Who said that? Who the smurf said that? Who's the slimy little communist smurf twinkle-toed smurflicker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The fairy smurfing godmother said it! Out-smurfing-standing! I will P.T. you all until you smurfing die! I'll P.T. you until your smurfholes are sucking buttermilk.
Show content
I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your Senior Drill Instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir!" Do you maggots understand that?
Sir, yes, sir!
Bullsmurf! I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair.
Sir, yes, sir!
If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training... you will be a weapon, you will be a minister of death, praying for war. But until that day you are pukes! You're the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human smurfing beings! You are nothing but unorganized grabasstic pieces of amphibian smurf! Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard, but I am fair! There is no racial bigotry here! I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless! And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps! Do you maggots understand that?
Sir, yes, sir!
Bullsmurf! I can't hear you!
Sir, yes, sir!
What's your name, scumbag?
Sir, Private Brown, sir!
Bullsmurf! From now on you're Private Snowball! Do you like that name?
Sir, yes, sir!
Well, there's one thing that you won't like, Private Snowball! They don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall!
Sir, yes, sir!
Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
Who said that? Who the smurf said that? Who's the slimy little communist smurf twinkle-toed smurflicker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The fairy smurfing godmother said it! Out-smurfing-standing! I will P.T. you all until you smurfing die! I'll P.T. you until your smurfholes are sucking buttermilk.
Was it you, you scroungy little smurf, huh?!
Sir, no, sir!
You little piece of smurf! You look like a smurfing worm! I'll bet it was you!
Sir, no, sir!
Sir, I said it, sir!
Well... no smurf. What have we got here, a smurfing comedian? Private Joker? I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and smurf my sister.
You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you. Now get up! Get on your feet! You had best unsmurf yourself or I will unscrew your head and smurf down your neck!
Sir, yes, sir!
Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps?
Sir, to kill, sir!
So you're a killer!
Sir, yes, sir!
Let me see your war face!
Sir?
You've got a war face? Aaaaaaaagh! That's a war face. Now let me see your war face!
Aaaaaaaagh!
Bullsmurf! You didn't convince me! Let me see your real war face!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
You didn't scare me! Work on it!
Sir, yes, sir!
What's your excuse?
Sir, excuse for what, sir?
I'm asking the smurfing questions here, Private. Do you understand?!
Sir, yes, sir!
Well thank you very much! Can I be in charge for a while?
Sir, yes, sir!
Are you shook up? Are you nervous?
Sir, I am, sir!
Do I make you nervous?
Sir!
Sir, what? Were you about to call me an smurfhole?!
Sir, no, sir!
How tall are you, Private?
Sir, five foot nine, sir!
Five foot nine? I didn't know they stacked smurf that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?
Sir, no, sir.
Bullsmurf! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you've been cheated!
Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?
Sir, Texas, sir!
Holy dogsmurf! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down! Do you suck dicks!
Sir, no, sir!
Are you a peter-puffer?
Sir, no, sir!
I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would smurf a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be watching you!
Did your parents have any children that lived?
Sir, yes, sir!
I'll bet they regret that! You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece! What's your name, fatbody?
Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir!
Lawrence? Lawrence, what, of Arabia?
Sir, no, sir!
That name sounds like royalty! Are you royalty?
Sir, no, sir!
Do you suck dicks?
Sir, no, sir!
Bullsmurf! I'll bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!
Sir, no, sir!
I don't like the name Lawrence! Only smurfs and sailors are called Lawrence! From now on you're Gomer Pyle!
Sir, yes, sir!
Do you think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?
Sir, no, sir!
Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face!
Sir, yes, sir!
Well, any smurfing time, sweetheart!
Sir, I'm trying, sir.
Private Pyle, I'm gonna give you three seconds--exactly three smurfing seconds--to wipe that stupid-looking grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-smurf you! One! Two! Three!
Sir, I can't help it, sir!
Bullsmurf! Get on your knees, scumbag!
Now choke yourself!
Goddamn it, with my hand, numbnuts!!
Don't pull my smurfing hand over there! I said choke yourself! Now lean forward and choke yourself!
Are you through grinning?
Sir, yes, sir!
Bullsmurf! I can't hear you!
Sir, yes, sir!
Bullsmurf! I still can't hear you! Sound off like you got a pair!
Sir, yes, sir!
That's enough! Get on your feet!
Private Pyle, you had best square your ass away and start smurfting me Tiffany cuff links... or I will definitely smurf you up!
Sir, yes, sir!