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Jokes for my work group

Grant Lamontagne · 602 · 31409
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #420 on: July 28, 2025, 12:22:56 PM
Quote from: LoopCutter on July 25, 2025, 03:53:18 PM
A very good thing my name is not MIKE!

GRANT you this, seems be a lay it awl out there type of new hobby!  I have an acquaintance named DEXTER that is interested in taking part!

Funny you should mention that as I deal with Dexter (Construction) every day.   :whistle:

Def
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us Offline Barry Rowland

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #421 on: July 28, 2025, 01:55:36 PM
Have a great week Gordon and Def!
Barry
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #422 on: July 29, 2025, 12:43:08 PM
Good morning everyone!

I love to keep up on science related news, and there have been some pretty impressive advances lately.
 
For example, scientists have created a dolphin with legs. Animal rights groups want the legs removed. Scientists argue that would de-feet the porpoise.

Have a great day everyone!

Def
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us Offline LoopCutter

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #423 on: July 29, 2025, 02:10:17 PM
 :facepalm:
If I start and end the day above ground, it is a good day!

Hope yours is as good!

A SMART man always knows what to say!
   A WISE man knows whether or not to say it!!!
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us Offline Barry Rowland

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #424 on: July 29, 2025, 03:32:11 PM
 :facepalm:
Barry
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #425 on: July 30, 2025, 12:53:50 PM
Good morning everyone!

A few months ago I joined a Scrabble club, but I can't afford it and I stopped paying my dues.  Now they keep sending me nasty letters.

Have a great day everyone!

Def
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us Offline Barry Rowland

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #426 on: July 30, 2025, 02:19:37 PM
 :rofl:
Barry
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #427 on: July 31, 2025, 12:28:46 PM
Good morning everyone- it's almost Friday!

Ordinarily I try to tell a joke that everyone will enjoy, but not today.  Nope.  Today's joke is just for the mind readers.









Have a great day everyone!

Def
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pt Offline pfrsantos

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #428 on: July 31, 2025, 01:30:54 PM
Morning, y'all! For those them folks that ain't so good at mind readin', here's a regular story:

I know a local chicken farmer that is awlways trying new techniques and methods of improving production. Recently, he told me about his new experiment.
"You know how most people just like a particular part of the chicken, like breast or wings or legs?"
"Yup."
"Well, 'round these parts, I found out the part people prefer is the legs, so I got in touch with a DNA sequencing laboratory and started raising chickens with 6 legs each."
"Wow! That's incredible! And do they taste just like a regular chicken?"
"Don't know, haven't managed to catch one yet..."

 :dunno:
________________________________
It is just a matter of time before they add the word “Syndrome” after my last name.

I don't have OCD, I have OCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Eff the ineffable, scrut the inscrutable.

IYCRTYSWTMTFOT


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #429 on: July 31, 2025, 02:07:47 PM
Good one!

Def
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us Offline Barry Rowland

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #430 on: July 31, 2025, 02:36:32 PM
I agree!  :rofl:
Barry
Merit Badges Start a thread with a photo of a repair you made with duct tape Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of a Classic SAK for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry at least one red edc item, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days.  Post a pic for Halloween of your pumpkin (or turnip or gourd or whatever you traditionally carve for Halloween!) being carved by any SAK, multitool, pocket or woods knife you may own!  Only available once a year Participate in a Challenge thread and post a photo of a SAK-alike, aka multi-layered, knife-based pocket tools for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry a keychain tool with pliers, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days Start a new thread and post a photo of any gear for thirty (30) consecutive days during the MTo anniversary month. For 30 consecutive days carry a SAK with a magnifying glass, and post a picture every day in the designated thread. Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Must start a thread showing a photo of at least five BO tools Participate in a Challenge thread, carry a Victorinox Hiker, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days. Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry a Leatherman Bond, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days. Start a new thread with a photo showing the axe in use Participate in a Challenge thread and post a photo of  a Opinel  knife  for 30 days Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of a Vic Spirit MT for sixty (60) consecutive days. Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a challenge by carrying  a Combo Edged knife or Multitool and post a photo of it  for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of a MiniChamp SAK for thirty (30) consecutive days.

us Offline LoopCutter

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #431 on: July 31, 2025, 04:26:33 PM
In these parts schools are starting back next week.

My daughter called a little frustrated, as my granddaughter grew another foot over the summer!😱

I ask  “was it a right or left foot?”

She hung up on me   :dunno: :think:
If I start and end the day above ground, it is a good day!

Hope yours is as good!

