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Jokes for my work group

ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #90 on: December 18, 2024, 01:24:37 PM
I’m glad you liked that one.

Here is today’s joke:

Good morning everyone!

On the third day of Christmas jokes your coworker gave to you a little bit of wildlife knowledge.

Did you know that animals generally do not celebrate Christmas?  In most cases it's because they don't have the cognitive capacity to understand complete concepts like holidays, but in the case of crabs, it's because they are shellfish.

Have a great day out there everyone!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #91 on: December 19, 2024, 12:43:47 PM
Today’s joke:

Good morning everyone!

On the fourth day of Christmas your coworker gave you:

I bought Megan a new fridge for Christmas- I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it!

I also got her a broken drum.  I figure she can't beat that!

Don't forget the Staff Appreciation Lunch at Jack Astors in Dartmouth Crossing at noon today!


If anyone wants to make it to the Staff Appreciation lunch come on by and I will swear up and down that you’ve been here for years.  We change engineers so often I doubt they would know the difference.

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #92 on: December 20, 2024, 02:45:26 PM
Last one before the Christmas break:

Good morning everyone and Happy Friday!  This is the last joke of 2024, so you better enjoy it!

On the fifth day of Christmas, your coworker gave to you:

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, but if I run out I'll drink the red too.

Also, I tried to put in a good word for you all with Santa but he won't stop laughing.

I hope you all have a happy and safe holiday and we all win the lottery and don't have to come back here in January!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


us Offline Farmer X

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #93 on: December 21, 2024, 12:21:29 AM
 :rofl: Guess I'd be dreaming of an amber Christmas, then?
USN 2000-2006

Culling of the knife and multi herds in progress...

If I pay five figures for something, it better have wings or a foundation!


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #94 on: December 21, 2024, 05:46:25 PM
Nope.

Don’t go there considering the way people say “ambulance” online nowadays in “amber lamps” please refrain from anything of the sort!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


us Offline Farmer X

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #95 on: December 22, 2024, 11:56:19 PM
I was referring more to the color of whiskey. :oops:
USN 2000-2006

Culling of the knife and multi herds in progress...

If I pay five figures for something, it better have wings or a foundation!


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #96 on: January 06, 2025, 01:03:06 PM
I’m back to work today, so you know what that means!

First team joke of 2025:

Good morning everyone and welcome back!

Over the break I wrote a manuscript on penguins, but it was rejected by a publisher.

Apparently they felt it should have been written on paper.

Have a great first day back, and sorry for waking you up so early Moe!



One of my coworkers, Moe has gone home for an extended holiday (as he does every year) and since he’s in a different time zone means he will get these texts at 4am.

Hopefully he turned his ringer off!   ::)

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


us Offline BPRoberts

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #97 on: January 06, 2025, 05:15:33 PM
I appreciate that you do the 12 Days of Christmas after Christmas, the way it's supposed to be.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #98 on: January 07, 2025, 01:29:53 PM
Good morning everyone!

I was reading an article recently written by a person who collects old magazines.

That sounds like a person who has a lot of issues.

Have a great day everyone!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #99 on: January 08, 2025, 02:24:17 PM
Good morning everyone!

When you think of South America you think about how warm it is, but what people don't realize is that it's actually surprisingly cold in Argentina.

In fact, it's bordering on Chile.

Have a great day everyone!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #100 on: January 09, 2025, 12:26:47 PM
Good morning everyone!

Like many of us, I have decided to get healthy in 2025!  I'm proud to tell you that I burned 2500 calories in 20 minutes last night after work.

Sure it was because I forgot to talk the cookies out of the oven, but I'm still counting it.

Have a great (and safe!) day out there!

Oh, and I am going on vacation until the 22nd so you guys are going to have to share your own jokes until I get back!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #101 on: January 10, 2025, 02:39:13 PM
I hadn’t planned to do a joke for my work group today, but since I’m sitting in the airport lounge right now and have nothing better to do……

But instead of a joke it is my favourite quote about flight!

Good morning everyone!

I'm on a layover in Toronto right now and figured one more funny to finish out the week!

To be topical, the great Douglas Adams wrote in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" that "the knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

Have a great weekend everyone!

