Some of my favorite sayings

jerseydevil · **Reply #30 on:** April 05, 2016, 05:31:28 PM

Quote from: pfrsantos on April 05, 2016, 12:11:16 PM

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You gotta love Groucho.

pfrsantos · **Reply #31 on:** April 05, 2016, 06:47:31 PM

Quote from: jerseydevil on April 05, 2016, 05:31:28 PM

Quote from: pfrsantos on April 05, 2016, 12:11:16 PM
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You gotta love Groucho.

You bet your life!

styx · **Reply #32 on:** April 05, 2016, 07:17:39 PM

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

No guts no glory, no balls no story

Always do things sober that you said drunk. It will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Never miss a chance to shut up (I should follow this a bit more)

pfrsantos · **Reply #33 on:** April 05, 2016, 07:57:15 PM

It ain't no use putting up your umbrella until it rains.

If you trip and don't fall, you take a bigger step.

Only a fool argues with a drunk, a mule or a cook.

A great one, from Penny (The Big Bang Theory) to Sheldon:
"Sweetie, be nice to the people that handle your food."

ColoSwiss · **Reply #34 on:** April 05, 2016, 10:08:12 PM

I spent half my money on booze, cigars and gambling. The other half I wasted.

W. C. Fields

Grant Lamontagne · **Reply #35 on:** April 06, 2016, 04:01:37 PM

Quote from: pfrsantos on April 05, 2016, 07:57:15 PM

It ain't no use putting up your umbrella until it rains.

If you trip and don't fall, you take a bigger step.

Only a fool argues with a drunk, a mule or a cook.

A great one, from Penny (The Big Bang Theory) to Sheldon:
"Sweetie, be nice to the people that handle your food."

This is why I am always nice to servers, even if they are completely useless.

NSFW- or lunch break.... don't watch this before you head out for food of any kind.

I've worked in a lot of restaurants in my day, and while I never did anything this bad I really don't feel like taking chances.

Def

pfrsantos · **Reply #36 on:** April 06, 2016, 04:20:45 PM

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

W. C. Fields Quotes

pfrsantos · **Reply #37 on:** April 06, 2016, 05:19:46 PM

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

George Carlin Quotes

jerseydevil · **Reply #38 on:** April 06, 2016, 05:41:10 PM

I always keep some booze handy, in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.

W.C.Fields

ironraven · **Reply #39 on:** April 07, 2016, 04:47:38 AM

Other than the one in my sig about the three kinds of man?

"Dust off and nuke the site from orbit"
"You're not wrong, you're just a smurfhole." (often it's "I'm", not "you're", but...)
"They are lazy, incompetent, ignorant, cowardly, lieing, cheating, thieving scum. But they are our scum and no one else gets to screw them over."
"Never trust a for profit prophet."
"You might not be able to force a horse to drink, but you can drown it trying"
"If you're trying reaaaaly hard, you're probably doing it wrong"
"The difference between thinking and knowing is a trip to the hospital"

ColoSwiss · **Reply #40 on:** April 07, 2016, 04:54:46 AM

You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.

This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly. Rather it should be hurled with great force.

Dorothy Parker

yud · **Reply #41 on:** April 07, 2016, 06:42:14 AM

"You have to choose between your life and a woman, and it's got to be your own life, doesn't it?" Bernard Moitessier (but the citation is ambiguous)

"To young men contemplating a voyage I would say go." Joshua Slocum Sailing Alone Around the World

Steinar · **Reply #42 on:** April 07, 2016, 11:27:42 AM

I am not saying it is your fault. I am saying I am going to blame you.

firiki · **Reply #43 on:** April 07, 2016, 11:56:58 AM

^^^ Made me think of this song

Put The Blame On Mame - Gilda (1946)

Top-Gear-24 · **Reply #44 on:** April 07, 2016, 12:43:26 PM

Here are a couple of sayings I like:

“Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.” (not sure by who, but google says by George Carlin)

"Never argue with an idiot, onlookers wont be able to tell the difference" (by Mark Twain)

“Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.” (by Joseph Heller, but got to know it by the Nirvana song "Territorial Pissings")

And one of my favorites:

“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.” (by Frank Zappa)