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10th Anniversary Def Roast!

Grant Lamontagne · 81 · 3995
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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10th Anniversary Def Roast!
on: July 17, 2016, 03:08:44 AM
It's that time again!

We didn't do it last year, probably because I forgot, but that just means you all have some extra material saved up!

For reference,  see the results of the original Def Roast from our 8th Anniversary here:

http://forum.multitool.org/index.php/topic,53533.0.html

The rules are simple- take your best shot at the Head Turd Polisher and whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins a prize!

What's the prize?  Simple, I'm not so bright, so the winner gets a LED Lenser F1!

https://m.ledlenser.com/uk/flashlights/f1/

Other than that, keep it family friendly (as much as the Needs of Comedy will allow) and I'll pick a winner in a few days. 

Good luck to everyone!

Def
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #1 on: July 17, 2016, 03:14:54 AM
Oh yeah, enter as often as you like....  :pok:

Def
Leave the dents as they are- let your belongings show their scars as proudly as you do yours.
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us Offline jerseydevil

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #2 on: July 17, 2016, 03:17:38 AM
 :popcorn:
There's no such thing as "Too pretty to carry".  There's only "Too pretty NOT to carry"...... >:D
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us Offline ColoSwiss

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #3 on: July 17, 2016, 03:54:51 AM
Def doesn't get any respect. When he was born the doctor slapped him. Then the nurse took a few swings at him.    :whistle:
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au Offline Huntsman

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #4 on: July 17, 2016, 04:07:37 AM
Def's recent house move cost him twice as much as the average person due to the extra shipping costs of his multitool collection.
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us Offline jerseydevil

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #5 on: July 17, 2016, 04:28:35 AM
Don't be shy, folks, let him have it! He's Canadian, so he'll apologize to YOU for any offensive comments you make...... ;)
There's no such thing as "Too pretty to carry".  There's only "Too pretty NOT to carry"...... >:D
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us Offline Poncho65

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #6 on: July 17, 2016, 05:48:49 AM
I usually have to be on a roll to insult somebody :think: It just comes out without me thinking about it and that way I am just as surprised with what I say as everyone else :D

Will be watching this one and see what comes to me :D
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us Offline tattoosteve99

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #7 on: July 17, 2016, 06:25:07 AM
We all know he's very strange. Who in their right mind uses a pink kayak? I mean come on, we've seen him in dresses and with girly hair. The kayak proves it. He must be a cross dresser HA!!
If I remember correctly, wait, what was I saying?
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us Offline rivercity

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #8 on: July 17, 2016, 06:57:51 AM
Quote from: jerseydevil on July 17, 2016, 04:28:35 AM
Don't be shy, folks, let him have it! He's Canadian, so he'll apologize to YOU for any offensive comments you make...... ;)

I don't personally know Def, but if he is Canadian, this roast is in poor taste........ He has already been dealt enough 'hard cheese' in life, just being a canuck... eh?   :facepalm:  :cheers:
Chuck

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us Offline Outback in Idaho

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #9 on: July 17, 2016, 08:28:26 AM
 A banana walked into a bar...
¬ Outback in Idaho

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us Offline detron

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #10 on: July 17, 2016, 08:35:28 AM
that is a great prize.

Grant has to get that bright of a light out of his house before Megan uses it to see how funny looking he truly is.



just kidding, love you boss
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ro Offline Corwyn

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #11 on: July 17, 2016, 09:16:03 AM
Not in, as I already won an LLF1 last year (amazing light, by the way, have it in my backpack as we speak). I travelled whole Europe with it.

Just meant to say that in this picture you look like Jesus if he smoked a hemp bag, then got the munchies and ate 10 Happy Meals...

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us Offline Alan K.

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #12 on: July 17, 2016, 09:18:25 AM
Grant is known for his kayaking skills.  It's no wonder, since he's been obsessed with the paddle since grade school.
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us Offline rdub934

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #13 on: July 17, 2016, 03:27:10 PM
Quote from: Corwyn on July 17, 2016, 09:16:03 AM
Not in, as I already won an LLF1 last year (amazing light, by the way, have it in my backpack as we speak). I travelled whole Europe with it.