A SMART man always knows what to say!
   A WISE man knows whether or not to say it!!!
Merit Badges Participate in a challenge by carrying  a Combo Edged knife or Multitool and post a photo of it  for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry a Victorinox Cadet and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry at least one black edc item, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days.  Carry tools with single functions only. No multi-tools, no multi-layer Swiss Army Knives, no combo one-piece tools and post a photo for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry at least one red edc item, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days. Start a new thread with a photo of custom or non standard SAK scales in your collection Start a new thread with photos of a Japanese made PST in your collection Start a new thread or Post in a Challenge Thread and post a photo of a Spartan  for 30 days Start a new thread with photos of at least 6 SAKs of different frame lengths and/or shapes in your collection. Eg 58mm, 74mm, 84mm regular, 84mm slim, 85mm etc Participate in a Challenge thread and post a photo of a SAK-alike, aka multi-layered, knife-based pocket tools for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry a keychain tool with pliers, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days Participate in a Challenge thread, carry at least one green edc item, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry a SAK, duct tape, and paperclip, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry a Leatherman Bond, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge and post a photo of a Utility Knife for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of a Delemont SAK for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a challenge by carrying  a GEC knife and post a photo of it  for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread and post a photo of  a Leatherman Micra  for 30 days Participate in a Challenge thread and post a photo of  a Opinel  knife  for 30 days Participate in a challenge by carrying  a 100mm or 108mm SAK and post a photo of it  for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of a Vic Spirit MT for sixty (60) consecutive days.

pt Offline pfrsantos

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #432 on: July 31, 2025, 05:02:02 PM
Reminds me of my son's first day of "real" school, after kindergarten.
"So, how did you like school? Did you like your teacher?"
"The teacher is nice, but I don't think she's very smart."
"Why do you say that?!"
"She keeps asking us about everything."

 :think: :think:
________________________________
It is just a matter of time before they add the word “Syndrome” after my last name.

I don't have OCD, I have OCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Eff the ineffable, scrut the inscrutable.

IYCRTYSWTMTFOT


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #433 on: August 01, 2025, 01:24:30 PM
Good morning everyone- it's Friday before a long weekend!

I got a message from Megan the other day asking me to pick her up at the airport. 

She then sent another text and added NOT IN YOUR PYJAMAS.

So I wore hers instead because listening is the key to a good relationship.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Def
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us Offline Barry Rowland

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #434 on: August 01, 2025, 02:32:26 PM
 :rofl:  :rofl:
Barry
Merit Badges Start a thread with a photo of a repair you made with duct tape Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of a Classic SAK for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry at least one red edc item, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days.  Post a pic for Halloween of your pumpkin (or turnip or gourd or whatever you traditionally carve for Halloween!) being carved by any SAK, multitool, pocket or woods knife you may own!  Only available once a year Participate in a Challenge thread and post a photo of a SAK-alike, aka multi-layered, knife-based pocket tools for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry a keychain tool with pliers, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days Start a new thread and post a photo of any gear for thirty (30) consecutive days during the MTo anniversary month. For 30 consecutive days carry a SAK with a magnifying glass, and post a picture every day in the designated thread. Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Must start a thread showing a photo of at least five BO tools Participate in a Challenge thread, carry a Victorinox Hiker, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days. Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a Challenge thread, carry a Leatherman Bond, and post a photo every day for 30 consecutive days. Start a new thread with a photo showing the axe in use Participate in a Challenge thread and post a photo of  a Opinel  knife  for 30 days Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of a Vic Spirit MT for sixty (60) consecutive days. Start a new thread and post a photo of the multitool for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate in a challenge by carrying  a Combo Edged knife or Multitool and post a photo of it  for thirty (30) consecutive days. Participate  in Challenge thread and post a photo of a MiniChamp SAK for thirty (30) consecutive days.

ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #435 on: August 05, 2025, 02:04:14 PM
Good morning everyone!

The best Mondays are when they are actually Tuesdays!

Over the weekend I decided to see how often my dog barks.  I made notes and it appears he barks about twenty times a day, but that's just a ruff estimate!

Have a great day everyone!

Def
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us Offline Barry Rowland

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #436 on: August 05, 2025, 03:57:53 PM
 :rofl:
Barry
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #437 on: August 06, 2025, 12:34:43 PM
Good morning everyone!

I was at the mall last night and I heard some of the people at the luggage store talking about a thief they had caught stealing a bag.  According to them, he was sentenced in under three minutes.

It seems to have been a brief case.

Have a great day everyone!

Def
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us Offline Barry Rowland

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #438 on: August 06, 2025, 02:06:19 PM
 :rofl: :rofl:
Barry
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #439 on: August 07, 2025, 12:45:14 PM
Good morning everyone!

It's not such a good morning for me- someone has stolen all of the bus stop signs in my neighborhood.

I mean, where do these people get off?

Have a great day everyone!

Def
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #440 on: August 11, 2025, 01:09:04 PM
Good morning everyone!  It's Monday and I hope you all had a great weekend- you are going to need it with the coming week! 

I know I do a lot of math puns even though most of you don't find calculus or algebra humor to be all that funny.  For me though, geometry is where I draw the line.

I hope you all have a great day and stay hydrated!

Def
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #441 on: August 11, 2025, 02:06:30 PM
Apparently I forgot to post the one from Friday.  Sorry about that!

Good morning everyone!  It's FRIDAY!!!!

And here is a fun thought for you to contemplate this weekend- after all, I don't want you all to enjoy yourselves too much!

