Loners?

[spudley112]

I am just curious if there are others out there that are loners? Do you prefer life single? Are you super comfortable with being your own company? Do you prefer the quiet solitude of living alone?

I was married for 16 years and then divorced. After that, I did some dating then was in another relationship that lasted about 4 years. After hitting the dating scene again I realized that I was always pushing myself to be in a relationship, and when not doing THAT, I had to be Mr. Social. I came to an epiphany that I had never been able to just be on my own and work on myself, because I felt some need to be with others...but truthfully...it is not a NEED...it was just a desire to do that.

I stepped back and did some healthy focusing on myself and realized that I seemed MUCH happier on my own. I enjoy my quiet time, doing my own thing without being on someone else's schedule, not constantly worrying about companionship and just generally living my own life.

I retire in September and will be moving to Arizona. Once moved, I will be spending the rest of my viable days of life on my Harley, traveling as many roads as I possibly can. I want to see what the trappers called, "The Beast." The Beast was the unknown, undefined thing over the next hill that they felt the call to go see. It was something they would see for the first time. It was the desire to keep moving, searching and enjoying life. Despite the fact that I have had a friends try to pair me up with another, or interested females that have asked to go out, I have proudly stated that I prefer my life as it is. I am satisfied and I feel like my journey would be unfair to someone at home waiting for me to return. Ahhh life is good.

[Max Stone]

That’s a tough one. As an only child I can get along just fine with my own company. But being married for 20 years with a 12yo son changed my responsibilities. There’s certainly an attraction to heading off with no one to answer for. But sharing experiences is something I enjoy doing, guess that’s why I’m active on this forum. Just promise to send us pics of your new adventures in Arizona. You’ll always have friends here that won’t be asking you to wash the dishes...   

[Chako]

I know I am an introvert, and that is at odds with my job description of standing in-front of large crowds everyday and instructing them along curricular lines. But I do like my alone time, and actually need it to recharge my batteries so to speak. My girlfriend is also my neighbour. That has worked out better than we both could have imagined. I go to work, and then stop in next door and spend a few hours there, but ultimately I go back to my home to have my alone time at night. This has worked so well for the two of us that we haven't had a bad argument, and we have been seeing each other for 6 years now.

Nothing wrong with being lonely, or alone at times. However, that is death for an extrovert. Just saying.

[Gerhard Gerber]

I'm definitely an introvert to start with, always had few friends and was good with my own company.
Bad taste in women or bad timing even when I didn't pick a looser, so no long relationships.
I was lonely in my early 30's, SHTF in my career with the first retrenchment and loneliness was quickly replaced with thankfulness I didn't have a family to support. Due to the politics of the day, if I had kids their skin colour would disqualify them from 80% of jobs, the few that there are.

I joked about my ideal job being a lighthouse keeper, but in recent years I really started question how well I would cope being isolated.
People cause 90% of my problems, be that with how they drive, or their petty political BS at work and elsewhere, but I've also watched Alone, and if I was that special that I don't need human companionship, I'd be in the wilderness already.
This leads to my conundrum, I could take a job managing a farm, it sounds like heaven but I honestly don't know if I'd adapt.

I'm a loner for sure, just don't know the dgree.... 

[Aloha]

Ahhh alone vs loneliness.  Solitary yet amongst society. 

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion."

— Henry David Thoreau.

I love this.  It have been one of my driving forces.  Now, I must also say, its also what Ellery Channing told Thoreau, "Go out upon that, build yourself a hut, & there begin the grand process of devouring yourself alive."

Richard Louis Proenneke for those that know his story is also someone who I smile when thinking about.  While many these days dream to do what Dick has done it may not be practical.  We can however make time to go into the great wild outdoors from time to time to recharge and reconnect to our wild/restless natures.  I've said for years, go out to your backyard for goodness sake.  Take your shoes off and walk in the dirt.  You don't have to pack up and check out, its just not practical for some.  Take a small trip somewhere other than the city.  Connect with nature, sleep under the stars, swim in a body of water, and cook by fire outside. 

Its amazing the introspection, the smallness we feel within this rock we live on, the connectivity when we disconnect, the peace that happens.  For those who watched the show Alone, you hear this all the time. 

   

[spudley112]

Thank you for sharing that!

I think being alone in an emotionally healthy way is the understanding that you can be with others if you CHOOSE to, not because you feel it is an emotional imperative. I used to get genuine anxiety if I spent too much time on my own. It took willpower and self analysis to change this about myself. At this point, my companion in life is a 2014 Harley Davidson Ultra Limited...haha.

[AimlessWanderer]

As a lifelong single person (never been in a full relationship, and don't want to be), for the most part I have the luxury of choice. I can choose when I want to be in the presence of friends and family, and when I want to be alone. The notion of being in perpetual compromise, and my agenda to some extent always working around the needs of someone else, is not something that appeals. That sounds selfish, but it's more to do with being in tune with my own needs. Much of my life was spent in the midst of a crowd, be it at work in machine shops, the boatyard I ran, the stage society I was heavily involved with, or the regular crowd I went out soSmurfpillsing with, There was always time for me though. And if there wasn't, I'd cancel something to make time.

Since I stopped working three (?) years ago, I have spent more time alone than I have at any other point in my life. Loneliness is not something I often feel though. Since 1999 I have always gone on holiday alone, and when I could, I often went walking alone. In the classic sense of introvertion, I can be sociable, but I find it draining, and need my alone time to recharge. Since I got ill, I find it much more draining, and it takes me longer to recover. Even phonecalls can be exhausting. I do like spending time with friends and family, but in small doses, and I need plenty of time to recover before the next exposure.