Just meant to say that in this picture you look like Jesus if he smoked a hemp bag, then got the munchies and ate 10 Happy Meals...

(Image removed from quote.)

Grant looks like he face swapped Melissa McCarthy here :P

My bad - I forgot we are supposed to be roasting Def, not Melissa McCarthy

;)
« Last Edit: July 17, 2016, 04:46:28 PM by rdub934 »
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ca Offline derekmac

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #14 on: July 17, 2016, 07:54:08 PM
So it took Def an entire year to get over the 8th year roast.  We should probably take it easy him this time around, eh?

 :P

There once was a guy named Grant
Who would often go off on a rant
My kayak's not pick!!
You giddy little dink
Let me rub myself down with this ham

 :think:
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ca Offline JP

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #15 on: July 18, 2016, 12:42:10 AM
I just feel bad for Megan. She meets the guy we know as Def out east. Things are fun and then she finds out about MTO and promptly gets a job in Ottawa, which is a good days drive away. Obviously she got scared and ran. As resourceful as Grant is he tracks her down and moves in.

Could you imagine living with a man that has a truckload of multitools and looks like Dave Grohls cousin that has a green thumb for exotic herbs?

Sort of my dream too. Just needed in the lady version


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ca Offline Megan

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #16 on: July 18, 2016, 01:51:42 AM
Quote from: JP on July 18, 2016, 12:42:10 AM
I just feel bad for Megan. She meets the guy we know as Def out east. Things are fun and then she finds out about MTO and promptly gets a job in Ottawa, which is a good days drive away. Obviously she got scared and ran. As resourceful as Grant is he tracks her down and moves in.

Could you imagine living with a man that has a truckload of multitools and looks like Dave Grohls cousin that has a green thumb for exotic herbs?

Sort of my dream too. Just needed in the lady version


Exotic herbs? Heck no.
I can't even get the man to eat a vegetable!

Seriously guys don't hold back- he can take it.
-Megan
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ca Offline derekmac

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #17 on: July 18, 2016, 03:08:04 AM
Quote from: Megan on July 18, 2016, 01:51:42 AM
Seriously guys don't hold back- he can take it.
That's what she said!!  :D
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au Offline Huntsman

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #18 on: July 18, 2016, 04:15:20 AM
This just in from the Ottawa Herald

« Last Edit: July 18, 2016, 04:27:04 AM by Huntsman »
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us Offline sLaughterMed

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #19 on: July 18, 2016, 04:22:58 AM
Quote from: Huntsman on July 18, 2016, 04:15:20 AM
This just in from the Ottawa Herald


:rofl:
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us Offline rdub934

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #20 on: July 18, 2016, 05:59:42 AM
Quote from: Huntsman on July 18, 2016, 04:15:20 AM
This just in from the Ottawa Herald



Oooohh man! :rofl: good one :salute:
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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #21 on: July 18, 2016, 06:22:47 AM
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
¬ Outback in Idaho

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Merit Badges Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Start a new thread with photos of your zip ties in use Start a new thread and post a photo of the discontinued sak/mt for thirty (30) consecutive days. For those who posted like a boss. Start a new thread showing photos of your outdoor cooking Start a new thread with photos of your astronomy gear with a multitool Start a new thread and post a picture of fire making kit or fire with a multitool Start a new thread with a photo showing the Hook in use Must buy something on EDCSource Start a new thread with a photo of custom or non standard SAK scales in your collection Start a new thread showing photos of at least 3 different sporks in use

us Offline Alan K.