There’s just something wholesomely universal (no pun intended!) about Douglas Adams that I absolutely love!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


us Offline Farmer X

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #102 on: January 11, 2025, 02:40:33 PM
Forgetting about the cookies in the oven will definitely burn those calories! :rofl:
USN 2000-2006

Culling of the knife and multi herds in progress...

If I pay five figures for something, it better have wings or a foundation!


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #103 on: January 14, 2025, 02:38:36 PM
I woke up this morning to a bunch of messages from my work group.  Apparently they are missing my morning jokes.  You can’t help but feel appreciated when something like that happens, so I sent this one:

Come on people, there's like 11 of you in this chat group!

Surely you can come up with your own jokes this week!

To get you started, we went to the Aquarium the other day, and they also have an aviary there.  I learned that one bird can't tell a joke, but toucan!

Have a great day everyone!  I know I am!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #104 on: January 17, 2025, 03:09:37 AM
One of my coworkers stepped up and did a joke today:

Trying my hand at the daily Puns:
Want to hear a chemistry joke? K. Be warned, all the good ones Argon. Hopefully that gets a reaction.

Have a good one!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #105 on: January 22, 2025, 01:10:11 PM
Good morning everyone!

I'm back!

I had a great vacation down south and I met up with a good buddy of mine named Miles.  Of course, when I knew him he was still in Canada and his name was Kilometers.

Have a great day everyone and try to keep warm!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


gb Offline andywork

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #106 on: January 22, 2025, 05:28:09 PM
Was his name Miles Away? :D


gb Offline andywork

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #107 on: January 22, 2025, 08:53:13 PM
If it was, I guess he must be living there with his new wife.
Did you meter? :D


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #108 on: January 23, 2025, 01:57:30 AM
If it was, I guess he must be living there with his new wife.
Did you meter? :D

Good ones!

If only I’d known those earlier I would have included them for my team! 

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #109 on: January 23, 2025, 12:23:46 PM
Good morning everyone!

I don't mean to brag, but I have a superpower.  Just by looking at someone I can tell instantly if they are lying.

Or sitting.

Or standing.

Have a great day everyone!  Hang in there, it's going to warm up later to just a little below freezing.  Sheesh.

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #110 on: January 24, 2025, 01:05:45 PM
Happy Friday everyone!

I have a confession to make.  I will not took this job because they fired me from the ice cream shop.

It's for the best because I refuse to work on Sundaes.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #111 on: January 27, 2025, 01:10:11 PM
Good morning everyone!  I hope you all had a great weekend!

It's a bit chilly again today and it got me to thinking about how many people have trouble spelling the word icy.  After thinking about it for a bit I see why.

Have a great day everyone- or at least as good as a Monday can get!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #112 on: January 27, 2025, 01:57:53 PM
One of my coworkers responded to todays joke with:


I read somewhere that the first computer was owned by a couple called Adam and Eve.

And, it was an Aple with very limited memory.
 
Just 1 byte and everything crashed.

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #113 on: January 28, 2025, 01:33:30 PM
Good morning everyone!

Of all my body parts, my fingers have always been the most reliable.  I know I can always count on them.

Have a great day everyone!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #114 on: January 29, 2025, 12:52:25 PM
Good morning everyone!

I have an uncle that works for a company that makes wheels for bicycles.

He's a spokesman.

Have a great day everyone! 

Except our weigher in the scalehouse.  I'm mad at him.  He did everything right this morning and screwed up everything we are doing here on site because apparently we weren't expecting that.....

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


gb Offline andywork

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #115 on: January 30, 2025, 06:23:24 AM
 :rofl:

Does your Uncle also peddle cycles? ;)


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #116 on: January 30, 2025, 10:40:05 AM
He says he would but he’s two tired.  :D

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


fi Offline Antti Lammi

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #117 on: January 30, 2025, 10:43:27 AM
 :rofl:


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #118 on: January 30, 2025, 01:33:25 PM
Good morning everyone!

Try to stay warm out there!  It's so cold.....

......politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

.......my plumber pulled his pants up.

........ the hinges on the Gates of Hell have frozen.

........ the chickens are lining up to get in the oven.

........ my thermostat just gave me the finger.

Have a great day everyone!

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #119 on: January 31, 2025, 01:27:47 PM
I just heard on the news that a truck loaded with Vicks Vaporub overturned on highway 103, but don't worry, authorities aren't expecting any congestion for at least 8 hours.

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.


 

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