30 Day Coghlan's Army Knife Challenge: The Dark Finale!I'm going to approximate Lynn LeFey's OP format, only with pictures, because why not?
Overview
This was one looooooooooooooong month. The tools I ended up testing regularly were the blade, saw, scissors, slot screwdriver/caplifter, can opener, Phillips driver, awl, file, and corkscrew. Because many nearly identical products from other companies don't include them, I didn't feel it fair to judge the tweezer and toothpick (which I replaced with Victorinox ones anyway). I barely even looked at the fish scaler, because bwa ha ha ha ha. I`ll touch on the scales a little, because while similar cheapos might not have the same ones, I am looking at the Coghlan`s model, which does.
The tool cost $6 at Wholesale Sports, which, despite the name, does not sell things wholesale.
Tool review
Remember, before I delve too deeply here, that I had to peen every one of the tool's pins before I started the challenge. One side had been left completely unpeened at the factory, and Coghlan would have fallen apart in a matter of minutes given the kind of crap I put it through. I didn't have to peen it a second time, so that was nice.
The
blade came surprisingly sharp right out of the package. This means little, really, since
edge retention is where it's
at. It turns out, though, that Coghlan held an edge far better than I had ever expected. I only had to sharpen it four times, two of which were in the middle of slicing up terrible, gritty, thickly-underlaid carpet on a construction site. My Wenger Evo s18 and Victorinox Forester both held their edge through the carpet, but Coghlan really impressed me. For the usual food prep and sundry chores, the Coghlan's blade was more than adequate.
Success!
Lynn LeFey was shooting for the moon when she tried to cut through oak with the
saw. Mine couldn't cut it's way through a single 3"-wide strip of 3/4" spruce plywood. It can handle minor drywall chores, but so can a reasonably sharpened burrito. This is a big deal for me, since I use the wood saw all the time (I really noticed it this month, since it was as good as not even there). Couglan's should replace the saw with a miniature dachshund, which would both cut better and make for an interesting conversation starter at parties.
Abject Failure!
The
fish scaler is hilarious.
Hilarious!
The
scissors started off OK, with successful forays into fingernail cutting and zip-tie clipping. Unfortunately, they developed just enough of a pivot wobble to make cutting paper or fine string difficult, and dulled from use almost exclusively on finger and toe nails to make them sub-par for cutting finger and toe nails. If you intend to sharpen and re-peen them once a month or so, they might work out. Otherwise narp.
Bittersweet failure!
The
slot screwdriver/caplifter is one of the champion tools on this bad boy. It turns screws (wow!) and opens bottles (gosh!) without serious trouble. It uglied up in a hurry when I used it as a scraping tool, and after a month of light-to-medium prying chores it doesn't sit in the knife 100% straight anymore, but it still opens and closes, and it still does its job. I have no illusions about the level of abuse I heap on my poor caplifters (that's why I bought a Forester for construction gigs), but this one went above and beyond.
Sweet Juicy Victory!
The
can opener is pretty average. It opens cans. It hasn't given me any trouble in that regard (I eat a lot of canned lunches). It would be nice if it was sharper, so it could do time as a clamshell opener, but that's really not a quality issue.
Victorious, but that's kind of like climbing the tallest mountain in Holland.
The Phillips driver did very, very well. This is partly because it's not a particularly wimpy design for a backside driver, and partly because of the peening its pin got on
Day 0. It kept up with hinge screw, deck screws, drywall screws, and any other tough, horrible duties I threw at it. It quite literally saved my skiing holiday.
Surprising Success!
The
awl poked holes, and reamed them a little if they were in soft enough material. Victorinox awls ream like bats out of hell, and Wenger ones have the can opener blade for reaming out the hole afterwards, but Coghlan was limited to punching, punching, punching, like Multitool Chuck Norris.
Limited Success.The
file does the fingernailin' trick. If you pretty much only use if for grooming (I do), it's acceptable.
Fingernail Win!The
heavy sewing needle never saw the light of day. Not one single time. I used the sewing eye on a Victorinox awl once, I think. Anyway, as a separate tool, I'm afraid the heavy sewing needle is a heavy sewing failure.
Useless Fail!The
corkscrew had me worried, but then I did something breathtakingly stupid; I attempted to pull several nails out of a 2x6-framed stud wall. With a corkscrew. I don't remember falling on my head that morning, but obviously something was wrong with my brain. To my eternal amazement, however, after threading the corkscrew sideways onto the nails, the leverage the tool gave me was enough to slowly wiggle the nails out. It also opened one bottle of wine. It wasn't good wine. It still seems flimsy to me, but I think I have to call this a win.
Call This a Win!The
scales are all kinds of chipped and ugly. I'll bet this knife longs for the days when it was just homely, instead of looking like five miles of bad road. I accidentally destroyed the
split ring while I was replacing it with a brass-coloured one (to match my lighter and space pen...hey, stop laughing!) When
closed, the can opener, slot screwdriver, and scissors have always been a bit off-centre. Sometimes they hang up on other tools instead of closing. This has become increasingly noticeable as the tool has been more abused. Therefore,
Fit and Finish gets a big fat F.
F! (Big and Fat Type!)
TakeawayI'm going to admit to two things.
The first is that if a single tool on a multitool doesn't work or has no conceivable use, I usually pick another multitool. A fish scaler? Please. More importantly, the scissors are a minor dealbreaker, and the saw is a
huge dealbreaker. The fact that neither of these tools will work well in the long run gives me pause.
The second is that I beat the stuffing out of my multitools. Every pocket knife I carry is a user, and I treat them accordingly. My Victorinox Outrider went through a year of abuse (including, in one emergency, a quick stint as a hammer) with nothing but scratched blades (and an interestingly scratched set of backsprings and liners). My Victorinox Huntsman made it through two years of this garbage, without ill effect (apart from nicely scratched tools) until I lost it. My Victorinox Ranger toughed it through two years with similar lack of damage until I started teaching more and wanted a slimmer carry. My Wenger Evo s18 went through about three months, and the only damage it has is a worn-off Scouts Canada logo. I imagine that Wenger will last me a long time. But Coghlan, sweet Coghlan, is limping after a month.
So what does all this mean?A Coghlan 11-Function Army Knife is not a serious, permanent replacement for a higher-quality multitool. In the short-term, however, you can depend on its most basic functions (knife, can opener, screwdrivers, punch) to get you out of a surprising array of scrapes. The most basic Coghlan's model, which comes without the saw or scissors, could be made to last a good long while in a pinch.
The fact is that I expected to trash this knife in a day. Maybe, at the absolute most, I gave it a week. Here I am, however, a month later, with a functional basic tool in my hands. With a little preventative maintenance, even a $6 cheap tool like this can meet the most basic of EDC needs for a month. Coghlan has earned its place on the Shelf of Honour. Cue the heroic ballads, for we are leaving the hallowed
Age of Coghlan!
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