A bus stops at a bus station.

A train stops at a train station.

Our engineers have work stations.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Def
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #442 on: August 12, 2025, 12:42:39 PM
Good morning everyone!

I really am enjoying my new truck, but it's a bit high tech for me and I don't completely understand it all yet. 

For example, every time I put it in reverse it shows a video of a person getting run over and there is this weird bump.  I just can't figure it out.

Have a great day everyone!

Def
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us Offline LoopCutter

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #443 on: August 12, 2025, 02:59:44 PM
I have that same feature in my SUV!

But, it only shows the video and gives that bumping sensation in parking lots?

Of course, I back into the garage at night!
Maybe it’s a daytime thing.
If I start and end the day above ground, it is a good day!

Hope yours is as good!

A SMART man always knows what to say!
   A WISE man knows whether or not to say it!!!
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #444 on: August 13, 2025, 01:38:17 PM
Good morning everyone!

I suffer from sensitive skin and I am almost always itchy.  I have been working on a cute for that itchiness, and I have had some success.

Unfortunately my computer crashed and I lost all my files, meaning now I have to start from scratch.

Have a great day everyone- I hope you are all safe!

Def
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pt Offline pfrsantos

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #445 on: August 13, 2025, 03:55:25 PM
Howdy!


I was talking to a friend of mine who just started working in an authentic indian restaurant. Awl the recipes are original and kept secret, they take that very seriously. Even if he was only making the flatbread, my friend had to sign a naan disclosure agreement.

Have a great week!

 :hatsoff:
________________________________
It is just a matter of time before they add the word “Syndrome” after my last name.

I don't have OCD, I have OCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Eff the ineffable, scrut the inscrutable.

IYCRTYSWTMTFOT


ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #446 on: August 14, 2025, 12:31:32 PM
Good morning everyone!

As you all know, I'm always on the lookout for a different job. Lately I've been trying to get a job at a factory that makes moisturizer.  I've been applying daily.

If I don't get something soon I'm going to have to go back to my old job as a mannequin at a department store.  That was a position I held for a long time.

Have a great day everyone!

Def
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #447 on: August 15, 2025, 12:32:32 PM
Good morning everyone- we made it through another week!

I want everyone to have a happy and safe weekend, so I am going to tell you a story that hopefully will help you all do that.  I used to work with a guy that lost three fingers on the job site- he was only left with his index finger and thumb.

"But doctor" he said, "will I still be able to write with this hand?"

"Possibly" replied the doctor, "but I wouldn't count on it."

Have a great weekend everyone!

Def
Listen to the Official Podcast of Multitool.org:

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Merit Badges Take part in the christmas pool or a rak type giveaway. Those wanting to say thank you for a rak may also nominate for the santa. For those who posted like a boss. Post your pocket dump photos then challenge two more members who must post their pocket dump photos within 24hrs for you to get the badge. Start a new thread with a photo of custom or non standard SAK scales in your collection Start a thread with a photo of a repair you made with duct tape Start a new thread including a photo of shooting at least two (2) different airguns and at least one (1) photo of target (airguns) Start a thread with a photo of at least ten OPT's in your collection Must start a thread with a photo of at least five (5) of your watches Must start a thread showing a photo of at least eight BO tools Start a thread with photos of at least 1 MTO branded tool in your collection Start a new thread showing photos of your outdoor cooking Must have a review written in the proper format and posted on the Main Site Start a new thread with a photo of at least 5 different Charge models in your collection

us Offline Farmer X

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #448 on: August 16, 2025, 02:01:25 AM
 :rofl:
USN 2000-2006

Culling of the knife and multi herds in progress...

If I pay five figures for something, it better have wings or a foundation!
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ca Offline Grant Lamontagne

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Re: Jokes for my work group
Reply #449 on: August 18, 2025, 12:55:57 PM
Good morning everyone!

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Just to let you all know, today I am wearing a pink shirt to raise awareness for people who suffer from not separating whites and colors in the wash.

Have a great day everyone!

Def
Listen to the Official Podcast of Multitool.org:

It's The Podcast You Never Knew You Needed brought to you by The Only Forum That Matters!
Merit Badges Take part in the christmas pool or a rak type giveaway. Those wanting to say thank you for a rak may also nominate for the santa. For those who posted like a boss. Post your pocket dump photos then challenge two more members who must post their pocket dump photos within 24hrs for you to get the badge. Start a new thread with a photo of custom or non standard SAK scales in your collection Start a thread with a photo of a repair you made with duct tape Start a new thread including a photo of shooting at least two (2) different airguns and at least one (1) photo of target (airguns) Start a thread with a photo of at least ten OPT's in your collection Must start a thread with a photo of at least five (5) of your watches Must start a thread showing a photo of at least eight BO tools Start a thread with photos of at least 1 MTO branded tool in your collection Start a new thread showing photos of your outdoor cooking Must have a review written in the proper format and posted on the Main Site Start a new thread with a photo of at least 5 different Charge models in your collection

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