Sometimes life just kicks you in the nuts even when you are expecting it

[Smashie]

 

I don’t know why I am writing this here, probably because I have enough of talking to faceless officials today and I suspect many here will understand.

15 years ago my father was diagnosed with diabetes, not a big deal with insulin and monitoring. 2009 he was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. I had to spend a long time reading about this and to be honest in 5 years I still don’t really understand it. Add into that prostrate problems, urine infections and we have had some worrying times on occasion.

November last year my mum started getting absent minded, forgetting what she was doing, not finishing sentences. Not a real problem, my stubborn father, in a wheelchair, looked after her with the help of my sister and my wife. It later turned to be vascular dementia (something else I had to look up because no one would give a simple answer in English). There’s a test they give which has 30 questions and she scored 6.

Last night I get a call from a neighbour that the paramedics are at my parents house and I should get over ASAP. I did and I was met by a paramedic I’ve met the last few times my dad has taken a turn.
He, like my father and myself are former British armed forces and he told me that my father had passed away at least two hours before they were called. After all the drama of the last few years, he passed away in his sleep, sitting at the kitchen table, tv on and a glass of beer.

I haven’t slept since Monday night, I spent all night with my mum following her round the house and telling her there was nothing more she could have done. I went home this morning for a shower and change of clothes and I had to tell my son (2 years and 9 months) that he wouldn’t see his grandfather again. I lost it at that point. I’ve spoken to wives, girlfriends, parents etc that my comrade and in some cases friend has been killed and it has never affected me like this before.

Oh and to the two market research/telemarketers that called today, I’m very sorry for being rude and using offensive language, but I hope I never meet you in person!
Rambling over
Mark
 

[Sweety-Sama]

My sincere condolence! This really is nothing you want to have to live through.
And don't feel sorry for the telemarketers.
I wish you and your family all well.


-----------------------------

First and only

[RT1969]

This is tough, hang in there.

The hardest part will be to care for your mother while mourning for your father. These were the most important people for you at the beginning of your life so this hurts. It hurts a lot.
But you have a right to mourn, to feel down and I am sure everyone will understand that. Take the time you need for your family.
And after some time, it may be comforting to know that your dad went peaceful, enjoying a good english ale!

[Toolslinger]

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a family member or friend is hard and just plain sucks.

If there is anything I have learned from losing family/friends it's that grieving is natural and necessary. How we do it is personal and varies from person to person. Take your time to work through it. You can't change the past, but you can eventually be at peace with it.

[Mike, Lord of the Spammers!]

I'm so sorry for your loss mate

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[Steinar]

My condolences. I hope writing here helps a little for you. We're here, at least.

[Grathr]

Im sorry for your loss.


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[MadPlumbarian]

I'm so sorry! When my grandfather passed I tried to hold it back, rather then to let it out, that was until at his funeral, and they did the three-volley salute, I lost it! I think worse then my wife, ever since then anytime one of service passes I shed a tear for them even though I don't know them, again I'm so sorry! JR

[Chako]

My deepest sympathies Mark. It is never easy to lose a parent. 

Just be sure to take care of yourself. Your family needs you, and especially your mother...so try to get some sleep.

Yeah, when I lost both of my parents, I had to work and didn't take any time off to sit around the house, because I knew that if I did that, I would wallow in self pity and sorrow. I kept myself super busy. I did lose the sensation of my hands after my father passed away though for a period of around a month. It freaked me out and only realized later that it was grief related.

[kirk13]

I'm so very sorry Smashie,my thoughts are with you.

[ducttapetech]

Sorry for lose man.

that's us mobile

[J-sews]

My sincere condolences Mark, what a rough time this must be for you.

[Grant Lamontagne]

I read this on my phone while I was at work earlier, and I didn't want to respond on my phone- I wanted to be near a keyboard so that when I thought of something worth saying I could type it out a lot easier and no suffer from autosmurfup.

Now that I sit at a keyboard I have the ability to type (more or less) without typos, and I still have nothing worthwhile to say.  I don't imagine words could mean anything at a time like this.  Just know that you have friends here if you need them, and we have lots of server resources if you want to talk, vent or post pictures of silly animals wearing clothing.

We look after our own here, and we are all here if and when you need us.  There's no shame in breaking down with your friends, especially if it helps you stay strong the rest of the time for your family.

Def

[derekmac]

So so sorry for your loss.


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[jerseydevil]

Very sorry for your loss.  If you need to ramble to or rant at someone, you know where to find us.

[Roc]

Very sorry for your loss.

[hrvstmn31]

My condolences smashie I know what it's like to watch a parent fade away and die. My mother hadn't even made it to 40 when she passed in 2011 so hopefully your father had a long full life since many of us on this earth won't be so lucky. Oh and hopefully the telemarketers weren't for your father it's sucks having some guy in India your loved one is dead for the next few months. Anyway do what I told my sister and my family be happy because no matter where they are and no matter where they are hopefully they're happy and no longer in pain and as your pain there's a reason Charlie Mopps is so famous just remember moderation or you'll end up like my mom.

[Aloha]

Smashie I am so very sorry to hear about your dad.  My deepest sympathies to you and to all those who love him.  Be strong and take care of yourself during this time. A huge hug from my family goes out to you and your family.  We are here for you should you need us.   

[Lynn LeFey]

I'm really sorry to hear this.

I'm also really terrible (I think) at knowing what to say. I would love to say something meaningful, maybe insightful, and in any case comforting, but what I want to say is...

It sucks. Feeling powerless. Knowing that someone you love is gone, and there's nothing you can do about it. And maybe worse, that one day we'll follow, and there's nothing we can do about THAT, either. It sucks, regardless of our age, feeling like we're kind of orphaned, like that full burden of adulthood is pressed upon us, and we don't have the wisdom of our parents to fall back on.

It sucks knowing those people who have been there for us since we had enough mind to KNOW anything... are gone. That one relationship that was so permanent is over, stolen by the relentless march of time, and that horrible monster that is mortality. That one of the only people that may ever truly be able to give us unconditional love have left us forever.

And no amount of fond memories comes close to what they were when they were alive.

I am so sorry.

I wish I could say something comforting, but I think any attempt would just sound trite and stupid. All I can say is I recently lost someone I loved, and maybe have some small inkling of how you feel.

I wish I could pass you a cold beer through the computer and commiserate with you properly. 

I hope I don't come across as an ass in this post.

[82brutus]

My deepest sympathies and condolences to you and your family Smashie.  Hang in there, we're here for you!

[Bensasupertool]

My thoughts and feelings are with you. Im sorry for your loss.

[PTRSAK]

Deepest condolences.

[Smashie]

Thanks guys, I knew this was the right place to talk.

I guess sometimes you need a place to get things of your chest and family aren't always the right people.

M:)

[lowtech]

I´m at a loss for words, but my thoughts are with you.
I hope it helps to vent here and if not, nobody will have hard feelings if you drop out for a while.
Take your time and I hope things will calm down eventually.

[kirk13]

Thanks guys, I knew this was the right place to talk.

I guess sometimes you need a place to get things of your chest and family aren't always the right people.

M:)

Smashie,WE are family mate.

Well,the slightly eccentric part of the family that doesn't always get invited to the party,but family for all that.

[enki_ck]

Very sorry to read this, my sincere condolences.