What makes you laugh? comics-jokes-etc----keep it clean please

pfrsantos · **Reply #630 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:18:37 PM

I'm taking part in a stair climbing competition. I need to step up my game.

pfrsantos · **Reply #631 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:19:10 PM

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

pfrsantos · **Reply #632 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:20:03 PM

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

pfrsantos · **Reply #633 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:30:19 PM

I used to build stairs for a living. Business was up and down.

pfrsantos · **Reply #634 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:30:41 PM

I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.

pfrsantos · **Reply #635 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:31:14 PM

Just received a card full of rice. It’s from Uncle Ben.

pfrsantos · **Reply #636 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:31:32 PM

Local man killed by falling piano. It will be a low key funeral.

pfrsantos · **Reply #637 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:32:02 PM

I once had a teacher with a lazy eye. She couldn’t control her pupils.

pfrsantos · **Reply #638 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:33:17 PM

I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.

pfrsantos · **Reply #639 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:33:35 PM

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!

pfrsantos · **Reply #640 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:33:57 PM

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

pfrsantos · **Reply #641 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:34:19 PM

I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to, when you hit them.

pfrsantos · **Reply #642 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:34:45 PM

As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.

pfrsantos · **Reply #643 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:35:12 PM

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: "This could be interesting"

pfrsantos · **Reply #644 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:35:30 PM

I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending.

pfrsantos · **Reply #645 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:35:58 PM

I've given up asking rethorical questions. What's the point?

pfrsantos · **Reply #646 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:36:41 PM

I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her.

pfrsantos · **Reply #647 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:37:05 PM

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated.

pfrsantos · **Reply #648 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:37:37 PM

I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it...

pfrsantos · **Reply #649 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:38:00 PM

I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house.

pfrsantos · **Reply #650 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:38:31 PM

Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!'

pfrsantos · **Reply #651 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:39:16 PM

As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.

pfrsantos · **Reply #652 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:39:44 PM

I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark.

pfrsantos · **Reply #653 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:40:15 PM

Why is it old people say ‘there’s no place like home’, yet when you put them in one…

pfrsantos · **Reply #654 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:40:58 PM

I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10.

pfrsantos · **Reply #655 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:44:36 PM

I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came in second.

pfrsantos · **Reply #656 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:45:03 PM

I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words.

pfrsantos · **Reply #657 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:45:46 PM

Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?

pfrsantos · **Reply #658 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:46:17 PM

If you’re being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.

pfrsantos · **Reply #659 on:** September 25, 2019, 05:47:19 PM

What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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What makes you laugh? comics-jokes-etc----keep it clean please

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