I wasn't going to post, because I'm the odd man out, however if it was me I wouldn't have put the dog down, the value of life is too high.
That dog trusts you, and if it was someone in my family who had cancer I wouldn't put them down so why should it be different in this case.
I'm not telling you what you should have done but I'm trying to give perspective if there is a next time.
You still had time to spend with your dog and it might have been in pain but it could have also been really happy at the same time by being with you.
You are absolutely correct.
However...
When my old dog Pete had cancer we decided that as long as he was enjoying himself we weren't going to do it. There were several times we took him in because it looked like he wasn't enjoying himself, but the ride in the car was enough to energize him, and each time he came back home with us.
When it was finally his time, he went on his own, but since then I have been wracked with guilt that maybe I should have done it sooner and spared him a lot of pain and suffering. Watching him slowly starve no matter how much food he ate, watching the muscle mass deteriorate until he could no longer move.... it was horrible. Through it all he kept smiling that big headed smile of his, and his tail never stopped wagging, but even so, I have to wonder if maybe I should have spared him all of that.
That's a regret I'll have until my dying day, but I guarantee you this- if I had done it sooner I'd have regretted doing that too. Second guessing yourself is part of the penance you live with, no matter what decision you made. But, you have to make the decision, one way or the other. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer- there are too many coulda shoulda wouldas involved.
Dale man, I feel for you. The worst is yet to come though buddy- when you start to think you are feeling better but then you come across a toy under the couch, or you realize you are still stepping over her even though she isn't there you will feel it hit you all over again.
I've never told anyone this, but I broke out crying at the movie Ted. Yup, the CG bear movie with Marky Mark and the guy that did Family Guy. My husky Chinook had passed some time before we went to see the movie, but the death scene where Ted is ripped apart- well, there was a point where Ted's muzzle reminded me so much of Chinook that I couldn't take it. I managed to keep it in until we got in the car (thankfully it was the end of the movie) but I bawled all the way home.
I don't envy you one bit man. This is going to be rough. All I can say is we are here for you, although it probably won't help much.
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