10th Anniversary Def Roast!

lichan · **Reply #30 on:** July 18, 2016, 05:01:24 PM

Will Rogers once said, "I never met a man I didn't like, until I met Grant!" He is also reputed to have said, "I'm not a member of an organized multitool forum, I'm an MTO-er."

Etherealicer · **Reply #31 on:** July 18, 2016, 05:04:08 PM

Quote from: pfrsantos on July 18, 2016, 04:26:22 PM

I heard someone once asked Bear Grills: "What would you rather do? Shake Grant's hand or drink your own piss?"

Well, we all know the answer to that...

Well...

And no, that is not a joke

Huntsman · **Reply #32 on:** July 18, 2016, 05:41:53 PM

There was an old man called Defender,
Who went out with the lads on a bender,
He thought he was hard,
But really - he's just lard,
We all know he's the Great Pretender.

Etherealicer · **Reply #33 on:** July 18, 2016, 05:43:44 PM

Quote from: Huntsman on July 18, 2016, 05:41:53 PM

There was an old man called Defender,
Who went out with the lads on a bender,
He thought he was hard,
But really - he's just lard,
We all know he's the Great Pretender.

Limerick, me like

sLaughterMed · **Reply #34 on:** July 18, 2016, 05:59:41 PM

I still find it amazing that despite Grants extensive multitool collection, he still seems to have screw loose.

tattoosteve99 · **Reply #35 on:** July 18, 2016, 06:22:47 PM

Quote from: Corwyn on July 17, 2016, 09:16:03 AM

Not in, as I already won an LLF1 last year (amazing light, by the way, have it in my backpack as we speak). I travelled whole Europe with it.

Just meant to say that in this picture you look like Jesus if he smoked a hemp bag, then got the munchies and ate 10 Happy Meals...

(Image removed from quote.)

Hahahaha hahahaha!!! I give up. This one is freaking awesome

derekmac · **Reply #36 on:** July 18, 2016, 10:57:03 PM

So some of you might have read that Grant had been considering becoming a helicopter pilot. An instructor asked him if he could come up with a good safety feature to add to the helicopter. Grant said they should have ejection seats....

magentus · **Reply #37 on:** July 18, 2016, 11:15:52 PM

A Haiku:

River Ottowa
On the surface he floats
Until he doesn't.

jday2727 · **Reply #38 on:** July 19, 2016, 12:44:00 AM

There once was a man named Grant
Who's brain was the size of an ant
He thinks that he can
Convince us he's a man
But in all reality, he can't

Sent from my Z987 using Tapatalk

derekmac · **Reply #39 on:** July 19, 2016, 01:46:09 AM

When Grant went to get his social insurance number, and was asked to provide his birth certificate, he handed the lady an apology letter from Trojan.

JP · **Reply #40 on:** July 19, 2016, 02:20:53 AM

When Grant was a boy he was so ugly that his folks had to tie a steak around his neck just to get the dog to play with him.

Sent from my XT1563 using Tapatalk

Grant Lamontagne · **Reply #41 on:** July 19, 2016, 02:29:33 AM

Quote from: JP on July 19, 2016, 02:20:53 AM

When Grant was a boy he was so ugly that his folks had to tie a steak around his neck just to get the dog to play with him.

Sent from my XT1563 using Tapatalk

We tried that but the dog decided to become a vegan after that....

Def

ducttapetech · **Reply #42 on:** July 19, 2016, 02:41:49 AM

Quote from: derekmac on July 19, 2016, 01:46:09 AM

When Grant went to get his social insurance number, and was asked to provide his birth certificate, he handed the lady an apology letter from Trojan.

LOL!

JP · **Reply #43 on:** July 19, 2016, 02:49:39 AM

Quote from: Grant Lamontagne on July 19, 2016, 02:29:33 AM

Quote from: JP on July 19, 2016, 02:20:53 AM
When Grant was a boy he was so ugly that his folks had to tie a steak around his neck just to get the dog to play with him.

Sent from my XT1563 using Tapatalk

We tried that but the dog decided to become a vegan after that....

