Anger Management

[rp252]

  / /

I get angry sometimes, don't we all?  What I want to know is how you gals and guys control those fits of rage?  I know plenty of people who just fly off the hook and feel much better afterwards, and those that go on sulking for days on end.

Personally I like to take out the anger in the gym, on the squash court or playing rugby.  A punch bag is a great stress reliever as well.  Sometimes I drive or walk to an isolated beach and sit for a few hours writing and reading or just soaking up the solitude.  Long walks in the countryside have a similar effect.  I used to see red and fly off the handle; I'm very glad to say that's a thing of the past and I've matured past that.

What do you all do to work off the anger, or do you have a great way not to get angry at things in the first place?

[2xTap]

rp252,

Relieving stress is fairly easy....cigarettes and sex I find work best. But anger, that's a whole other story. It's a problem I have dealt with since my youth and is something not easy to relieve. The only way I have found to truely relieve anger is to take it out in physical punishment on the idiot that made me angry in the first place.

But.....nowadays such actions usually bring a jail sentence with them. So I keep it pent up as best I can until it subsides and becomes stress. Sometimes a wall takes a punch.......it's another thing why I have to try to contain it as I used to have a habit of damaging and breaking things in my effort to release the anger. So instead of hitting somebody I hit a object, and either break something or hurt myself in the process.

Anger is a tough one to deal with, and will likely be the reason I'll have a heart attack before I am 50!

2xTap

[Benner]

Taking 5 out and going for a smoke works for me.  As a Dr that probably isn't a good idea though ey. 

[Pacu]

I'm redheaded so a raging bull is always ready to exit the chute. Nothing like a little military service to work out not letting your anger take the best of you. Since everyone carries a gun or knife here in Texas most fits of rage are well contained before they start. No use ending up dead over something stupid like getting cut off in traffic.

Because i hold a grudge forever and i like being not in a state prison i usually just f with people ifin they make me angry.
Unplug the vlan cable to their computer, erase their widgets, move their stuff, push their keys behind a filing cabinet, ziptie their tools to the ceiling, hide a sensor tag in their toolbag.
 

It is sad how you can end up in jail for opening up a can of whoop @** these days.

[Medic82]

Hitting stuff always work. But lately I have gotten my anger out in the gym or by playing a war game like Modern Warfare 2 online and pretending that I am killing the dirt bag that made me angry.

For some years ago when I was out in the woods with some friends of mine and one of them pissed me off like hell, what did I do? I took my ax and chopped down a tree and that worked like a charm

[RaptorMan]

I state my opinion very loudly and then go outside for a smoke and a soda pop, so far it has done me well.

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

Good question, and I'd be keen to learn the answer too

The sleeping pills I'm on now seem to help take the edge of my anger (thank God) as there actually anti depressants (not that I get depressed) But in the past I've had counseling to try and find way's of curbing it

Thing is, I never really got angry until I was in my 20's anyway, and the counselor I had pointed the finger squarely at the fact that I'm a rescuer (usually of women) and that I had to curb that tendency if I was ever going to get back to normal

[ringzero]

The sleeping pills I'm on now seem to help take the edge of my anger (thank God) as there actually anti depressants (not that I get depressed) But in the past I've had counseling to try and find way's of curbing it
 

How's that insomnia, MickyD?  Pills helping?

I've suffered on and off with insomnia for most of my life.

I've tried pills, but they seem to work only for the short term.

Eventually, after a few weeks of taking sleeping pills, they become much less effective at making me sleep.

.

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

The ones I'm on now are called fluoxetine, and there technically anti depressants, so they suppress my mental agitation enough for me to get something approaching normal sleep, if only for 5-6 hours a night

Not a long term solution, but it's nice feeling almost human again  

[GraysonK]

My fuse is not nearly as short as it used to be.  And thanks to drugs and therapy I don't get honest to goodness angry very much anymore.  It's a little too close to the edge for my tender psyche.   But I find that exercise is the best way to deal with all kinds of things from anger to stress to plain old boredom.  If I do get angry at someone, I am absurdly direct.  I am not passive aggressive at all.  When I've reached the limit, then I blow.  I get very focused, very calm and tell them right then and there.  If I let it go and stew then it just gets worse for me and the person I'm angry with goes about their business, blissfully unaware that I'm mad and why.  That does me no good.  Going for a drive also helps.  It's not safe to be behind a wheel if you are raging so I'm forced to calm down so I don't risk hurting someone else. 

[nuphoria]

It is a very tough thing to deal with and often people don't even recognise the problem they have with it - good for you that you do rp, that's the important bit done.

For me personally, I grew up around a huge amount of anger and violence so unfortunately I learned that behaviour as a child which has affected me as an adult. I, like Kel have had help to make things easier and have come to understand the source of it which helps a lot. I still blow up at times but I'm better at trembling my lid instead of just flipping it! (I did nearly kill the postman yesterday though  )

It's a very individual problem really and my best advice is know yourself. Easier said than done my friend, but worth the journey
I think exercise is great for it as is sex, meditation or whatever your particular poison in moderation is at times, but really it's always going to come down to self exploration to determine what the hell your short fuse is all about.

[Styerman]

I was hell on wheels for fits of rage when I was younger , thankfully I have become more layedback with age . I guess I have just found that most things just aren't worth the nervous energy . I have also come to realize that anger does more damage to the vessel that contains it .

Chris

[Gadget Guy]

I'm from the "Bust A Spring" and get over it school! 

[Nightshade]

I quit smoking 6 years ago, and took up Kali / Arnis.  Now when the hate and anger wells up I head straight to the sparring floor. Being severely beaten about the cranium with bamboo sticks by a 62 year old, 5'2" Filipino instructor usually makes me forget about what made me angry.  Cerebral edema, the great pacifier.......  

