FREEBIE CONTEST!

[Fisting_Chili]

Ok, as a "Thank you" to this fine place for all of it's hospitality and help with my rookie questions, I'm offering up this.







"The illustrated Buck Knife is the Buck Summit Knife, a Buck/Whittaker collaboration, that features a 2 1/2" part serrated drop point blade made of 420HC stainless steel. The blade of this Buck knife has a notched thumb rest, and dual thumb studs for ambidextrous one hand opening. The translucent molded thermoplastic handle, 4 1/8" closed, comes with a blue anodized aluminum overlay, Buck/Whittaker logo, and liner locks. Components include a corkscrew, liner locking can/bottle opener, liner locking screwdriver, and a carabiner sized lanyard hole."

This knife is brand, spanking new.  I had an older one with a broken corkscrew and mailed it off to Buck and they sent me a brand new one. It just arrived today.  Thank you, Buck!  I hate to part with it, but you jerks     have got me on this newly discovered Spyderco fix and so I'm willing to cut it loose.  The blade on this knife is VERY sharp and aside from me wishing it had a belt clip, I love it.

Anyway, here are the terms of this contest....

I want all interested parties to write a short (no novellas please) story explaining how I became known as Fisting_Chili, LMAO!  Which ever story makes me laugh the hardest, will be the winner!   Let us see those creative minds at work!   Also, keep it clean, please.  This contest will run for one week.

Best of luck all and thanks again for all the help!

[jzmtl]

The first story came to mind isn't exactly public forum material... 

[cliosguy]

The first story came to mind isn't exactly public forum material... 

+

[donvito]

The first story came to mind isn't exactly public forum material... 

+

I was thinking the same

[M.TEX]

And I know someone on that "story" would end up with a huge pain and burn.... If fisting ain't enough you add
some chilli and you have the right combo...

[Dunc]

You were a bare knuckle fighter in a cold climate .

Dunc

[ba55man]

It all started on the set for the concert in the Rose Garden, the normal home of Portland’s basketball team on August 11 2006, the concert started at 7.30 with Mars Volta who entertained with there jazz enthused sound.

Then it was time for the Red Hot Chili Peppers to take to the stage, the one thing no one had taken into consideration was the size of the seats compared to the size of the average chilli fan, The band rocked and the crowd became frenzied and in one corner of the stadium a young reprobate was giving it large as he danced and grooved to Flea's hypnotic Bass sounds thundering around and around, and whilst in this hypnotic state the young man managed to punch and lay out eight people.

And to this day that man has been known as the "Fisting Chili" of Portland 2006.

I hear by rest my case unless M'lud has any further questions....

[nuphoria]

I'm biting my virtual tongue so hard, I think it's bleeding 

If I think of a clean alternative, I'll be back 

[John]

Ladies and gentlemen,welcome to madison square gardens for tonights hottest fight!

On my left weighing in at 2 million scovilles and fighting out of the Red "hot  chilli" corner lets hear a warm welcome for! FISTING-CHILI


In other words you were originally from Chille and a boxer your fight name is Fisting-chili  

[PyroJames]

You love chilli so much that you don't eat it a spoonful at a time but instead FISTFULS at a time.  (Imagine the gas you must have on a regular basis...)  You love fisting chilli into your mouth so much that your friends just call you "fisting chilli".

Either that, or you just like to start fist fights Chili's restaurants.

[Nikos]

Weird as that may be, you just love eating fish with chili. One of the times you were trying to order it, though, the waitress misheard "fisn-n-chili" as "fisting chili", at which point she gave you the looks and called security to throw you out of the shop. You've been known as the "fisting chili guy" ever since.

[Medic82]

you have fists made out of chili

[Pacu]

You are one of three brothers from a Shaolin Temple in Northern China. Stomping_Cheddar, Fisting_Chili and Tossing_Cookies. They each got their name from working in the kitchen to feed the massive horde of hungry villagers. Stomping_Cheddar would of course stomp the cheddar cheese with his bare hobbit-like hairy feet until it was of proper consistency for the chili. Fisting_Chili would use the power of his mange infested pus leaking fists to mix the chili in a large cauldron by the hearth. Tossing_Cookies got his name as he was the first to sample the noxious feast.

