Sitting this one out, but I couldn't leave the opportunity Here in the Netherlands, we like to make jokes about Belgians...
How do you drive an Austrian crazy?Show contentWrite on both sides of a paper "Please turn over".
First of all, thanks for yet another awesome giveaway, and it's nice to have something else to read than the long lists of names .It's not easy to tell a joke in another language than your own, with jokes, it often comes down to small, yet important "nuances" or exactly which words you choose, having said that, I'll try my best ... (hope you guys don't mind the mistakes I type ).A young man walks into a pharmacy, the pharmacist asks if he can help him, the young man replies that he's invited for dinner by the parents of his girlfriend for the first time that evening, and that after dinner, he hopes to "get lucky" with his girlfriend, so he needs a condom ...The pharmacist gives him one condom and asks if that will be all.The young man starts to think ... then he says: Well, you know, my girlfriends sister is also very cute, and I think she also likes me, who knows, maybe later in the evening, I might get lucky with her to, so I might need two condoms ... The pharmacist takes another condom and places it on the counter and asks if that will be all.The young man starts to think again ... well ... you know ... my girlfriends mother is also a nice looking lady, and I thinks she likes me to, who knows ... maybe I'll get lucky with her to late in the evening, so I might just need another condom ...The pharmacist takes a third condom and places it on the counter, the young man pays for them and walks out ...In the evening, the young man arrives at his girlfriends house a bit late, she opens the door and says that her family is already at the dinner table and they are waiting for him to start dinner. The young man walks into the dinner room, sits down at the table, immediately bows his head, puts his hands together near his forehead and starts praying, after a couple of minutes, he's still praying so his girlfriend whispers in his ear "what are you doing ? You never told me you were that religious ... ? He mumbles to her: "and you never told me your father was a pharmacist ..."
I went to the supermarket this morning and demanded to see the manager. When he came over I said "This bottle of vinegar I got yesterday has lumps in". He said "They're pickled onions"
Quote from: 50ft-trad on July 24, 2013, 11:04:34 AMI went to the supermarket this morning and demanded to see the manager. When he came over I said "This bottle of vinegar I got yesterday has lumps in". He said "They're pickled onions"Is that a true story?
I like graffiti...So here's one translated...If you think nobody in the world cares if you're alive ... just skip installment ...And one moreJustin Bieber: "Gods of music sent me on earth!"Iron Maiden: "No we haven't!!"
Justin Bieber: "Gods of music sent me on earth!"Iron Maiden: "No we haven't!!"
To celebrate their 7th anniversary, a man and his wife spend the weekend at an exclusive golf resort. He is a pretty good golfer, but she only just started. When they head down to the golf course after a lavish lunch and a bottle of champagne, they notice a beautiful mansion a couple of hundred yards behind the first hole."Let's be extra careful, honey," the husband says, "If we damage that house over there, it'll cost us a fortune."The wife nods, tees off and - bang! - sends the ball right through the window of the mansion."Jesus Christ," the husband says. "I told you to watch out for that house. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see what the damage is."They walk up to the house and knock on the door."Come on in," a voice in the house says.The couple open the door and enter the foyer. The living room is a mess. There are pieces of glass all over the floor and a broken bottle near the window. A man sits on the couch.When the couple enter the room, he gets up and says, "Are you the guys who just broke my window?""Um, yeah," the husband replies, "sorry about that.""Not at all, it's me who has to thank you. I'm a genie and was trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. You've just released me. To show my gratitude, I'm allowed to grant each of you a wish. But - I'll require one favor in return.""Really? That's great!" the husband says. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.""No problem - that's the least I can do. And you, what do you want?" the genie asks, looking at the wife."I want a house in every country of the world," the wife says.The genie smiles. "Consider it done.""And what's this favor we must grant in return, genie?" the husband asks."Well, since I've been trapped in that stupid bottle for the last thousand years, I haven't had sex with a woman for a very long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife."The husband scratches his head, looks at the wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all these houses, honey. So I guess I'm fine if it's alright with you."The genie and the wife disappear in a room upstairs and make love for an hour, while the husband stays in the living room.When they are done, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife and asks, "How old exactly is your husband?""31," she replies."And he still believes in genies? That's amazing!"
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
Two chemists walk into a bar.The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work."The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom.His assassination plot had failed.
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