Ok so let me set the scene for you, Ben and I tolerate each other reasonable well
, but live a fair distance apart, and due to work/family it's hard for us to meet up all that often as life tends to get in the way
. Consequently we really can't pick the weather
, there's no '
the weather's crap today, let's make it next weekend' kind of thing!, Oh no we go regardless of the weather, we are after all plucky Brit's
Now on the four occations we've met up we've had, Gale force wind's, terenchal rain, biblical hailstones, thunder and lightning, and now
SNOW! 
Clearly we'd angered the weather Gods
So scene set, on with the story...
So we both had a window in our busy jet setting lifestyles to meet up and chat sharp and shiney
, and seeing as he played host time, it was Ben's turn to drag his worthless butt over to my neck of the woods
. And boy was there much toolage
Now since last time I'd seen him, Ben has been inducted into the Holy Order of the Mall Ninja as an Acolyte
, well keen to impress his mentor's in the Ninja arts as to his suitability as a Mall Ninja
, he brought to my house much in the way of Ninja bladeyness
, HK Blitz, Spydie Police (personal fav of mine) Cold Steel Tri Folder and a host of other super desirable
weapons tools too
Well after showing him my paulty collection of tool's (including Elmer
) We set of the wood's to teach Ben how to start a fire in sub zero tempretures and under 4 foot of snow
Well after a short trip up the road we came to the wood's with a small flurry of snow following us all the way, this didn't bode well, but we pressed on using the aforementioned pluck
. After treking up hill away from prying eye's, we found a suitable spot for a campsite, and despite the worrying bear spore, we got to work
. Now the snow hadn't really taken a hold yet, but the wind was up, and it has been very wet for the last couple of weeks so consequently everything was just absolutely soddern
, so getting a quick fire going was out of the question, but Ben under my expert tutalage (
) got to work batoning wood, and making beautifully tight and curly feathersticks, despite the wood being so frozen it was akin to iron to work with
. Not to mention that now it was properly snowing, and out fire bed was under an inch of snow, as was out kindling/tinder pile
But make a fire he did, and a bloody good one at that considering the challenging circumstances
So now we had fire
, so after thawing our bones out, we turned to making out delicious gormet Red Dwarf Special Pot Noodles
and that's when the trouble started
...
Lulled from there restive hibernation by the smell of our nutritious Pot Noodle's, we were suddenly attacked viciously by slavering, wild eyed Polar Bear's intent on stealing our Pot Noodle, and intent on wearing our intestines as this year's must have fashion accessory
Ben with no though for his safety, and repaying the compliment for my having saved him from the boar attack last time around, pulled his CS Master Hunter from it's sheath, and yanked my F1 from the branch from beside me, and now suitably armed, hurled himself at our assailants
Ducking a blow that would have ripped his spikey head from his shoulders, he ripped open the first Polar Bear from strunum to groin with the Master Hunter, while simultaneously stabbing the F1 through the eye socket of the second, The third and forth Polar Bear seeing this started to warily circle Ben, slowly offering feint's to find an opening in Ben's epic martial prowess. Finding none they rushed him, over the now snow and blood slicked ground, the Third Bear stumbled in the entrails of his fallen friend (there's irony for you!), and for a time at least was taken from the fight, allowing our heroic Ben time to regroup, and take on the more massive of the two remaining bears. With an expertise born of years of combat, Ben droped his guard, the Bear taking advantage of this apparent opening, charged in forgeting all pretence of fighteing etiquete, thrust it's impossibly large claws at Bens abdomen...
With a vicious grin upon his handsome features (ok I'm lying about this bit, but the rest is true!) Ben droped to his knee's, and all before my horrified gaze
, but I need not have worried! With an athletic spring quite at odds with his scrawny frame, he shot up reversing the grip on my F1 and stabbing the blade deep into the hugely muscled chest of the beast, and as the beast threw it's head back in a beastly inhuman roar, Ben punched his now bloodied Master Hunter up through the Bears jaw and up into the beast's brain pan, twisting brutally all the while, until with a shudering breath the polar bear fell to the ground dead
Seeing this, the fourth and final bear fled huriedly from the scene, with a melancholic, plaintive wail on it's lips. Ben now drained of the phycotic urges that so haunt his days, allowed the bear to escape, upon my remarking on this, he mearly stated
'There an endangered species...
So after packing up out stuff, and avoiding the larger snow drifts and now congealing blood stains, we made our way to the pub
where much tool talk ensued
I'd just like to say thanks to Ben for an epic day, and for being such a bloody fine student
Thanks mate
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