[M.TEX]

 Chinese proverb ....



"Man that scratch his "eyes" shouldn't handle chilli all day...."  


 OBS: he does it like in fisting motion...you got the picture....

[Mike]

Must ....... resist ....... must ....... fight ....... the ......... urge ......... to ......... post ........ ina ......... ppropriate ........ comments!

Mike

[Pacu]

i could come up with some pics from the far reaches of the internet....looks like chili......

[Fisting_Chili]

You all are cracking me up!  Keep'm coming!  Hope others are enjoying this as much as I am....so I don't feel so alone. 

Best regards,
FC

[SteveRacer]

I gave this the proper consideration,  and I only came up with two graphic [yet non-graphic] possibilities:








Or Perhaps . . .








I leave it to the humble viewer to decide...


-steve


P.S.  Using various internet image search engines with seemingly appropriate keywords yielded some results which were quite disturbing.  After several hours I decided to do something else ...

[Chako]

The loud crowd grew silent as they heard the door crack open. In walked a gnarled man hunched over . A loud gasp was heard as the menacing man walked across the dirty saloon floor.

Click thud….click Thud….CLICK THUD.

With each resounding thwack of his wooden leg, the crowed grew ever more fearful. They had heard that sound before. It had been a long time, but everyone remembered when they last heard that sound. Memories of boisterous Pirates and silent Ninjas wielding chocolate chip cookies in a fight to the death in this very same establishment resounded in their collective thoughts. That event had made headlines, and the person who slowly thumped his way to the bar was featured prominently in them, for he had saved the town in a most gruesome fashion..

Click Thud…click thud….CLICK THUD!

Hesitantly, a few brave hearty souls looked closer at the man as he slowly meandered his way to the front. “EGADS! IT IS HIM!!!” echoed through the room, as immediate recognition of THAT hat moved through the trembling crowd in a wave. Yes, that most dreadful of headwear was to be found angled jauntily across his pate…the Chicken Hat. The bar emptied itself in a cloud of dust that was stirred from the now soiled floor. 

Click Thud…Click Thud….click Thump!

The bartender turned and scowled quickly at the newcomer and at the loss of business.

“WHADYAWA”….WACK!!!

A single chili struck the bartender across the face so fast and sure, that the belligerent barkeeper fell immediately to the floor.  A flurry of movements and swishing sounds followed too quick for the casual observer to distinguish between them. Several more thuds could be heard…and then silence.
 
The lone man moved slowly around the bar and woke up the bartender. “Buddy, sorry but I had to protect you from immediate danger, and that was the quickest way to do it”.

The barkeeper looked around, and saw several dead Ninjas with bits of chili here and there. He averted his gaze for unspeakable things were afoot once again in his bar.

Groggily, the man asked his savior who he was. “I remember you from a few years ago when those Pirates and (pointing quickly and crossing himself like a good pious man) those Ninjas came to town. Why that was a mint chocolate chip disaster!"

The mysterious man waggles the feet dangling above his ears. With a quick flourish and a bit of showmanship, a card appeared out of nowhere. The bartender goes a paler shade of pale.





They call me Fisting_Chili…




[To be continued next week when Fisting_Chili finds himself in the hot sauce after the Pirates and Ninjas brokered a deal of partnership. Will our hero find himself in the batter, or will he triumph in the face of all that is minty and chocolaty.]

[Chako]

Guess I could be called a topic killer. 

Sorry. 

[Fisting_Chili]

Guess I could be called a topic killer. 

Sorry. 

Haha, dead but hopefully not forgotten...

[John]

Ahh! I got it now  you came by your name because you were caught smuggling chillies "where the sun dont shine" in a Mexican jail  hence fisting chili    painful 

[nelly1974]

 you use to date Chilli from the girl band TLC and one day she pissed you off and you went all Chris Brown on her behind.

