So, any great one line jokes? Such as...

AimlessWanderer · **Reply #120 on:** September 26, 2014, 02:26:24 PM

I've never been superstitious - touch wood

AimlessWanderer · **Reply #121 on:** September 26, 2014, 02:26:51 PM

Next season's colours are going to be pink, yellow and brown ... according to Neopolitan magazine

AimlessWanderer · **Reply #122 on:** September 26, 2014, 02:27:44 PM

What do you mean it's illegal? How would you know? You think illegal is a sick bird

AimlessWanderer · **Reply #123 on:** September 26, 2014, 02:28:36 PM

(When arguing with a drunk friend/partner) You see, that's what happens when you drink on an empty head!

AimlessWanderer · **Reply #124 on:** September 26, 2014, 02:31:53 PM

The local shop got raided and 20kg of carrots and 400 cigarettes were taken. Police are looking for a rabbit with a bad cough

The local police station got broken into a week later, and all the toilet seats were stolen. The police are saying they have nothing to go on

Only last night the local pharmacy got done over, and all the Smurfpills was taken. CCTV has revealed two men carried out the raid, and they have been described by police as hardened criminals

AimlessWanderer · **Reply #125 on:** September 26, 2014, 02:34:33 PM

Does virgin wool come from ugly sheep?

pfrsantos · **Reply #126 on:** September 26, 2014, 04:15:54 PM

A small 2 seat aircraft crashed yesterday in a nearby graveyard. So far the rescue teams have recovered 284 bodies.

enki_ck · **Reply #127 on:** September 26, 2014, 07:22:13 PM

Quote from: 50ft-trad on September 26, 2014, 02:34:33 PM

Does virgin wool come from ugly sheep?

scattergun13 · **Reply #128 on:** September 26, 2014, 11:39:06 PM

Quote from: pfrsantos on September 26, 2014, 04:15:54 PM

A small 2 seat aircraft crashed yesterday in a nearby graveyard. So far the rescue teams have recovered 284 bodies.

This was EPIC!!!

JBW1 · **Reply #129 on:** January 05, 2020, 07:46:22 AM

This thread needs to be brought back for 2020!

I just finished a book on anti gravity.
I couldn’t put it down

JBW1 · **Reply #130 on:** January 05, 2020, 07:49:01 AM

What kind of socks do bears wear???

None ya jerk! They go bearfoot...

JBW1 · **Reply #131 on:** January 05, 2020, 07:50:21 AM

What’s the biggest nation in the world?

ImagiNATION....

Syncop8r · **Reply #132 on:** January 05, 2020, 09:12:49 AM

I just quit my job in the helium factory - I wasn't going to be talked to in that tone of voice.

Syncop8r · **Reply #133 on:** January 05, 2020, 09:14:29 AM

My grandfather was ill in hospital. The doctors spread lard all over his back. After that he went downhill quite quickly.

Syncop8r · **Reply #134 on:** January 05, 2020, 09:30:33 AM

My wife said "You weren't even listening, were you?" and I thought "That's a funny way to start a conversation...".

Syncop8r · **Reply #135 on:** January 05, 2020, 09:32:20 AM

I accidentally handed my wife superglue instead of lip balm the other day. She's still not talking to me...

Fuzzbucket · **Reply #136 on:** January 05, 2020, 11:53:25 AM

What kind of loaf can you get on Shetland/ Falklands/ Norfolk?

Inbred.

JBW1 · **Reply #137 on:** January 05, 2020, 04:00:34 PM

Quote from: Syncop8r on January 05, 2020, 09:14:29 AM

My grandfather was ill in hospital. The doctors spread lard all over his back. After that he went downhill quite quickly.

chip · **Reply #138 on:** January 05, 2020, 04:08:50 PM

I found out yesterday one of my friends had been taken to hospital with a vacuum cleaner up his butt.
I rang the hospital today and the doctor said he was picking up well.

Kev D · **Reply #139 on:** January 06, 2020, 04:59:51 PM

I saw an ad in a shop window for a 4k Ultra HD TV for £1 - volume stuck on full blast. I couldn't turn it down

JBW1 · **Reply #140 on:** January 06, 2020, 05:51:31 PM

Quote from: Kev D on January 06, 2020, 04:59:51 PM

I saw an ad in a shop window for a 4k Ultra HD TV for £1 - volume stuck on full blast. I couldn't turn it down

JBW1 · **Reply #141 on:** January 06, 2020, 07:33:30 PM

Mitch Hedburg;

I have a vest. But if I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.

A fly was very close to be called a “land” because that’s what they do most of the time.

JBW1 · **Reply #142 on:** January 06, 2020, 07:45:52 PM

-To the one legged man in camouflage that stole my wallet: You can hide but you can’t run!

Kev D · **Reply #143 on:** January 06, 2020, 08:29:35 PM

My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk

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So, any great one line jokes? Such as...

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