I'm just really glad that I never had kids. I love love being an uncle, and spending time with my neices, but they always get handed back after a few hours, and I walk away. I wouldn't be comfortable with being a parent. I don't even want to look after a fish in a bowl, never mind a dependent human being. I enjoy having the choice of company or solitude, and I go a bit stir crazy if I've been in someone else's company for too long.

[spudley112]

AW - I totally get it. That is where I am now. I do wish I had reached that point earlier in life. I used to feel lonely...but I cannot even remember what that is like anymore. The funny thing is, when you are alone, people seem uncomfortable with it for some reason. I have people tell me, "You will meet someone, someday." I don't want to...really...but they seem to not believe that. I also frequently get friends trying to introduce me to someone. I am up front right away in telling them I have absolutely no desire for companionship. I am not antisocial...I am just no longer investing in other people...just myself.

[AimlessWanderer]

AW - I totally get it. That is where I am now. I do wish I had reached that point earlier in life. I used to feel lonely...but I cannot even remember what that is like anymore. The funny thing is, when you are alone, people seem uncomfortable with it for some reason. I have people tell me, "You will meet someone, someday." I don't want to...really...but they seem to not believe that. I also frequently get friends trying to introduce me to someone. I am up front right away in telling them I have absolutely no desire for companionship. I am not antisocial...I am just no longer investing in other people...just myself.

Yup. Some folks don't understand "I'm free, but not available"

I've had a couple of people who've tried to play matchmaker, and when they've introduced me to someone they're trying to hook me up with, I explain to the new person, while the matchmaker is still present, that we're both being toyed with, and "X" is trying to pair us up, when I have no intentions of being paired with anyone. That takes all the heat off me, and dumps it right back in the lap of the one that's interfering. They don't do that more than twice! It has however led to some pleasant evenings, once all the tension and expectation has been dispensed with.

[Mechanickal]

I'm not a loner...

I love a good chat or some general blabber.
I met my wife aged 20, and married her last summer after being together for 8 years, of which we lived 5 together at that time.

However...

She knows I need "me" time.
She knows I sometimes turn to myself and block everything and anything.

She works weekends or late nights while I work dayshifts from Monday to Friday.
She knows I enjoy my evenings alone with the cat

So no, I'm not a loner, but I need alone time to stay sane and relaxed.

I was blessed to find someone who... Well no, maybe she doesn't understand but she doesn't make anything out of it either.

So basically, I think I know how you guys must feel. But on the other end, I also know how it feels to become lonely.
I guess I'm somewhere in the middle...

[PTRSAK]

I don't do "lonely" but I certainly do "alone".
I guess I might be considered selfish to some extent by those on the extroverted end of the spectrum.

I'm not antisocial, but I'm not very actively social either.

I'm going on holiday in a week's time for a three week 900+Km cycle tour... solo. Did similar last year and while I did meet a group of 4 other old guys with whom I rode for several days, I enjoyed the days with just me and my bike alone in the middle of nowhere the most.
I've also travelled to Canada, UK and Bali on my own.

Relationship-wise, I think something like what Chako describes is the perfect situation. Somewhere between a girlfriend and a partner. Committed, monogamous but still retaining much of the independence.

[comis]

Ahhh alone vs loneliness.  Solitary yet amongst society. 

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion."

— Henry David Thoreau.

I love this.  It have been one of my driving forces.  Now, I must also say, its also what Ellery Channing told Thoreau, "Go out upon that, build yourself a hut, & there begin the grand process of devouring yourself alive."

Richard Louis Proenneke for those that know his story is also someone who I smile when thinking about.  While many these days dream to do what Dick has done it may not be practical.  We can however make time to go into the great wild outdoors from time to time to recharge and reconnect to our wild/restless natures.  I've said for years, go out to your backyard for goodness sake.  Take your shoes off and walk in the dirt.  You don't have to pack up and check out, its just not practical for some.  Take a small trip somewhere other than the city.  Connect with nature, sleep under the stars, swim in a body of water, and cook by fire outside. 

Its amazing the introspection, the smallness we feel within this rock we live on, the connectivity when we disconnect, the peace that happens.  For those who watched the show Alone, you hear this all the time. 

This is so true.  I am thankful one of my lifelong pursuit is photography, that give me plenty of chance to go out and 'recharge'.  There's an unspeakable sense of exuberance whenever I am shooting a sunset or sunrise, while breaking in that cold crisp fresh air.

I retire in September and will be moving to Arizona. Once moved, I will be spending the rest of my viable days of life on my Harley, traveling as many roads as I possibly can. I want to see what the trappers called, "The Beast." The Beast was the unknown, undefined thing over the next hill that they felt the call to go see. It was something they would see for the first time. It was the desire to keep moving, searching and enjoying life. Despite the fact that I have had a friends try to pair me up with another, or interested females that have asked to go out, I have proudly stated that I prefer my life as it is. I am satisfied and I feel like my journey would be unfair to someone at home waiting for me to return. Ahhh life is good.

I remembered we briefly talked about Teton in another thread, and how I love that place.  Arizona too has some of the most majestic landscape to experience, and it is without a doubt I am sure you will love it there.

[Aloha]

Spectacular pic comis.     

[spudley112]

Grand Tetons is still in the plan this summer!

[comis]

Spectacular pic comis.     

Thank you!  Grand Canyon receives a lot of visitors each year, but if you are willing to get up way early during the fall-winter months, it is not that difficult to get a front row seat. 

[comis]

Grand Tetons is still in the plan this summer!

[spudley112]

Basically, I will be in Arizona for a month getting things set up for my arrival, then David and I are leaving there and heading to Wyoming. We'll part ways on the way back in Denver and I will head home to get loaded up for the move. I convinced my folks they needed to take a vacation out to Arizona around that time. It will be one of those, "Hey, this is going to be a great vacation for you....by the way, would you mind loading a few boxes in your car for me?" haha.