[Cameron Berges]

My vote would be for Pacu or John  .  And following in a similar vein as John's post, I give you "Fisting Chili: The True Story of Lucha Libre's Dark Knight".



In the darkened alleys of Chihuahua, Mexico there is one luchadore who strikes fear in the hearts of fellow wrestlers and street thugs alike.  He goes by the name Fisting Chili.

With luck, you may catch a glimpse of him stalking the dark corners of Chihuahua's streets.  With his fiery red-caped jumpsuit and bright green mask, you'd think he would be hard to miss.  But Fisting Chili is an elusive and mysterious figure; he appears in the corner of your eye but vanishes when you turn to look at him.  This is not to say that none have seen him up close.  No my friends, that is far from the truth.  I tell you, there are many mournful souls in Chihuahua's seedy underground that have crossed paths with this shadowy wraith.  Certainly, no one could forget an encounter with the fiery Dark Knight of Chihuahua, hard as they may try.

Whether in the illegal rings of Chihuahua's underground Lucha Libre circuit or on the violent streets above, Fisting Chili is a terror to behold.  On the streets at night, thugs and bandits draw back in fear as he passes.  Hawkers gather up their stolen goods and run, gangsters throw down their guns, theives fall to their knees, and rapists cry for mercy.  Any foul dead that is witnessed by his baleful gaze is punished with a thrashing so violent it can be heard at the other end of the city.  Many a street scum has gone mad or given up his wicked ways out of fear for Fisting Chili's terrible retribution.

During wrestling matches he slips in unseen and flies up to the mat, where he remains undefeated to this day.  It is not uncommon for his opponent to flee in terror at the sight of his approach.  His bouts never make it past the first round, so great is his wrestling mastery!  And his signature finishing move leaves a scar in the mind of all who witness it.

Both in the ring and out, Fisting Chili is perhaps best know for this horrifying coup de grâce.  Luchadores and street thugs alike live in terror of this inevitable conclusion.  Upon pinning his opponent, Fisting Chili slathers his mighty right arm in habanero oil and dusts it with red hot chili flakes.  I shall not describe for you the events that follow, so hideous are they to behold!  But I tell you in earnest my friends, every time the Fisting Chili brings out his oil and chili flakes, the angels in heaven above cry tears of great sadness for a fortnight.

The following day, it is easy to spot his defeated opponents.  Their bent-over, shuffling waddle and pained expressions tell the gruesome story.  This is where the famous Chihuahuan saying comes from: "None that stand in His presence shall stand the next day."

[cerbera147]

[To be continued next week when Fisting_Chili finds himself in the hot sauce after the Pirates and Ninjas brokered a deal of partnership. Will our hero find himself in the batter, or will he triumph in the face of all that is minty and chocolaty.]

I loved your story Chako 

Can't wait for the next installment  who would have thought those Pirates and Ninjas would see eye to eye 

[Swiss Man]

[To be continued next week when Fisting_Chili finds himself in the hot sauce after the Pirates and Ninjas brokered a deal of partnership. Will our hero find himself in the batter, or will he triumph in the face of all that is minty and chocolaty.]

I loved your story Chako 

Can't wait for the next installment  who would have thought those Pirates and Ninjas would see eye to eye 

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. 

[Fisting_Chili]

Tonight at 10:30pm, the contest ends, so hurry up and get your stories in if your interested!!
Best regards,

FC

[Fisting_Chili]

Alright, time to announce the winner!

My favorite story of the whole bunch, though there were a number that had me rofl and it was a close race, was Pacu's story about the three brothers, Stomping_Cheddar, Fisting_Chili and Tossing_Cookies!  That had me and my wife rolling!  Special mention has to go to ba55man for keeping it local, Chako for the great chicken hat illustrations, and Cameron for such detail.

Congrats Paco!  PM me your info and I'll get that out to you this week.
Thanks for all who contributed!

[John]

Congrats Pacu a worthy winner 

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

Good on all you guys