Sorry for the puny title. Two weeks ago, I went to a GI speSmurfpillst because of a very bad stomach flue that caused me to projectile vomit everywhere. I tend to lack the vomiting reflex and it suitably scared me when I did...despite the last time being back in Kindergarten at the tender age of 5. So the emergency doctor referred me to a speSmurfpillst. I got a phone call a while back informing me that an appointment was made for me. Great. I wanted to get to the bottom of this. Yeah I know. another bad pun. I apologize.
So I get to my appointment early. Not sure why, but I guess its my notion that if I was ever late to something, I might die from embarrassment. Anyways, I wait a few hours before he sees me. I make the mistake of telling him that my father had colon cancer. After a series of questions, he deduces that my bout was from a very bad virus making the rounds, but I should get an endoscopy done as I am now at the age for screening. Ummm...er....ok. He seemed so concerned that I agreed to get one. I figure Doc knows best. Not looking for it though but ok.
I exit his office with a prescription for two medications, and an appointment at the Hospital. I wait until last Friday to get the medication from my local Pharmacist. I am informed to take these two little pills on Saturday at lunch, and then to take the powdered purging medication at 2 and 6 pm respectively on Sunday. I am not to eat anything Sunday either, but to drink clear fluids. I look at my Pharmacist and tell him I am not sure I can go all day without eating anything. He tells me that if I don't, I will have to do the procedure all over again. Yeah ok, I will not eat a thing!
Saturday rolls over and the two little pills do nothing that I can tell. Sunday rolls over and I am good not eating. I am well until I take the first dosage at 2 with 150ml of water. Everything is ok until a few hours later. Before you know it, I am the king of the throne. 6 rolls over and I take the second package. Same thing, except by this time, I have little to give. Now I haven't had nothing to eat all day and I figure it won't be so bad when I sleep. Unfortunately, my two cats sensed something was up and jumped on and off of me all night. I was ready to kill them, but it is hard when they are purring and being mischievous at the same time. Finally get some sleep at 1 am.
I was smart, I had set my alarm clock to wake me up at 6 am as my appointment was at 7:30 am. However, thankfully, my cats woke me up at 6:30 wondering when they were going to get fed. I had forgotten to change the time on my alarm clock. Doh!
I rush around and drive down to the Hospital. My stomach doing its best imitation of whales mating in the ocean. I make it there fine and park my vehicle. Ack, its 5 bucks to get out! You can tell I rarely go to the hospital. I ask the receptionist where day surgery was. I was told it was on the third floor at 3D. Got it. I make it with 15 minutes to spare. There was another there, who's stomach was making similar sounds. It was almost poetic in a weird way the music we were making. Now we had a whale pod grooving.
I am quickly hustled into the den and handed a hospital gown, a housecoat, and a pair of little throw away slippers, and told to strip and change in one of the dressing rooms. After struggling into my one size too small gown and housecoat, I come out and hand all my possessions to the waiting nurse who locks them in a locker...she keeps the key. Ok. Now I feel absolutely naked now without my watch, keys, wallet, clothing, etc. It is an odd sensation. She brings me into another waiting room where I re-meet the other patient.
One of the nurses came over and attempted to give me an IV feed. She tried several times per hand. Eventually she calls over another nurse who got lucky with the first strike. Yay me, now I feel like a pincushion. I am also told that I cannot drive for 24 hours after the procedure. What!?!? I thought I could wait a few hours afterwards and leave. She tells me that I will be drunk for many hours and couldn't legally drive until the 24 hours is up. I am a bit ticked off. I guess I will have to take a cab back home or something. After this pleasant wake up call, I am brought into another waiting room. I wait there till I am told to hop onto a rolling hospital bed and then I wait some more. I actually fell asleep for what I estimate was around 20 minutes...as I left my watch in the locker earlier.
Then I am wheeled into the second room. As I am being wheeled in the nurse tells me that the good drugs are in there. I tell here that I am not all certain about being sedated as I won't be able to drive home afterwards. I figure get a cab and call a good friend to drive me back the next morning. She tells me that many doctors do the procedure without as they have to work right after. I tell her that sound excellent. She looks at me odd and agreed to talk to the Doctor and if it is ok with him, all is good to go.
I wait another 20 minutes or so and the Doctor come in and tells me that I want to get the procedure without any drugs. I say sure. He calls me a tough guy and agrees. Now here is the best part, and no, I won't go into any of the gory parts. He lets me watch everything on the screen. The sensation was odd with a little bit of pressure and cramping whenever he had to negotiate a tight corner...but overall, it was nothing. I told the nurse wheeling me out that I was puzzled at why everyone wanted to be put out. Seriously, the procedure was nothing. She gave me a funny look and told me I must have a high pain threshold.
So as I type this, I just got home from a um...experience. Yeah that is what I am going to call it. Something to look forward to in another 5 years. So I guess the moral of the story is this. I was dreading this as I didn't like the thought of it. However, having gone through the procedure, and getting to watch the Doctor's progress on the screen with him, it wasn't near as bad as I thought it might be. At least I got to see my colon.
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