RIP Chuck Norris

[Grant Lamontagne]

I just heard that Chuck Norris has passed away at 86.

I don't think anyone needs to list his accomplishments over the years- I feel like we have all heard the Chuck Norris jokes, seen his movies and TV shows and heard abut his training and fighting etc.

Rather than a long, maudlin post about what he meant to me, I am just going to list the ten most popular Chuck Norris jokes, because he really enjoyed them too.

Chuck Norris doesn’t do push‑ups. He pushes the Earth down.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Death once had a near‑Chuck‑Norris experience.

Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.

The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a math test, the answers solve themselves.

Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

And, for a bonus, here is Chuck's personal favorite of all the Chuck Norris jokes:

Chuck Norris was bitten by a rattlesnake, and, after five days of agonizing pain, the snake died.

Feel free to share your favorites here.

Def

[Antti Lammi]

RIP Chuck Norris man and legend, one of my favorite actors

Chuck Norris died in age of 20 but only now Death had courage to tell him

[lister]

Naaah, it was us who died, he's the one who stayed behind to clean up the place and turn off the lights.

[Andrii Gurskyi]

RIP Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris facts
For a normal man, one ball hangs lower than the other. For Chuck Norris, each ball hangs lower than the other.

[ThisAlarm7]

Class act and all around cool guy....sad loss indeed.

[nate j]

RIP Chuck

Might have to watch something of his tonight…

[Chako]

As a science teacher I always liked this one...

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

[pfrsantos]

Just read about it. Fake news!

Here's another list:

1. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

2. When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck Norris said, “Say Please.”

3. In the Beginning, there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.

4. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

5. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

6. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

7. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

8. Chuck Norris doesn’t strike gold, gold is the byproduct of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking rocks.

9. When the Tooth fairy comes to your house she takes your tooth and gives you money. When Chuck Norris comes to your house he breaks your tooth and takes your money.

10. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

11. The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.

12. Bigfoot is still hiding because he once saw Chuck Norris walking in the mountains.

13. Chuck Norris doesn’t worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.

14. The Flash discovered how to run at the speed of light when he discovered Chuck Norris was looking for him.

15. Chuck Norris doesn’t negotiate with terrorists. The terrorists negotiate with Chuck Norris.

16. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

17. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

18. There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.

19. If Chuck Norris was on The Titanic the iceberg would have dodged the ship.

20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

 

[pfrsantos]

A few more:

No streets are named after Chuck Norris because no one would ever dare cross Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not flush the toilet. He scares the crap out of it.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

When Chuck Norris goes to your house to visit, you’re the guest.

Chuck Norris once missed two days of school. Those days are called the weekend.

Chuck Norris does not worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of water.

No streets are named after Chuck Norris because no one would ever dare cross Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris does not mow the lawn. He stares at the grass and dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris keeps a bear rug in his den. The bear is still alive. It’s just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris once peed in the fuel tank of a semi-truck. That truck is now called Optimus Prime.

Guns sleep with Chuck Norris under their pillow.

Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

A rainbow appears every time Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.

When Chuck Norris lifts dumbbells, they get smarter.

Chuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris can pull a wheelie while riding a unicycle.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris knives.

Burger King made its slogan “have it your way” when Chuck Norris first walked into the restaurant.

[kirk13]

This must be tge most uplifting RIP post ever.

I think the man himself would have liked that.

[Grant Lamontagne]

This must be tge most uplifting RIP post ever.

I think the man himself would have liked that.

That is my sincere hope.

Otherwise I am in deep trouble!   

Def

[PTRSAK]

Chuck Norris actually died 5 years ago, it's taken The Grim Reaper this long to pluck up the courage to come and get him.

[Alan K.]

He's gone to spar with Bruce Lee.  R.I.P.

[nate j]

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

[ThundahBeagle]

"Sloppy"

Tell me what movie that was from.  It's after he kicks a guy down a cliff from behind a helicopter.  Cool scene.

They wanted to put Chick Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't strong enough for his beard.

I liked that it was he who rescued the heroes in that Expendables movie.

In Lone Wold McQuaid, if I'm not wrong, he doesn't REALLY get a fire lit under his A s s until they killed his dog.

Sad times.  Our heroes are dying.

[nate j]

"Sloppy"

Tell me what movie that was from.  It's after he kicks a guy down a cliff from behind a helicopter.  Cool scene.

They wanted to put Chick Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't strong enough for his beard.

I liked that it was he who rescued the heroes in that Expendables movie.

In Lone Wold McQuaid, if I'm not wrong, he doesn't REALLY get a fire lit under his A s s until they killed his dog.

Sad times.  Our heroes are dying.

I believe the movie was Delta Force.

Yea, one unfortunate part of being middle-aged is that the people who were big stars when we were kids are now old and dying off…

[Nonaute]

That is my sincere hope.

Otherwise I am in deep trouble!   

Def

You can see him reading is own chuck facts

Seems to be funny for him !