Def

Poor dog

Swiss Guy · **Reply #44 on:** July 19, 2016, 04:36:35 AM

I was about to tell a joke that would make you laugh so hard it would cause brain damage and facial deformity, but I can see Grant already heard it.

jerseydevil · **Reply #45 on:** July 19, 2016, 04:55:45 AM

Quote from: Swiss Guy on July 19, 2016, 04:36:35 AM

I was about to tell a joke that would make you laugh so hard it would cause brain damage and facial deformity, but I can see Grant already heard it.

ColoSwiss · **Reply #46 on:** July 19, 2016, 05:48:37 AM

Another reason the dog might not have liked Def.

lichan · **Reply #47 on:** July 19, 2016, 03:24:42 PM

Def was told to have success in the sack
What's important's the size of the tool that you pack.
So it was a habit of Grant's
To place a Leatherman Charge in his pants,
But he forgot it's in front not in back!

magentus · **Reply #48 on:** July 19, 2016, 03:42:17 PM

Quote from: lichan on July 19, 2016, 03:24:42 PM

Def was told to have success in the sack
What's important's the size of the tool that you pack.
So it was a habit of Grant's
To place a Leatherman Charge in his pants,
But he forgot it's in front not in back!

ColoSwiss · **Reply #49 on:** July 19, 2016, 06:58:18 PM

It was a year ago, September
a day Def well remembers
He was walking up and down
in drunken pride
when his knees began to flutter
and Def fell down in the gutter
and a pig came by and lay down by his side

As Def lay there in the gutter
thinking thoughts he could not utter
He thought he heard a passing lady say,
"You can tell a man who boozes
by the company he chooses..."
And with that, the pig got up and walked away

magentus · **Reply #50 on:** July 19, 2016, 11:22:12 PM

Another Haiku:

Canadian Man

Pictured in a bar giggling

His frock looks so fine

lichan · **Reply #51 on:** July 20, 2016, 11:02:58 PM

Def was on vacation and decided to visit a recreation of a vintage old west town. While in the working blacksmith's shop Def ventured over to where the smith was shaping some horseshoes. Curious, he picked up a red hot horseshoe and immediately dropped it. The blacksmith chuckled and said, "Burned yourself, didn't you?" "No," Def responded as nonchalantly as he could, "It just doesn't take me long to look at a horseshoe!"

daverobson · **Reply #52 on:** July 20, 2016, 11:26:13 PM

He's tried to keep it quiet but I found out that Def had a short lived job as a tank driver in the Canadian Army.

daverobson · **Reply #53 on:** July 20, 2016, 11:45:15 PM

After leaving the Army Def tried his luck in the Navy Reserve disguised with a false tache!

jerseydevil · **Reply #54 on:** July 21, 2016, 12:24:08 AM

Quote from: daverobson on July 20, 2016, 11:45:15 PM

After leaving the Army Def tried his luck in the Navy Reserve disguised with a false tache!

better than the pink wonder he has now.....

derekmac · **Reply #55 on:** July 21, 2016, 02:50:28 AM

Quote from: jerseydevil on July 21, 2016, 12:24:08 AM

Quote from: daverobson on July 20, 2016, 11:45:15 PM
After leaving the Army Def tried his luck in the Navy Reserve disguised with a false tache!

better than the pink wonder he has now.....

Real men use pink canoes.... That's why he bought a new one!

Alan K. · **Reply #56 on:** July 21, 2016, 08:49:32 AM

One day as Grant was heading to the pub he parked his Jeep right next to a big pile of fresh moose droppings. So he grabbed a big handful of the steaming pile, walked into the pub, and exclaimed, " Hey guys, look what I almost stepped in?"

Grant Lamontagne · **Reply #57 on:** July 22, 2016, 01:58:54 AM

And the winner is....

Quote from: detron on July 17, 2016, 08:35:28 AM

that is a great prize.

Grant has to get that bright of a light out of his house before Megan uses it to see how funny looking he truly is.

just kidding, love you boss

Congratulation Detron, although I'm not sure if that is more funny or true- or maybe it's funny because it's true!

Thanks everyone for playing- I had a great laugh reading all of these, and, as usual, it was very hard to pick one!

For the record though, I have no interest whatsoever in particular herbs- my mental state is all natural, as scary as that is!

Def

derekmac · **Reply #58 on:** July 22, 2016, 02:01:04 AM

Congrats big D!!

There were definitely some good ones this year!!

WoodsDuck · **Reply #59 on:** July 22, 2016, 03:49:59 AM

Congrats, Detron!

You funny smurf

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