I love George Carlin. Once he was the rudest comic to ever perform, then he was the conductor on a kid's show called Shining Time Station. That's kind of like taking your kid to the Big Bad Wolf's Day Care Center. But then, I am not going to win Father of the Year, so what do I know? Anyways, despite the extreme rudeness, there was always a substance to his comedy, and usually pretty insightful. Anyways, here's a few copied from his book called "Brain Droppings." Enjoy- I know I did!
"Its neither here nor there." Well, folks, its gotta be somewhere. I certaily don't have it.
If a really stupid person becomes senile, how can you tell?
Why do they put a suicide watch on certain death row prisoners? Why would you care if a man you're planning to kill kills himself? Does it spoil the fun? I also think about the death row prisoner in Texas who, on the day before his execution, managed to take a drug overdose. They rushed him to a hospital, saved his life, then brought him back to prison and killed him. Apparently, just to piss him off.
I'm sixty, and I don't need child-resistant caps on my medicine bottles. They say, "Well, someone with children might come and ivsit you." smurf 'em! Let 'em take their chances. Anyone who visits me is accepting a certain level of risk in the first place.
What clinic did Betty Ford go to?
I'd like to live in a country where the official motto was, "You never know." It would help me relax.
"Blow your nose" is an interesting phrase. Because you don't really *blow* your nose, you blow out through your nose. If you blew your nose, I think they'd put you away. You might get someone else to blow your nose, but he would have to be a really close friend. Or completely drunk.
Grown-ups have great power. They can order candy on credit over the telephone and have it delivered. Wow.
It has become very easy to buy a gun. It used to be, "I have a gun, give me some money." Now it's, "I have money, give me a gun."
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws and criminals will have guns. Well, smurf, those are precisely the people who need them.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
What year did Jesus think it was?
Life is a near-death experience.
I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: "People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung." And "Warning! Alcohol will turn you into the same smurfhole your father was."
The status quo always sucks
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