Things I Learned from the Movies

[spudley112]

Please, keep adding to the list!

1. One stab with a 3 inch blade instantly kills people

2. A Glock holds 362 rounds

3. If you call the police to report a major tragedy, they will think it is a prank or you are crazy

4. (In the 1980s) A throwing star instantly kills, despite the fact it penetrates only an inch into flesh

5. Being shot in the shoulder or upper chest is ok...ten minutes later you will be able to fight and move your arm around no problem

6. No matter what kind of wild animal it is, it can sense your good intentions and suddenly becomes tame

7. In a fight, you can hit an opponent in the head with a wrench, but the fight will keep going, but when you need to quietly take out a guard, one punch knocks him out immediately

8. No car (regardless of how new it is) will start when you need to get away quickly

9. Bad guys are always fully aware of how bad they are, and unlike real life, feel no need to justify their actions

10. Flashlights will always start randomly blinking on and off, then completely fail, when you are close to the bad guy

11. In every vampire movie, someone will have to fully explain what vampires are

12. In every classroom scene, whether high school or college, the professor will be explaining basic lessons that should have been taught in junior high

13. When someone needs to hack into the NSA, CIA or any other high security system, it is achieved in less than a minute

14. In any crime drama, there will be a lab geek who is so good at their job, they are totally forgiven from following protocol, dress codes or any other rules...they will also be "quirky" and loved by everyone - this extends to TV (NCIS, Criminal Minds etc)

15. When police investigate a crime, nothing at the crime scene will be just something random - no matter how unkept the place is, every single thread, cigarette butt or piece of trash is a major clue

16. When you hand a gun to a girl, your doubts about her abilities with a gun will immediately discipate when she drops and checks the magazine, slams it home and racks the slide - this is an obvious sign of a world class shooter and you are required to look shocked

17. A serial killer will never have ANY variation in his crime - he will ALWAYS stick to a strict ritual

18. When someone is trying to run you down with a car, the best thing to do is run down the highway

19. Every civilian that is good with a gun grew up on a farm or had a father in the Army

20. Everyone who had a father in the Army is an expert with full auto chain fed machine guns, claymore mines and rocket launchers, because...you know...soldiers always bring their children to live fire exercises

21. All bombs are defused 1 second before they go off

22. When you are a teenage nerd, the most beautiful girl in your school will fall in love with you as long as you "just tell her how you feel"

23. There is never a drug deal that goes down without digressing into a murder or gunfight...because repeat clients mean nothing to drug dealers

24. Every religious figure is a hypocrite and probably the bad guy you are looking for

25. If you are standing on an elevated walkway, and someone is shooting at you, don't worry, every bullet will hit the hand rail

26. A 110 lb woman can easily take down a 300 lb bad guy with a single front kick

27. If you live in a city that has been repeatedly attacked by giant monsters, the best thing to do is rebuild and continue to live there

28. If there is a funeral, it will definitely be raining

29. Sean Bean will probably die

[spudley112]

30. The best person to solve and unsolvable case, is an obsessed cop that is either retired, fired or suspended

31. Military personnel are allowed to have a 3 day beard and hair that is completely out of regulation

[Don Pablo]

Some of those kind of apply to real life, in my personal experience!

32. People don't need to use the toilet

[Top-Gear-24]

33. When there is a huge explosion behind you, you don't run away, you don't even look behind you,  just walk away in slow motion. looking cool as a cucumber.

[Top-Gear-24]

34. Motorbikes are best suited for a high speed chase, since they apparently have 60+ upward gears while never needing a downshift.

[ThundahBeagle]

35. If I see *ONE* more "kickboxer girl, or boxer girl hitting heavy bag" scene, used as a method of showing what a badass she is, I think I'm gonna puke. Not to say girls cant be badass. I'm just tired of the scene. Same scene over and over, just different movies. It's like french bread sticking out of a brown paper bag when coming home from the market in movies, only the french bread thing is cute and endearing

I will say, number 17, is kind of right. I mean, serial killers sort of find thier way and come into their own, but then they typically do follow the modus operandi that works, with only slight modifications  which may or may not find their way into the next killing

[ThundahBeagle]

Funny story regarding #3...

I was witness to a crime a number of years ago, and the perpetrators started chasing me. I hopped a couple fences and pounded on someone's back door to let me in. They did. I asked to use the phone ( that's how long ago this was) and I called the police.

Calling the police I told them what I witnessed and told them I was being chased. I quickly asked someone in the house for the address and they told it to me. I relayed it to the police reiterating the urgency of the situation and I needed them to come down and get me out of here.

They laughed a little and hung up.

I called back twice before they took me seriously, and only on the way out the front door did I realize the place was a half-way house for folks with mental and drug abuse issues. No wonder the police didnt take me seriously.

True story

[spudley112]

I will say, number 17, is kind of right. I mean, serial killers sort of find thier way and come into their own, but then they typically do follow the modus operandi that works, with only slight modifications  which may or may not find their way into the next killing

I meant that the movie serial killers do the exact same thing. It is common for the real life killers to have several methods.

Richard Ramirez used guns, knives, machetes, hammers and tire irons.

Ed Kemper - Guns, knives, strangulation, fists, claw hammer

Jeffrey Dahmer - Bludgeon, strangulation, drill, acid

[Etherealicer]

26. A 110 lb woman can easily take down a 300 lb bad guy with a single front kick

"Girls kick ass; says so on a t-shirt" - Max Guevara (Dark Angel)

27. If you live in a city that has been repeatedly attacked by giant monsters, the best thing to do is rebuild and continue to live there

Well, yeah... ask anybody who lives in a hurricane/bush-fire/earthquake prone zone.