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #22 on: July 18, 2016, 06:26:24 AM
... and that barber was Def.
Merit Badges Participate in a Challenge thread and post a photo of  a Opinel  knife  for 30 days Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread and post a photo of  a Case knife  for 30 days Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days.  Post a pic for Halloween of your pumpkin (or turnip or gourd or whatever you traditionally carve for Halloween!) being carved by any SAK, multitool, pocket or woods knife you may own!  Only available once a year Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of a Buck 112 Ranger for thirty (30) consecutive days. Start a new thread and post a photo of your gear for thirty (30) consecutive days. You must carry at least one item from every category of the gear list every day. Start a new thread and post a photo of the pen for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a challenge by carrying  a Combo Edged knife or Multitool and post a photo of it  for thirty (30) consecutive days. Start a new thread and post a photo of an Executive or Director for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate  in a Challenge thread and post a photo of a LM Pocket Survival Tool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of a Delemont SAK for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread and post a photo of a SAK-alike, aka multi-layered, knife-based pocket tools for thirty (30) consecutive days. In this challenge,  carry one(1) Pliers-based or Non-pliers multitool that we always have prejudice against, hate or even fear and post a picture everyday for 30 days Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of an Old Cross SAK for thirty (30) consecutive days. Build your own version of an MRE using off-the-shelf components, post a photo of the completed MRE and store at room temperature for 6 days or more. Consume the MRE after the storage period and post pictures and descriptions of the contents. Participate in a Challenge thread and post a photo of a 'folding hunter' knife that isn't a Buck 110 for thirty (30) consecutive days. Start a new thread and post a photo of the 110 knife for thirty (30) consecutive days. Using EDC items randomly selected with a poker hand, post a photo of your EDC or a component of the EDC that got used during the course of the day for 4 weeks (or 30 consecutive days) In the spirit of the Batman utility belt. A 30 day challenge were you have to have at least 2 things clipped to your belt (preferably more). Start a thread and post a picture of your clipped gear each day for 30 days. Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of your EDC or a component of the EDC that got used during the course of the day for thirty (30) consecutive days.

us Offline jerseydevil

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #23 on: July 18, 2016, 06:37:49 AM
Quote from: Huntsman on July 18, 2016, 04:15:20 AM
This just in from the Ottawa Herald



That can't possibly be the same Grant Lamontagne. "No physical injury"? :think: Def can't even walk on a sidewalk without requiring screws in his ankle! :P
There's no such thing as "Too pretty to carry".  There's only "Too pretty NOT to carry"...... >:D
Merit Badges Start a new thread and post a photo of a traditional folder for thirty (30) consecutive days. Start a new thread and post a photo of the discontinued sak/mt for thirty (30) consecutive days.

us Offline lichan

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #24 on: July 18, 2016, 07:46:53 AM
Def, zoidberg and jerseydevil were gathered at the punch bowl at the big 10th Anniversary MTO Celebration. Each had taken a glass of the "punch". Jerseydevil was the first to partake and with the benefit of his worldly expertise exclaimed, "Ah, good punch! I believe it's been spiked with some 190-proof Everclear!" Disgusted, zoidberg cast his punch glass in the trash, with a loud "Why, I rather commit adultery with a lady-of-the-evening than drink an alcoholic  beverage!" Quickly Def began pouring his cup back into the punch bowl saying, "I didn't know we got a choice!:"
Merit Badges Must post a step by step pictorial of a knife or multitool modification (scale swap not included) Participate in a challenge thread and post a photo of a SAK Cybertool (any variant), Swisschamp, Champion or Toolchest for thirty (30) consecutive days. Must start a thread with a photo of your EDC watch Start a new thread and post a photo of a flashlight as part of your EDC Start a new thread with a photo showing the Hook in use

ca Offline JP

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #25 on: July 18, 2016, 02:46:01 PM
^^ lol

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ca Offline JP

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #26 on: July 18, 2016, 02:49:23 PM
What is a " Def " anyways?
Is he a Diefenbaby?


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us Offline WoodsDuck

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #27 on: July 18, 2016, 03:07:30 PM
I'm not saying Grant is ugly, but even Spyderco wouldn't put him in their product line  :whistle:
Merit Badges Must buy something on EDCSource Start a thread with a photo of a repair you made with duct tape Start a new thread and post a photo of a flashlight as part of your EDC Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days.

us Offline Vinjints

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #28 on: July 18, 2016, 03:39:24 PM
Quote from: WoodsDuck on July 18, 2016, 03:07:30 PM
I'm not saying Grant is ugly, but even Spyderco wouldn't put him in their product line  :whistle:

I don't have a joke to share, but can I vote for this one?

pt Offline pfrsantos

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Re: 10th Anniversary Def Roast!
Reply #29 on: July 18, 2016, 04:26:22 PM
I heard someone once asked Bear Grills: "What would you rather do? Shake Grant's hand or drink your own piss?"


Well, we all know the answer to that...

 :facepalm:

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