The stupidity thread

[bmot]

This is from now on, the place to post things about which you don't know if you should laugh, or feel sad about humanity... Lets try to keep the laughing part up a bit





And, posted before, but still:

[Sweety-Sama]

it's sad such people even exists... ^^;


-----------------------------

^_^

[Etherealicer]

  Though stupidity is not a new phenomenon... Remeber the good old "Computer Hotline"-stories from before the internet???

Tech Support: What's the problem?
Customer: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech Support: You'll need a new power supply.
Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech Support: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup files and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that they are right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech Support: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
Customer: I knew it!
Tech Support: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
Ten minutes later.
Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech Support: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
Customer: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech Support: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
One hour later.
Customer: I need a new power supply.
Tech Support: How did you come to that conclusion?
Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech Support: Then what did he say?
Customer: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

And my ALL TIME FAVORITE

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
 
"Went away?"
 
"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
 
"Nothing."
 
"Nothing?"
 
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
 
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
 
"How do I tell?"
 
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
 
"What's a sea-prompt?"
 
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
 
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
 
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
 
"What's a monitor?"
 
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
 
"I don't know."
 
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
 
....."Yes, I think so."
 
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
 
....."Yes, it is."
 
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
 
"No."
 
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

....."Okay, here it is."
 
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
 
"I can't reach it."
 
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
 
"No."
 
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
 
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
 
"Dark?"
 
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
 
"Well, turn on the office light then."
 
"I can't."

"No? Why not?"
 
"Because there's a power outage."
 
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
 
"Well, yes. I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
 
"Really! Is it that bad?"
 
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
 
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
 
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[CanadianLMfan]

 

[Chako]

A classic.

[jerseydevil]

I mentioned this earlier in the random thoughts thread.  A contractor's helper needed to clean out brushes that had been used for oil based deck stain.  Instead of using a bucket, he decided that paint thinner and the pond on the property would work fine.  The koi in the pond didn't react too well to the thinner..... 

[captain spaulding]

I mentioned this earlier in the random thoughts thread.  A contractor's helper needed to clean out brushes that had been used for oil based deck stain.  Instead of using a bucket, he decided that paint thinner and the pond on the property would work fine.  The koi in the pond didn't react too well to the thinner..... 

Oh geez.... Don't people use there brains anymore. 

[ironraven]

 
 


My customers make a career out of screwing up paper work that was designed so it could be used by 3rd graders, and since they just can't be bothered to not smurf in their own cereal, well, the feds don't give them subsidy checks. Which is apparently my fault. Just like when they ignore screening results, decide that someone has a trust worthy face, and besides, he's older now, how much danger could drug dealer with two murder convictions be to a building where two thirds of the households have kids, but I'm mean because I won't override their boss' decision to deny tenancy and I'm a bigot when I suggest they ask their boss if moving this person in would be a bad idea. Or they don't want to charge someone $666 dollars a month to live an apartment with fair market potential of $2000 a month, becuase they are afraid of that number. Or the people who think HUD should have paid them more for that person becuase they are so nice and they have a really cute baby.

Oh, and when they get the notice saying they need to pay their annual service fees, and that they've been told this for 90 days so if they don't pay up in 30 we're locking their database, they think it's a virus. Or when they run out of printer paper. Or when the software doesn't automagically guess what report they want and run it for them before they get to work. Or when this report in the form of a 25 page PDF takes more than 20 seconds to generate and load from our servers, well, of course there is something wrong with our servers and don't they know how inconvient it is to to have to call us up when it isn't instant, don't we know they they are three months late on these reports they have to have to the state at the first of the year and they want to talk to their sales rep, no, a member of the board becuase they don't think they should have to pay for our horrible software since it lets them get in trouble like that.

And that doesn't even include the environmental issues. Like using Chrome- I'm sorry, but the service is IE only, it's been that way for a very long time, back to 2004, FOUR SMURFING YEARS BEFORE CHROME!! No, I can't change it for you. No, you can't use it on your ipad. I don't care if you love Word Perfect and you've been using it for 20 years, we output data as XML, DOC, XLS, CSV and PDF depending on the data. NO, you can't change the color of the dialog boxes, I don't care what your corporate color scheme is. I'm sorry you're out of toner, but I'm not your IT guy- call you IT guy. Or pull out the empty cartridge, go to staples, look stupid and scared with it in your hands and a nice young person in a red or black polo shirt will be along to save you from your well deserved fate of standing there with wet socks in a small pond of your own pee.