[spudley112]

36. If you are a native on Skull Island, and you build a huge wall to keep out King Kong, make sure you also put in a 50 foot door (King Kong 1933, 1976, 2005)

37. Grenades can blow up an entire house

38. If I had a Holodeck, I would never leave the house again

[pfrsantos]

29. Sean Bean is dead.

FTFY...

 

39. Every person that works in the morgue is awlways eating a huge sandwich full of dripping sauce when someone comes to identify a body.

[lister]

For female action heroes more movies should look up to alien (Ripley) and resident evil (Alice?). As for fighting anyone 3 times your size just do what Indian Jones did, shoot the smurf! 

[chip]

One thing that really annoys me is when they fire their rifles on full auto with seemingly everlasting magazines.
Talking of Sean bean, if you are familiar with the sharpe TV movies when in battle they regularly killed the enemy with a well aimed kick between the legs.

[spudley112]

29. Sean Bean is dead.

FTFY...

 

39. Every person that works in the morgue is awlways eating a huge sandwich full of dripping sauce when someone comes to identify a body.

Holy cow! I laughed my butt of at that one...so true!

[Mechanickal]

No. 3 story...

I was 14 and as such, was living at my parents.

There's an airforce base closeby so we're used to plane noises.
Suddenly we hear an afterburner ignite, followed by the sound level raising to a deafening level.
We ran outside and see a fighter jet in a downward path. It got so low it went behind a small forest in the distance. Once it was in sight again, it slammed into the ground in a huge ball of fire and dirt.

My dad grabbed the phone and called the emergency services...
They were unimpressed and not amused...

Only after a few repeats, and the anxiety getting hearable in his voice, they started to act.


PS: the pilot ejected when the plane was behind the forest. He landed his chute safely a few hundred meters from the crash site.

[spudley112]

 Anytime the main character's partner, best friend or spouse is rushed from the ER into surgery because they flat line, it is best to keep fighting with with hospital staff in and effort to stay in the room instead of getting out of the way and letting them handle the situation.

[SirVicaLot]

40. Arnie will be back 

[nate j]

41.  Guns only malfunction or require reloading when the event heightens the drama and or serves some other important plot point.

42.  (closely related to 1,4,5,7, & 26)  An injury that is at most a minor inconvenience to one character spells certain death for another character.

[gregozedobe]

This one is more applicable to TV series than movies:

43  In a show where people regularly die, any suddenly introduced new character is usually not going to last very long.

[Reinier]

44. A few seconds before a hostage is shot in the head, some hero guy suddenly shows up and saves everyone.

[Grant Lamontagne]

For female action heroes more movies should look up to alien (Ripley) and resident evil (Alice?). As for fighting anyone 3 times your size just do what Indian Jones did, shoot the smurf! 

There was supposed to be a huge fight scene there, between Indy and the sword guy, but Harrison Ford (and most of the actors and crew) was suffering from a serious bout of food poisoning, so he improvised and shot the guy instead.  The director liked it so much they kept the scene, as is.  It was just lucky that the stuntman had the wherewithal to fall down when he was "shot."

45.  No matter how many times the good guy is shot or stabbed, he still has the strength to throw the bad guy off a building.

46.  Amnesia and quick sand are serious concerns in Hollywood, happening almost constantly to anyone in a hurry.

Def

[Etherealicer]

41.  Guns only malfunction or require reloading when the event heightens the drama and or serves some other important plot point.

Same sees to be true for their accuracy...
hero makes dozens of improbable shots killing 10 henchmen with every bullet, then unloads a volley of bullets on main bad guy and misses every time (same goes vice versa)

[Etherealicer]

47. People do not tire... half an hour of constant hand to hand combat? No problem... those boxers doing silly 3min rounds are seriously out of shape.

[pfrsantos]

48. When disarming a time bomb, any time that the camera is showing the hero's face while he talks to someone else or is thinking about the situation, the clock stops counting. It resumes when the camera shows the clock face again.

[Gath]

49. If they're not both guys there will almost always be sexual tension between them if there's two main characters.

Sometimes even when they are, and both women is about equal to male-female pairs.

And this is of course completely regardless of compability or if it even makes sense in the situation.

50. Every major character has some tragic backstory.

For female action heroes more movies should look up to alien (Ripley) and resident evil (Alice?). As for fighting anyone 3 times your size just do what Indian Jones did, shoot the smurf! 

One of the things that moved Resident Evil games solidly towards regular shooters was moving from extreme to outright supernatural durability. To 4 every game has one simple solution to tough massive enemies: any enemy, in a vulnerable state will die to a one shot of a Rocket Launcher.

[ReamerPunch]

51. If thugs are shooting at you, don't worry. They'll miss.
52. If you get locked up, you'll be able to escape with minimum effort.
53. If you get captured, they won't kill you immediately. They'll explain their plan in detail, before you find a way to escape.

[ReamerPunch]

54. If you are wearing a bulletproof vest, they won't shoot your head.

[Reinier]

48. When disarming a time bomb, any time that the camera is showing the hero's face while he talks to someone else or is thinking about the situation, the clock stops counting. It resumes when the camera shows the clock face again.

So... if you ever need to disarm a bomb, make sure you have a camera man/woman with your pointing the camera at your face. Infinite bomb disarming time guaranteed.

[Aloha]

This whole thread 

[Don Pablo]

It was just lucky that the stuntman had the wherewithal to fall down when he was "shot."

Nah, it was more like "Hey Boss and [unnamed swordsman]. I'm not feeling too good. Can we try shooting you when we do this take?"

Unscripted =/= undiscussed.