club Posts: 1,272
Re: EBay seller FAQ
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2019, 03:17:37 PM »
The best way to keep your sanity sometimes is to never have had any to begin with!  :D

I guess that is an example of what too much Ebaying (?!) will lead to...

Great preemptive list though - even with the tone of someone very tired of all the chaff and BS. (Is chaff a real word?  :think:


"If only simple wasn't so hard" - me
(Partial disclosure: I design tools for a living).
Global Moderator Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here... Posts: 41,041
Re: EBay seller FAQ
« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2019, 03:46:17 PM »
Good one   :D
Global Moderator Zombie Apprentice Posts: 19,173
Re: EBay seller FAQ
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2019, 03:51:39 PM »
Good post Vidar.  I appreciate the preamble.   

Esse Quam Videri
Head Turd Polisher Administrator Just Bananas Posts: 61,325 Optimum instrumentum est inter aures
Re: EBay seller FAQ
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2019, 04:42:12 PM »
What was he selling and did you buy it?

Expired, mishandled prepreg carbon fiber rolls, and no.  It was a bit pricey and I'm not interested in spending money on something that may be absolutely worthless.

Def

Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.
No Life Club Posts: 1,638
Re: EBay seller FAQ
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2019, 04:48:34 PM »
A guy who sells Jeep parts out of Maine has that type of humor built into the FAQ on his website. I'll see if I can find it
No Life Club Posts: 1,638
Re: EBay seller FAQ
« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2019, 05:07:42 PM »
My mistake. This was under the Driving Directions tab of his website...

Driving Direction #1...  Turn your directional on BEFORE you apply the brake to slow for the turn.

Driving Direction #2...  If you pass another vehicle CONTINUE to drive faster than that vehicle.

Driving Direction #3...  Your high beams will NOT improve oncoming drivers vision at night.

Driving Direction #4...  A STOP is defined as: Wheels CEASE to continue rolling.

Driving Direction #8...  Turn your wipers OFF when the rain stops.

Driving Direction #19...  Hang up and drive.

Driving Direction #23...  Applying make-up while driving does not improve your driving skill.

Driving Direction #28...  Pull ALL the way forward, and the light WILL turn green.

Driving Direction #34...  Accelerate to the speed limit, or take back road.

Driving Direction #49...  Center turn lane is NOT used for passing.

Driving Direction #57...  Have you ever checked your lights?

Driving Direction #63...  If you are going to move large items use a truck.

Driving Direction #75...  Shift your car to park to remove key.

Driving Direction #83...  Trailers are supposed to have working lights.

 

Driving Direction #84...  Yes, the trailer brakes are supposed to also.

Driving Direction #96...  Green lights do NOT mean finish texting then go.

Driving Direction #97...  Yellow lights mean TRY to stop.

Driving Direction #104...  Read the paper from a PASSENGER seat.
 
Driving Direction #117...  Wipers are NOT called snow shovels for a reason.

Driving Direction #121...  The toll booth is NOT the info center.

Driving Direction #136...  Do not get mad at others when YOU drive like an ASS.

Driving Direction #148...  4WD will NOT improve your stopping ability in winter weather.

Driving Direction #157...  Do NOT swerve out of your travel lane to avoid a squirrel.

Driving Direction #165...  When parking on a steep downhill turn your tires TOWARDS the curb.

Driving Direction #172...  An unusual vehicle noise is your vehicle saying "FIX ME".

Driving Direction #173...  Turning up your radio is not a fix.

Driving Direction #188...  DO NOT park in a travel lane for any reason.

Driving Direction #192...  A police car parked sideways with lights on means, ROAD CLOSED.

Driving Direction #193...  Road closed means, TURN AROUND and find alternate route.

 Driving Direction #204...  Cones across the road also means, ROAD CLOSED.

Driving Direction #217...  Know the identity of your car. (year, make, and model)

Driving Direction #218...  Knowing your car is Red does not identify your car.

Driving Direction #228...  In a blizzard STAY HOME.

Driving Direction #234...  Only drive across a flooded road if you have a death wish.

Driving Direction #235...  Exception to #234 if your in a boat you can cross a flooded road.

Driving Direction #242...  If you are transporting something on the roof secure it properly.

 

Driving Direction #259...  Never text and drive!

Driving Direction #264...  Do not stop in the EZ pass only lane.

 

Driving Direction #275...  Never ride passenger in a vehicle driven by Ole.


Driving Direction #419...  When turning right in a 55 feel free to use the shoulder to slow down. 

Driving Direction #436...  E on the gas gauge does not mean Enough.

Driving Direction #710...  Yes you should check the 7l0. (It's under the hood)

Head Turd Polisher Administrator Just Bananas Posts: 61,325 Optimum instrumentum est inter aures
Re: EBay seller FAQ
« Reply #8 on: June 12, 2019, 06:07:11 PM »
I need to change my 710 this week.... thanks for the reminder!

Def

Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.

 

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