When they do have IT guys, they have that guy, from the video. No, I'm not going to send them source code. No, I'm not going to tell them who our other customers are so they can set up a work group with their IT people= call your sales rep, maybe they can make something happen. And I love when some snot nosed little punk tries to lecture me and gets his kidnies in a knot when the only response I have to him is your employeer is paying a hell of a lot of money for this service, and if you don't stop blocking our servers you're wasting your bosses money and I don't care if your mommy owns the projects, set it up the way I tell you or it is never going to work. And if you call me, swear at me becuase you were on hold for 30 seconds, and then put me on hold before you deign to give me your name, guess what chuckles, someone who wants to work with me will be working with me and you'll be working with a dialtone.

And oh boy oh boy, WindowsXP. Yes, support ends next week, no I can't fix it, no I can't change Microsoft's mind, no I don't have a free copy of a newer version of Office to send you becuase whlie you've been able to squeak by with Office97 on an XP box that started off Windows98 it sure ain't going to work on a Win7 or Win8 machine.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! These are all conversations I've had in the past three days. And I have to smile and take it and can't tell them what where to go, how to get there, and how best to suffer until they get to their destination.

Then there is the names... How do you pronounce this one, "La-a"? Hint, the dash isn't silent.

[Lynn LeFey]

When I was in the Air Force, I was assigned a project called LMR, 'Land Mobile Radio'. It was a DBase system to track radio parts for Air National Guard bases. I was not only the only programmer on the project, but was also the tech support. When we shipped out new releases, it went out on 5 1/4" floppies (if that tells you how long ago this was). Updates were also shipped out on floppies.

I get a call from a user one day. His disk is corrupt. Okay, I pack up and send out a new one. A week later, he calls, disk is corrupt.

Okay...

I make another one, test the install, and wrote 'Magnetic media, do not x-ray' ALL over the package. I have never been able to confirm if x-rays can mess up magnetic media, but apparently the motors that run the conveyors that run it through an x-ray machine CAN. So... off the package goes.

A week later, the guy calls, and again, the disk is bad.

Me:"Are you putting it on top of a big speaker by any chance before you get around to installing it?"
User:"Oh, no, I'm really careful with it. I put it in a safe place."
Me:"Where?"
User:"Up on a bulletin board."
Me:"A ... bulletin board? Like a BBS?"
User:"No, like a cork board."
Me:"You pin it up there? Where do you put the pin? You don't stick the pin through the disk, do you?"
User:"No, I'm not stupid. I put it through the hole."
Me:"So you just put it through the round hole in the center?"
User:"No, I stick it in the long, skinny hole with the brown stuff."
Me:"Okay. I'm shipping you another disk. DO NOT stick a pin through that 'brown stuff'. That's the disk. It will mess it up."
User:"Really?"
Me:"Really."

[ironraven]

Lynn... Please for the love of all the gods and the hate of the demons tell me that you are joking.

[Lynn LeFey]

Not a single bit.

AND I have another.

Keep in mind, this is me doing tech support for a database program...

A user calls me up:"YOUR program broke my computer."
Me:"What do you mean, 'broke your computer'?"
User:"There's nothing on my screen."
Me:"Is your computer plugged in?"
User:"Of COURSE my computer is plugged in. I'm not STUPID!"
Me:"Can you actually hear the fan running? It might be the power supply."
User:"I know what a computer sounds like. It's on."
Me:"Okay... so... is your monitor plugged into the computer?"
User:"Of COURSE my monitor is plugged into the computer."
Me:"Is it turned on?"

Long... LONG... silence.
User:"Thank you."
Quick disconnect.

[Whoey]

unfortunately natural selection doesn't seem to be working so well anymore... 

[ironraven]

unfortunately natural selection doesn't seem to be working so well anymore... 

Contrary to popular belief, natural selection does not choose the smart, the swift, the strong, but is based on one thing: can you breed faster than you die from stupidity and natural causes. You don't have to be fit or intelligent or adapted to working groups. Just start pumping out babies and keep enough of them alive long enough to start doing the same.

[pfrsantos]

This just in:

In Northern Ireland, a bomber was hurt severelly when placing an explosive device under a car because he forgot to change the hour on the timer for daylight saving time. It went off sooner than he expected...