[Nikos]

Kick boxing used to do it for me in the past but now I just don't have the time to go downtown just to let off the steam. So, now I usually just take a couple deep breaths, clench my teeth and fists, and walk away... Then go home or somewhere lonely, put a heavy/quick-riffed tune on and bang my head around for half an hour (usually more... ). I guess it's another take at Nightshade's cerebral edema technique, only with a sore neck as well... The bad news is when the first containment steps don't work...

[Hedge Kid]

Anger is a tricky beast to tame. I strongly believe that in order to tame anything you have to understand it. Looking at the reasons why you are getting so angry is the first step.

I've had my fair share of anger management issues and eventually had to give myself tools to overcome it. One that I use is to take five and say to myself "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." It's a little clichéd and I'm not religious at all but learning to choose your battles means that your anger doesn't just spiral out of control at every little bugbear.

Once you've chosen carefully what to get cross about, apply the following questions to it:
If I had a month left on the planet, would I still care?
Does it really matter? Really really matter?
Is the energy I would spend on being cross about it/changing it/smacking smurf out of them worth it in the long run?

Now it should have reduced to a manageable size where you can go for a run, shadow box, chop a weeks worth of logs or whatever gets the adrenaline out of your system.

Once you just have residual niggles left over, that fug that remains and colours the rest of your day...have a shower. Let the water relax your muscles and visualise the anger washing off you and down the plug hole. As you towel off the last of it, think of something that makes you happy - a simple joyful thing and smile. Keep smiling. It's very difficult to do two things at once and if you keep smiling and forcing yourself to think nice thoughts, you'll drive the dark ones away.

Sorry if all that sounds a little Mary Poppins...but it worked for me (after trying many many far less savoury methods!)

[nuphoria]

LIES 

...she beats me with a stick all the time...

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

LIES 

...she beats me with a stick all the time...

Kinky

[nuphoria]

LIES 

...she beats me with a stick all the time...

Kinky

Yes, when it's done with love 

[Nikos]

You should get one of those "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change those things I can and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I may have to kill because they piss me off!" sign...

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

LIES 

...she beats me with a stick all the time...

Kinky

Yes, when it's done with love 

[Hedge Kid]

LIES 

...she beats me with a stick all the time...

Kinky

You two are incorrigible.

 Now behave Nuph 

 

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

LIES 

...she beats me with a stick all the time...

Kinky

You two are incorrigible.

 Now behave Nuph 

 

Me? I'm pure as driven snow

[nuphoria]

COUGH *slush* COUGH

[hawkchucker]

Well I am the only one in the company who is banned from carrying a Maglight in thier truck. After I threw the third one at a car in Boston the insurance company stated they would not cover anymore claims against me. It actually is funny that I have the truck inspected and not allowing any light bigger than my G2.

So I guess thowing stuff at cars in Boston is how I  take care oif my anger management.

[Medic82]

Well I am the only one in the company who is banned from carrying a Maglight in thier truck. After I threw the third one at a car in Boston the insurance company stated they would not cover anymore claims against me. It actually is funny that I have the truck inspected and not allowing any light bigger than my G2.

So I guess thowing stuff at cars in Boston is how I  take care oif my anger management.

How about paint balls, not the gun but just the balls?

[NutSAK]

I go for a run, ride the bike a few miles, or take a trip to the range with whatever handgun I'm carrying.  I don't imagine that the target is the person I'm angry at, BTW.  I don't think that would be very healthy.... 

[GraysonK]

+1 Hedge Kid.  When I was younger, my dad jokingly told me he was going to get the Serenity Prayer tattooed on my forehead backward so I could read it when I looked in a mirror.  I was a really really angry kid.  Religious or not, it does serve to remind to pick your battles as you said.  And I do have a 'fridge magnet with the "hide the bodies" version.  

I'm still not great at choosing my battles, but I'm way better than I used to be.  The truest test of that, for me, is at work everyday.  Not just the crap that my boss pulls on a regular basis, but just the crap in general that I have to deal with.  And heaven help me, when we get a patient in who is very obviously being neglected or abused in some way.  Oddly enough, I've been told by my therapist and my father (who has been in healthcare way longer than I have) that it's ok and perfectly healthy to get angry.  They both told me that as long as I'm not allowing it to interfere with my work that it's ok because if I didn't get angry at that those situations then it was time to quit.  A powerful message for me.

And Hedge Kid, I don't think that sounds Mary Poppins at all (although what a visual that was )  It sounds like you've taken a lot of time to consider what you need and IMO, that's the really what it boils down to. 

IMO, Anger is a healthy emotion, in moderation.  Rage, on the other hand, is not.  I used to be full of that and had very little control over it.  Luckily, now I know why and very rarely have those moments anymore. 

[ecfiffer]

I'm redheaded so a raging bull is always ready to exit the chute. Nothing like a little military service to work out not letting your anger take the best of you. Since everyone carries a gun or knife here in Texas most fits of rage are well contained before they start. No use ending up dead over something stupid like getting cut off in traffic.

Because i hold a grudge forever and i like being not in a state prison i usually just f with people ifin they make me angry.
Unplug the vlan cable to their computer, erase their widgets, move their stuff, push their keys behind a filing cabinet, ziptie their tools to the ceiling, hide a sensor tag in their toolbag.
 

It is sad how you can end up in jail for opening up a can of whoop @** these days.

i like your thinking!!!!!  we have a few people that those ideas might help with 

[AHB]

and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I may have to kill because they piss me off!

Wise words, Nikos..