 

http://www.onenewspage.com/n/US/750eb94nz/Bomber-injured-in-Ireland-after-he-forgets-to.htm

[Syph007]

I have a tech support one from my very first job.

A lady calls up very mad that she spent thousands on this expensive software we provide and now 'All the buttons are missing on the screen!' And they were just there yesterday.

Our software was a web based app so it was used in a browser.  I went through the usual check lists and her computer was on and everything, she read me the name of the open browser window on her screen etc... so this went on for a bit and then after a bit of head scratching I figured out the case of who stole the buttons from this poor ladies software!

Turns out she didnt know what a scrollbar did.  I told her to click on the long rectangle on the right side of the screen, hold the button down, and move the mouse.  Then I heard "The buttons are back!!!"

I didnt have too many difficult ones, but I will always remember the case of the missing buttons.

[pfrsantos]

Not really stupidity but more of a "that's so simple it's stupid!"


I had a colleague call me because "the brand new optical mouse in her computer didn't work from 10h15 to 11h40".
 

So I went to her workplace, a nice office with a great view to the garden outside, about 10h45 next day, and she said:
"See? Doesn't work. Keeps jumping all over the screen, can't click on anything."
It was true, the cursor was blinking all over the place, like a poltergeist. So I say:
"Let me try."
As soon as I grab the mouse, it starts working perfectly. Smooth, easy to select icons, click, double click, open, close...
"I think it's ok now, try it."
 
She takes the mouse, it's poltergeist time again! Blinking top, bottom, left, right, didn't stop!
 
We look at each other. Again I say:
"It was working just now, I don't understand this..."
I take the mouse, it starts working perfectly again!
 
Unplug the mouse, plug the mouse back in, reboot computer, enter with my username... Still the same!
We did this a couple of times, always with the same result: worked with me, didn't work with her. Close to 11h30, 11h35 it started to work normally.
Next day, I went there again. Same result: worked with me, didn't work with her.
 

I tried to understand why this was going on and finally I saw the answer...
 

(Right now you have all the clues. Try to figure it out before seeing the answer...)

Show content

Optical mouse, office with a large window... The sun hit the metalic mousepad that reflected the mouse light and made the cursor go crazy. When I used the mouse, I bend over the table and my shadow covered the mousepad, so the mouse worked perfectly. After 11h30 the sun didn't hit that spot and the mouse worked again without a problem...

[Whoey]

kinda obvious... 

[pfrsantos]

kinda obvious... 

Some 18 years ago it wasn't that obvious... at least to me.
 

[Grant Lamontagne]

I worked in a store that sold leather jackets for a few months in my early 20's.  Canada is a bilingual country, with both English and French as official languages.  All product labels have to be printed in both official languages, even though a very small portion of the population is actually bilingual.

While working in the store one day a woman approached me, held up a jacket to show me the tag and asked me what "queer leather" was.  I looked at the tag and it said "cuir/leather" since cuir is French for leather.  I couldn't help myself.  I told her it meant the leather came from the same place they got homo milk from and walked away quickly....

Def

[jerseydevil]

This story made me do a  while wanting to  ......

[Chako]

I think this should fit here.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/04/03/world/asia/bangkok-world-war-2-bomb/

[jerseydevil]

I saw that the other day.  "Let's cut into an unexploded bomb with a blowtorch!"

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[Etherealicer]

I think this should fit here.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/04/03/world/asia/bangkok-world-war-2-bomb/

The device was discovered at a construction site in Bangkok, and moved to a scrapyard before workers tampered with it, in an attempt to break it down into smaller parts

Goal achieved

[bmot]

[ducttapetech]

WOW!!! I think some people are just stuck on stupid.
That is funny as hell!
live from Nate's mobile

[Grathr]

Good one

[edcgear]

Just read it all

 

While doing math with  my 6yo...

Sometimes they have some homework I start working on w/her (or with my 11yo son) and it looks crazy... I spend half hour working on starting to use extrapolation, partial derivatives of first and second order, analytic math, differential and functions....

Just to realize it is as simple as 1+1 .... 

[jerseydevil]

Customer asked me this morning what the difference between "white" and "blanco" was.  I told her that they were related, but white's name was changed when the family came through Ellis Island.  I mean, really people?

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[bmot]

 

[PTRSAK]